Ladies, Gentlemen and Undecided

2011-08-23T00:49:00.000+02:00

Solo per la musica...

2011-08-10T03:34:00.000+02:00

2011-08-03T04:48:00.002+02:00

Non passa giorno che non pensi a te.

Ci sono tante cose che vorrei dirti, e condividere con te.

Ma non posso.

E questo lo trovo molto ingiusto.

Ho vissuto ogni giorno, sapendo che eri da qualche parte, amando qualcun altro.

E' stato devastante.

Poi sei riapparso, dal nulla, come per magia, felice con un altro, ho odiato il destino, che ti aveva rimesso sulla mia strada.

Non posso dimenticarti.

Non posso odiarti.

Non posso permettermi di amarti.

Nonostante questo, la tua presenza nella mia vita è costante.

Ho provato, ma è inutile: tu sei qui, sempre. E non sei qui.

Passano gli anni, e ancora mi uccidi, passano gli anni, e io ti permetto di farlo, non potrei farne a meno.

E mi sento come un evocatore che ama la suo sogno, ma senza poteri non può chiamarlo a se.

La tua voce, il tuo viso... non ci sono più. E' rimasto solo il sentimento, ed è così forte che non mi permette di pensare ad altri che a te.

Vorrei che le cose fossero diverse, che fossimo più vicini, almeno per una volta.

Non ho mai creduto a nient'altro che al destino. E questo continua a mostrarti.

Non so quanto questo può valere per te, ma come tutto quello che ti riguarda... non potevo farne a meno.

The Lady

Ode alla chattata eterna

2010-03-25T00:14:00.002+01:00

Una cosa zompettando per i profili vari ho notato... in moltissimi scrivono chiaro e tondo che non vogliono chattare in eterno...

... eh... e han ben ragione...

Succede spesso anche a me... e non parlo delle situazioni in cui uno dei due o entrambi hanno un valido impedimento all'incontro quale può essere il lavoro piuttosto che orari che non combaciano o altro ancora...

Parlo di quei casi in cui c'è il tempo, c'è la voglia (da parte di uno) ma manca completamente l'interesse o la disponibilità da parte dell'altro... che continua imperterrito a dirti che un giorno, forse, chissà, se saltando su un piede solo e cantando Bad Romance al contrario raggiungerai il dildo di giada custodito nel tempio delle Vergini Stufe allora potrete vedervi.

E dopo uno si rompe i coglioni... e la parte più bella è che facendolo notare passi per l'insistente che non lascia il tempo di pensarci su.

Ma scusa... pensare su a cosa? Mica ho chiesto di sposarci tra 20 minuti... ho solo chiesto di bere qualcosa in luogo pubblico mediamente frequentato da persone munite di cellulare per chiamare la polizia un ragazzo carino che vorrei conoscere a dispetto dell'eventuale distanza... è forse troppo?

Evidentemente si... e allora buonanotte ai suonatori (come diceva quell'idolo di mia nonna), via il contatto da msn e non piangiamoci troppo addosso...

Si, perchè il furbone se gli dici che lo elimini ha anche da lamentarsi...

Ma scusa dico io, se non hai un cazzo da fare nella vita devo star li a farti compagnia proprio io? Nel senso: se la tua idea di romantico incontro è un drink io a casa mia e tu a casa tua in cam dicendomi quanto ti piacerebbe che fossi li con te e poi alla prima occasione per farlo dici cortesemente di no io mi sento in pieno diritto di mandarti a fare in culo. Sbaglio?

Eh si... gira anche sta gente...

The Lady

Solare

2010-03-24T23:37:00.002+01:00

Allora questa è una questione che mi gira per la testa da un bel pò... vediamo cosa ne salta fuori.

Giri per i profili e trovi scritto: "Sono un ragazzo solare" in qualche caso di isteria anche "Cerco pari requisiti"...

Da qui tutta una serie di quesiti su cosa voglia realmente dire persona solare...

Google (perchè il vocabolario è in solaio) ci dice che una persona è solare quando è piena di energia ed emana calma e fiducia.

Quanto possa poi essere piena di energia una persona che si descrive con un aggettivo solitamente dato in leasing sempiterno alle persone morte prematuramente questo era, rimane e rimarrà uno dei più grandi misteri della mia vita...

... direttamente dopo l'esatto ammontare di dollari che ha speso Cher per essere Cher...

E tuttavia moltissimi ragazzi alla domanda su come sono rispondono che sono ragazzi solari, che amano la vita, vogliono divertirsi e non chiudersi in un locale o in casa a chattare in eterno ma uscire, vedere cosa offre il mondo poi spiccare il volo alla Superman e saltare di stella in stella come Cicciolina ai tempi d'oro faceva di cazzo in cazzo...

Quindi dici: "Cazzo questo qui è uno che sa come divertirsi, provo a scrivegli, magari mi propone un'uscita, una cena, andare al Red a piedi da Porta San Felice che ne so, qualcosa che non hai fatto prima e che porti un pò di cambiamento alla routine..."

Quindi scrivi un messaggio con la stessa speranza di una vergine la prima notte di nozze... Romeo trilla... ed ecco che lui risponde...

"A o P?" Disarmante, in modo solare per carità, ma disarmante...

Sei raggiante, sempre allegro, hai voglia di spaccare il mondo e un numero non definibile di culi o anche solo uno e per sempre perchè vuoi una storia seria e soprattutto LO DIMOSTRI? Ok allora sei solare.

Sei placido, tranquillo, dal carattere introspettivo ed emani costantemente calma e pace così che chi è con te in quel momento sente di essere a posto col mondo intero, o riesci a sedare automaticamente chiunque nel raggio di 3 metri? Allora sei lunare.

Infondi calma e quiete ma sai far ridere le persone e farle sentire a loro agio? Allora sei me.

Ti piacciono le donne e la sola idea di vedere un pene che non sia il tuo o quello dei tuoi amici sotto la doccia dopo la partita di calcetto muniti di righello per i doverosi paragoni? Allora sei etero e hai sbagliato sito.

Inizio a perdere anche io il punto del post. Ma alla fine dei conti non capisco chi si definisce solare... o meglio, non capisco perchè lo fa... contando il fatto che molti di questi o proprio non lo sono o intendono semplicemente allegro e pieno di vita.

Allora diciamo allegro, spontaneo, pieno di vita (che ribadisco, solare lo usano nelle elegie...), salto i fossi per il lungo... ma non un aggettivo che dice tutto e niente... no?

The Lady

Destino - Istinto

2010-03-19T22:42:00.004+01:00

Mattina, vai a prendere il treno. Lui dovrebbe essere lontano, non dovresti, non vorresti vederlo mai più… e invece è li davanti a te.

Non sai come reagire, ti tremano solo le gambe di rabbia… di tutti i posti e tempi in cui poteva trovarsi… è li di spalle davanti a te.

E non sai se seguire il tuo cuore, afferrarlo e portarlo via con te… o ascoltarne le crepe che lui stesso ha scavato e spingerlo sotto i binari…

La ragione poi vince… sperando di non essere visto passi, e sparisci nella folla… ma la mente è stanca per resistere alle domande del cuore…

… perchè pensi di essere andato avanti se quando lo rivedi non stai in piedi?

… come vivi sapendo che ogni volta che finalmente è finita il destino in qualche modo te lo butterà di nuovo davanti?

… e cosa devi fare per ricominciare a fidarti della gente?

Domande lecite… ma ignorate. Ho una vita che funziona, in qualche modo. Un cuore che funziona, e non l’avrei mai detto. Amici che funzionano, questo lo sapevo. E metà della mia anima che ha già le braccia tese per prendermi quando cado…anche solo con un messaggio...

TU non vali niente di tutto questo… niente di quello che credevo ci fosse stato… niente di quello che avrei voluto avere con te… non vali la mia sofferenza, che ormai un fastidioso ronzio… e non vali quella di chi è venuto prima di me, che ho conosciuto, e capito.

Nonostante questo… non capisco perchè il destino in cui tanto credo mi tiri questi scherzi… e mi obblighi a ripensare a tutto… tutto…

The Lady

Credere

2010-03-18T01:26:00.002+01:00

Ho conosciuto due nuove persone... davo il mio solito spettacolo di cabaret... faccio divertire le persone quando parlo... ma intanto le studio. Non è bello immagino... ma lo faccio.

Mi aiuta a capire la gente.

Quello che ho visto stasera mi ha fatto di nuovo credere... per un pò.

Credere che anche dopo le delusioni... il cuore a pezzi... e la sfiducia nel mondo in cui vivo esiste qualcuno che è felice con una persona. Da anni. E per molti altri ancora.

Sperare... si lo faccio sempre. Credere... mai, o almeno non più.

Rido, scherzo, faccio battute di pessimo gusto come il campagnolo che sono... ma forse è solo difesa. Non accetto che la vita posa essere triste.

Ma con la giusta dose di vino scadente... e due persone davanti che sembrano una vecchia coppia sposata... si, credo. Non posso farne a meno.

Credo nella pacifica serata in due, perchè non serve altro...

E mi addormento un pò più sollevato, perchè so, dentro di me, che quanto mi è stato strappato via da quella persona prima o poi lo riavrò.

Da qualcun altro.

Moltiplicato... non subito, ma arriverà. E sarò li a riceverlo. E a ridarne altrettanto.

The Lady

2010-03-16T14:42:00.000+01:00

The Lady

A o P?

2010-03-16T13:46:00.002+01:00

Suona Romeo... (si lo so, le belle cose non arrivano da una chat ma ho poco tempo per uscire), è un bel ragazzo che mi chiede come va. Rispondo, e la battuta seguente è AoP... spero bene di non aver bisogno di spiegare cosa significa...

Ora io sono l'ultimo a disdegnare una proposta di sesso, specialmente se fatta da qualcuno che mi attrae in pixel... ma mi chiedo... lo hai letto il profilo?

Nel senso: ho perso mezz'ora a scriverlo, perdi 3 minuti a leggerlo... e se proprio non ti va butta un occhio direttamente alla voce "Ruolo" dove c'è scritto Top e Attivo, così non fai la figura del coglionazzo no?

Ma questo è il minimo... non è un grosso problema se uno non legge... lo diventa quando dopo una decina di messaggi si decide di incontrarsi e si è entrambi attivi o passivi... e non mi riferisco solo al sesso pret-à-clavér, diventa complicato anche se la conoscenza si approfondisce in modo serio e arrivati al dunque... ciccia...

Se ne può parlare o scrivere per anni ma il punto a cui volevo arrivare è un altro, un filo più serio di quanto a me piaccia quindi sarò costretto a controbilanciare in anticipo: sperma sperma sperma.

Bon, detto questo ecco il caso specifico:

"Se sei solo attivo sei gay solo a metà" cosa dettami da un contatto msn così, alla bohémienne, tra un ciao e un come va.

Riassumendo è come la famosa frase "Se non lo pigli al culo tanto vale andare a figa..." deprimente nel 2010 sentirsi dire una cosa del genere... E messe così le cose mi incazzo.

Dico: già è un casino arrivare a sera sapendo che buona parte del mondo ci vuole obliterati dalla faccia della Terra, dobbiamo metterci a fare discriminazioni pure tra di noi?

Io sono attivo, e mica per scelta, ma per biologia. Mi manca il gene del godimento al buco del culo, sono meno gay di te che sei versatile? Metti anche che per cortesia, ubriaco al vomito e fisicamente inerte, decida di farmelo mettere... come si sentirebbe uno che si impegna a trivellare se l'altro conta con una certa precisione le ragnateline sul soffitto?

E reverso: il mio amico Abelardo è passivo, gode come un muezzin che canta dal minareto a prenderlo, è un mezzo finocchio perchè non lo spinge in culo ad un altro come non ci fosse un domani? Secondo questa teoria è meglio tagliarselo e infilarsi un paio di Manolo... Signori suvvia...

Poi sono io il primo ad ammettere che la versatilità è un vantaggio, visto che apre molte più porte e sicuramente un numero maggiore di gambe... ma come posso nascere etero, gay o bisessuale... allo stesso modo posso nascere attivo, passivo o versatile... quindi molto educatamente chiedo: non mi rompere i coglioni con le categorie se no tu in quanto versatile potresti essere bollato come ingordo... no?

Per poi sentirti rispondere "Ma io scherzavo..."

...

ECCHECCAZZO!

The Lady

Io un giorno sarò quell'uomo

2010-03-15T19:59:00.002+01:00

The Lady

Red Karma

2010-03-15T19:23:00.003+01:00

Sono stato minacciato... karmicamente...

Diciamo che Arcibaldo conosce Ermenegildo, il secondo sta lontano ma entrambi fanno apprezzamenti estetici pesanti che suggeriscono molto ma molto sesso. Poi silenzio come capita spesso.

Ora: Ermenegildo conosce Sigismondo, ci si mette assieme, ma chatta lussuriosamente con Arcibaldo a dispetto di tutto. E non contento lo dice pure al suo nuovo fidanzato, millantando solo il fatto che sarebbe il povero Arcibaldo a provarci con lui.

Poi il karma, giustamente, gioca un brutto tiro: Arcibaldo e Sigismondo si conoscono e sotto amichevole accusa da parte del secondo, il primo tira fuori una conversazione salvata che incolpa il caro Ermenegildo.

Storia troncata e minacce ad Arcibaldo che si è solo difeso dall'accusa di troiaggio impune... di tipo karmico... "Vedrai che il male che hai fatto ti tornerà indietro"

Ma gioia mia... e tu che volevi mettere le corna al moroso? No non ho capito... io mi son difeso e mi tiri sfiga addosso... te eri pronto a dar via ciò che hai di più caro e fai pure balle? Indubbiamente strano...

Altro sabato distensivo al Red: non ho mai fatto un'analisi completa del posto devo ammetterlo... quindi come è nel mio stile ecco

Le verità innegabili sul Red Club di Bologna

Devi essere completamente cretino per non trovarci parcheggio;
E' abbastanza fuori per non dover chiudere alle 3 (vedi Scuderia) e abbastanza dentro per arrivarci comodamente (uscita 11/bis della tangenziale);
La mezz'ora di attesa per entrare magicamente non te la ricordi più quando ti apre la porta QUEL portiere (anche se ho recentemente scoperto essere etero, quindi più della porta non apre, minchia);
Io ho il mio barista personale che mi stupisce sempre, ma tutti assieme lavorano benissimo e al contrario di altri posti, ti danno un drink del valore effettivo che hai speso;
La chiavetta col codice a barre ti evita di perdere la drink card, spettacolo (specie per i cerebrolesi come me);
Il ballerino principale con microfono ha il raro e sottile gusto di non cantare dietro alle canzoni al contrario della Kelly a Parma (ti amo gioia, ma fammi ascoltare Lady Gaga per intero almeno una volta...);
I BARISTI A VOLTE DIVENTANO CUBISTI, e in un caso specifico anche oggetti di tremendo desiderio del sottoscritto;
Ad un certo punto della serata non serve cercare l'amore perchè con lo sbardavello di gente in pista è un pò come un'orgia da 100;
Quando verso le 2 sei stanco e non vuoi farti strada palpando, 3/4 della discoteca è in dark quindi puoi respirare;
HANNO UNA SALA FUMATORI, SANTI SANTI SANTI PROPRIETARI, VI AMO PROFONDAMENTE!!!
Il locale non è enorme, ma è molto ben fatto, specialmente l'entrata ampia e la pulsantiera che sto ancora cercando per aprire le pareti e raddoppiare lo spazio;
Vorrei lavorarci, lo ammetto;
NON CI SONO DONNE, di quelle dalla nascita che ubriache al vomito ti prendono a calci ridendoti in faccia non sapendo che in quel momento non sono donne, sono solo cretine alle quali un calcione nel culo non negherò mai;
La gente che si incontra arriva praticamente da 4 regioni;
E' un locale che piacevolmente ospita tutti i range di età.

Per ora mi fermo qui, ma potrei andare avanti per ore...

Direi che mi fermo qui, tanto venerdì prossimo tocca alla Scuderia quindi tutti pronti al paragone:-)

The Lady

Riflessione preliminare su Bologna

2010-03-11T18:40:00.004+01:00

E ti alzi alla mattina per andare a lavorare. Litighi col responsabile perchè è effettivamente un coglionazzo, ma tiri di buon grado alla timbrata d'uscita perchè le tue colleghe sono due angeli. Poi pian piano (perchè vigliacco il bus fosse mai in orario) arrivi a casa, appoggi la borsa, corri a fare la spesa.

Torni, accendi il pc, attacchi Facebook e Gayromeo... e più o meno è come litigare col responsabile perchè il 99% delle volte sono cazziatoni sul perchè non hai risposto... interessante giornata tipo.

Vero anche che in mezzo a quei messaggi c'è anche un saluto da amici lontani, un progetto per scherzi di laurea e circa una mezza dozzina di proposte sessuali da valutare con attenzione, visto che una storia ora come ora è difficile metterla su...

Perchè? Mah... sarà che mi fido poco della gente visto che fattisi chiavare una o due volte spariscono tutti... sarò poco interessante hahaahhahahaahha:-)

E' bello il modo comunque... "Ciao come va? Dove abiti?" merda manco la buoncostume... E così, tra una proposta di aperitivo e una di fisting ululante mi faccio per così dire strada in quel del mondo gay sotterraneo bolognese... parecchie volte facendomi anche grosse risate, devo ammetterlo...

Come a Parma ci sono i soliti modelli gaius che ho riportato nel corso degli anni nella rubrica Queerk, pur tuttavia le condizioni sociali sono migliori al punto che anche sul lavoro, per dire, tutti sanno che sono gay e vanno pure fieri di avermi li a fare commenti vari...

Cosa un pò meno piacevole è che dopo anni di undercover a Parma se vado a ballare al Cassero o in Scuderia devo mettermi un boa di struzzo per far capire in giro che son finocchio... eh... bel casino... Poi oh, vuoi che ad un certo punto mi rompo le palle di occhi molto indiscreti che mi sbucciano come una ciquita e non attaccano bottone, vuoi che magari quella sera l'ormone è particolarmente insidioso, allora sono io a fare la prima mossa...

Una menzione particolare va al Red comunque: almeno li sai che se non ti si avvicina nessuno è perchè sei un cesso. Oddio... poi se vai a fumare in determinati luoghi di quel locale transformer (si transformer, schiacciano un bottone e si apre come la casa magica di Barbie...) puoi star sicuro che qualcuno ti aggancia... ma non saprai mai chi...

Ma quattro domande mi sorgono comunque spontanee su quel club:

Dove minchia sono finiti i miei adorati paninari all'uscita?
Come mai 3 della Britney e Revolver di Madonna (Original Version) non sono mai in playlist?
Il portiere/controllore fumo dei bagni è gay pure lui? E in caso, ci sta?
Se tanto doveva tenere qualcosa di duro in mano (sabato scorso una racchetta da tennis), il cubista under 30 non poteva chiedere qualcosa in prestito a me?

Alla prossima

The Lady

Where were we?

2010-01-03T00:07:00.003+01:00

Sorry dears the queue to by our vodka was a bit long... What? Six months? Don't be ridiculous we've been away just for ten minutes tops...:-)

Oh boy... I don't remember being away this long... does this make me a Doll? Well in this very short period I've been told me and the Gentleman had quite something to do. I moved, she did her girlfriend as many times as she could....

I'm not any better though... the guys I've met since my last... well... loss of time... are countless. Does this make me a slut? Oh you bet it does! I was even thinking to print a t-shirt with "Plug & Play" on it... hahahahahahhaa

I have a new life in Bologna and I got back in touch with so many long time lost friends, same job though... not insanely paied, but still a good job that lets me to save a bit for my goal: to reach London and don't come back. Well... just in special occasions...

The Gentleman can be located now in her bedroom with the GF doing XXX the way that when I asked to stop by to say hi she answered I couldn't because it would have meant wearing any kind of clothes before tomorrow night (when the GF is going home in Rome)... this gives you the idea of what kind of person I'm dealing with... there's also a really funny thing about fresh cream but it's not my issue to discuss...:-)

Important thing of the blog is I'll have to post something in Italian since... well there are people waiting for some more of my Queerk and they don't speak English... not to mention I'm funnier in my language:-)

This is all for now

The Lady

Holiday!

2009-08-06T12:02:00.005+02:00

Finally 2 weeks off... this has been the longest and dreadful summer of my life.. I really miss the 3 months off we had during high school years..

Anyway... tonight I'm living to get to my parents beach house in Tuscany just 1 hour and 15 minutes highway drive from where I live. To bad that I fucking hate that place.. think about Palm Beach, Italian version. Too many People..all the wrong kind. It helps that is also 20minutes drive away from Torre del Lago, namely the Italian Gay Bay... I used to dig that scene...

I'll be staying untill Tuesday just to tan a little, run, play tennis and make my 'rents happy.. why you'd aks? well one day I'd like to inherit and since I've already drop on them the "Lesbian Daughter" bomb, I've to play suck up from time to time.

Now the best part of my 2 weeks off will be the the 8 days I'll spend with GF! FINALLY I might add..

ME + HER + MY PLACE + 8 INTERRUPTED DAYS AND NIGHTS = you can imagine the result! :P

And just 'cause I would like to leave you with something funny look at this pic I took at my work notebook screen...

Notice something??

Too bad my colleagues are a bunch of stiff heteros otherwise they would have got the message :P :P

Happy Summer Holidays to everyone

see you on the 24th..

The way to Klingon

2009-08-06T11:45:00.011+02:00

Apparently Italian Universities are running out of ideas of new courses and degrees to offer. It’s recent news that Rome University will be opening a new master degree in “Personal Training” something that should make us reflect on where we’re heading as a society...

Anyway while chatting as always with the Gentleman I suggested that we should probably propose to the dean even more new degrees to keep up with the modern ages…

The first we came up with, since we're stuck with this economic crisis, has been Escorting Siences… How to be a Gigolò in the 2.0 era...

Think about it: no morning classes (even menwhore need their beauty sleep... especially if you banged asses all night long...), for once in an entire life finally some subjects one may really want to study, and the certainty that after the degree you ARE GOING to find a job...

And believe me, we're not kidding... it wouldn't even be the craziest thing in university's history... do you remember Klingon classes? Enough said...

But since me and the Gently can't simply stop once a stupid issue has been found, we've spent almost 30 minutes thinking of the best subjects to put in the curricula, meaning that, and you all knew it, a list is about to be written:-)

PLEASE NOTE: I'm totally unaware of any not Italian university evaluation system, therefore I'll use the only one I know. To get your degree you must collect 180 credits in 3 years, said credits are given by passing exams. Every 27 hours of work (class and home) give you 3 credits.

FIRST YEAR (60 CREDITS)

(4) History of Prostitution - From Eve for an Apple to Paris Hilton;
(4) Terminology - How to always have the right (secure) word to say;
(10) Techniques of Giving Pleasure - You think you know it? Surprise! You don't.
(6) Kamasutra - To grant you a future good position;
(4) History of Pain Modulation - From Torquemada to Madame Brutale;
(10) Shopping 1 - Dress for success;
(6) Phisiology - This is a penis, that is a vagina;
(6) Cosmesis - Basic elements of Liquidproof makeup;
(10) Fitness 1 - Build up your career

SECOND YEAR (60 CREDITS)

(4) Empathy - How to anticipate any of your client's needs;
(10) Economy - Think about what you wanna buy then set the price;
(10) Mental Focusing - They're not all beauty contest winners...;
(6) Shopping 2 - Rubber & Leather;
(10) Fitness 2 - Spread your wings...;
(10) Techniques of Receiving Pleasure - Or pretending you're having some;

THIRD YEAR (60 CREDITS)

(10) Fitness 3 - Now you can rent a flat in Olympus;
(6) Shopping 3 - Things he\she's gonna buy for you;
(4) First Aid - Be prepared for anything;
(40) Practice - Earn a minimum of 10.000 in 2 weeks to get graduated

Something like this... now that's the degree I'd like to have. "Master Degree in Escorting"... but I'm not sure my parents will be glad at the party right after... hahahahahah

The Lady

This could be fun…or really ugly.

2009-08-05T16:27:00.008+02:00

I’ve just found out that a new sexy store has opened not more than 3 minutes away from my place… suddenly adding plus 50% to all town sexy shop offer… (btw: 200 thousand people, just 2 sexy shops… are we officially the most sexually dull town in the world or what?)

Anyhoo… to add fun of cosmic proportion…I was surfing the net to see if they had a website (they don’t’) (don't look at me that way.. 2 days ‘till vacation and I’m officially out of things to do at work, you figure..) so I've found out another small detail about the shop… their phone number has just the last cipher different from my home number.. mine is 0 their is 1…

Potentially this could be one of the greatest unintentional karmic/cosmic coincidence ever…
Finally a true reason to keep an answering machine...

I mean… the possibilities for fun are endless… (this should also be a nice sexy shop catch phrase btw...)

Am I immature and childish enough to give away “the wrong” number at any given occasion? YOU BET I AM.

Am I seriously hoping that my mother will be there to pick up the first call from a customer complaining that the vibrator they bought isn’t working properly or asking if we got the last instalment of Debbie Does Dallas XXI or All the President’s men-whore…? YOU BET I AM.

Am I overexcited about it maybe ‘cause I’m bored to death? YES, probably I am…

La Rubrica del Profilo Incontri n°5

2009-08-04T11:26:00.002+02:00

"One Night Only, o sesso alla Beyoncé"

Un altra sfaccettatura del diamantone da 200kg che mi si è riproposta di quando in quando nell'ultimo annetto... la meccanica è facile: conosci uno su internet, è simpatico, dalle foto sembra effettivamente uno bono così dopo 2 giri di cam e proposte indecenti velate da inviti a cena siete già li a meditare sul quando e sul come.

Ah, piccolo dettaglio: è oberato di impegni perchè sta partendo, ma non tra una settimana o un mese eh? No, troppo facile. Parte tra 2 giorni e sta a 100km...

Ma lasciatemi spiegare la faccenda in modo puramente e squisitamente personale di modo che chiunque possa capirlo:

"Sono esattamente quelle situazioni in cui dal di fuori potresti aver trovato l'uomo dei tuoi sogni (erotici o meno) ma che per un'intricata tarantella di bastardissime congiunzioni astrali non puoi approfondire dal di dentro perchè manca il tempo materiale per farlo"

E dietro di te, mentre architetti gli orari, il percorso e carichi il navigatore per non perderti riesci distintamente a sentire e vedere il fantasma di quella puttana della Beyoncé che alzando ritmicamente entrambe le dita medie ti canta "Heeeeee's gooooot one night only, one night only...."

All'attivo di questi incontri ne ho almeno una decina, il che mi porta a pensare che o sono io che attiro le farfalle o la casistica cosmica di questo periodo ha un finissimo senso dell'umorismo del quale per ora non colgo profondamente il senso...

Voglio dire, a cosa serve coltivare l'orto con amore quando poi non riesci a mangiarti i finocchi? Specialmente quelli Svizzeri aggiungerei...

La soluzione? Que sera, sera... d'altronde non è che ci si possa fare granché e in ogni caso anche io ad ottobre sarò uno di quelli in partenza... è una ruota che gira.

E poi ci sono volte in cui tutto questo correre per conoscere qualcuno da buoni frutti... specialmente quando ti ritrovi ad una cena con di fronte il tuo obbiettivo in pantaloncini che gioca a fare il ponte levatoio e di fianco, ai fornelli, c'è una stanga di suo miglior amico di 1,83 in slip col culo di marmo che prepara pollo alla senape per tutti facendoti più che altro pensare a quanto preferiresti un paio di gnocchi per dolce...

The Lady

Gentleman's Weaknesses

2009-07-27T10:00:00.008+02:00

I've to admit that when it comes to women I've 3 major weaknesses...

I literally can't resist:

1) Women who knows their way around a kitchen and enjoy food;

2) Redheads;

3) Lucy Lawless

But let me explain…

1) I’ve this weird habit, upon meeting a woman for the first time, (any context, not necessary on a date) the first thing that comes to my mind is “how good is she gonna be in bed?” (complete with 1 to 10 rankings… ) but I assure you than is less shallow of how it sounds and it was not always linked by my desire of actually try said women in bed... as I said, it’s just a weird habit of mine.
Basically it's just a matter of body language, smartness, humour and wickedness..
But is proved that certain behaviours and acts in life are also well connected to a certain friskiness and predispositions when in comes to sex…and I know it may sound slightly chauvinistic but none on the less I’ve to admit that this habit of mine helped me a lot during my single years…anyway, through my experiences I did elaborate this very simple connection: “good in the kitchen=good in the bedroom” (and I’m not saying this to beat the drum of my own parade, mind you…). I mean do you have any doubts that the like of Padma Lakshmi , Nigella Lawson , Cat Cora or Giada DeLaurentis are totally firecrackers in the boudoir?
Yeah, me neither…

2) Redheads… it’s pretty simple… my first was a redhead (welsh gal to be precise) and since then I guess I developed a soft spot for the reds and/or auburn haired ones…(my first “more than 2 dates” girlfriend was also redhead, now that I think about it…) which would also easily explain my mild obsession with Tori Amos (BTW: I’ve been recently re-listening all her discography, and boy, was I depressed or what when years ago I spent hours loop-listening songs about rape and domestic violence… geez need some Prozac much?)

3) That’s just So. Obvious. I’m not even gonna waste time explain it...

...so, taken all that I’ve said before, you can imagine my surprise when I've stumbled upon this picture on AE: [insert a OMFG moment here…]

(still from the new series in the works "Spartacus: Sand and Blood" ) and if your eyes are well trained like mine you'll notice some girl-on-girl action and look out for the lucky gal with her hand right in Mrs.Lawless snatch..

The jury is still out about the general effect of the pairing: LUCY + RED HAIR... (I'm very much partial for her brunette self, I do enjoy my classics after all...) but still... I’ve only one thing to say that not involve the words "thud" or "yummy"…
I'm VERY lucky that my VERY understanding and beautiful GF allowed me to keep Lucy as my " Celebrity crush freebie" :))

...now if just the TV Gods would have the splendid idea of putting her as guest judge on Top Chef I'd die a happy lesbian...

Money, Money,Money...

2009-07-24T16:03:00.006+02:00

There’s this lottery game in Italy called “Superenalotto” it’s a lot like the Powerball game you have in the US… to win the first prize you have to get 6 numbers picked out of 90 (you win also with 5, 4, 3 and 5+1 jolly number).

This Saturday the first prize is about 105 millions euro (around 140 millions $). Yep, you read it right.. that’s a boatload of money.
Unless you are a sport phenomenon, a business nerd, a trust fund baby or Bernie Maddoff…

Thinking about it I believe that's entirely too much money for just one person to spend… unless you have the sort of very expensive taste that makes your home gain a sure spot on CRIBS ’cause you bought a gold carved toilet or a plasma tv the size of a soccer’s field and your bed is surrounded by a pool…

Anyway… it’s not like I’m gonna win it (I did buy a 5 combination card though..) but it’s fun anyway to think about what one is gonna possibly do with all that money.

Like: "Would you keep your job or profession even if filthy rich?" I sure won't.

I always joke with GF (actually those jokes are the main reason why I've started play this game in the last couple of weeks) that with all that money all our “distance issues" will disappear immediately!
Either I’ll buy a bigger house here or an house there where she lives or we will just move away wherever we feel like. Not a bad plan if you think about it.. plus we are not the kind of gals with expensive taste...as long as the home I'll buy is a super geek house with all the latest Apple's gizmos wired inside for GF and with a gym, a tennis court and a big kitchen for me I believe we will be happy and set as long as we need it... You know, just enjoying our life with ulimited credit lines on amazon.com and Ebay, making love all day long and breeding Westies :P

But domesticity dreams aside.. what would YOU do with all that kind of money? This are my 5 top silly choices:

(I’m voluntarily putting aside any donations and charity ideas.. why? Because we’re talking dreams here and no one is a philanthropist in dreams, we all are greedy and excessive… but if I ever had that kind of money I'll either create a Charity Fundation or make annual donations for cancer research and one for funding dog shelters )

But back into shallowness…

1) Since I'm a child trapped in a woman's body...I’ll buy either this or this then probably sell it after I realize that a 200 mph car isn’t exactly flying when you have a 90mph limit to respect…I’m not gonna spend 140 millions in fines!

2) I’ll go to any top ATP world tour event in a calendar year.. meaning: Melbourne (Australian Open), Indian Welles, Miami, Montecarlo, Rome, Madrid, Paris (Roland Garros-French Open), London (Wimbledon), Toronto/Montreal, Cincinnati *, New York (US Open), Paris-Bercy, Shanghai, London (Master Cup) (* Cincinnati.. ewww...I know.. wtf.. but hey you only have 140 millions to spend once in a lifetime… unless your name is Gates, Jobs, Woods or Madonna… )

3) I’ll buy the rights of “Fried Green Tomatoes” and have Jamie Babbit or Angela Robinson re-direct it with the original cast (at least Mary Stuart Masterson and Mary Louise Parker.. the others, who cares).. but this time with a very much maintext lesbian storyline.(what can I say...young adulthood traumas are not washed away easily...)

4) I’ll will follow Angelina Jolie around the third world in all her humanitarian efforts and then bid on the same orphans she’d pick.. just to piss her off and see if she can go back to Crazy-Angie… (btw.. that’s how she got hers babies right?)

5) I’ll put an HIT on Ilene Chaiken… Sorry I know it’s kinda bitter but she has to pay… in the name of Dana Fairbanks, crappy season finale, logic and continuity!

Crap, now I’ve at least another 10 stupid desires that come to my mind…anyway.. I’ve shared mine, not you share yours!

God save the Lady

2009-07-22T13:26:00.004+02:00

And believe me the title is only for geographic purposes... because of course I have faith in something higher... but it's something I may buy someday.

Anyway this is the big news of the period: I'm moving to London. Since from October I will no longer own my shop and I will no longer have anything to keep me here in Italy I've decided to leave almost all behind and go somewhere else. London is my best option.

Sure I'd like to buy Japan someday... but hey... everyone needs a starting point isn't it?

Let's just say I've been there 10 years ago a couple of times and I think I had the first crush in my life... for a city ahhahahaha:-)

Not to mention gay life will be easier than here where a gay guy still have to hide from everyone and must learn by heart the "How to be an amazing sex spy" manual in order to live another day...

But back to the issue: I'm moving permanetly.

In order to do that I'll need two basic simple things: a job and a bed (and no, working in my bed would be nice, but not a good option).

Bad thing is that I don't think I'll find anything in websistes because of my job: being a barman/bar manager/cook makes things difficult because you usually have to go directly in a place and ask for hiring... but my CV is on at least 15 different employement websites, I'm quite confident I'll receive at least one call before October.

Strange thing is the room: I had dozens of offers in all London (how about that?) but I don't think I'll be able to accept any of them before I leave Italy since I'd prefer to stay the closest I can to my working place... problem is I don't have one, yet.

And then a came up to my mind some days ago... I'd really like to work in a porn shop. No kidding. It'd be the best way to do something people will appreciate, that I could be proud of (meaning I'd make people happy), and something that will automatically exclude any possibility of dealing with my biological enemy: children.

I mean, I'm an ice cream seller, I make people happy so I'm proud of it, but really, I can't stand screaming children. It's amazing to understand such things with such delay huh?

Yes, I have a dream... thousands of people using their toys, watching their x-rated movies, using their dominator suits... and when they'll be about to get to the "point"... they'll all have my face in their mind...

Isn't making a thousand people come without a single sweat drop from my forehead a big accomplishment?

So, dear readers, it's time to help the Lady: I know that among you there must be someone from London that could do something. If there's vacant job I'll take it, no matter what it is, just let me know. Thanks

The Lady

Well secluded beneath ice cream but still alive

2009-07-21T14:55:00.004+02:00

Just when the Gentleman started believing I was finally out of the way in this blog... here I am ready to show up again to bring some male (...) point of view on... well... anything my mind comes up with.

While surfing on the tube I bumped into these two videos buried in my past... note for everyone: back in 1992 and 1993 I was (9 then 10) totally unaware of any meaning of any English/American single word besides love and fuck so you can imagine that these were too much for me to fully comprehend. I did last week and believe me, LMAO is not enough to explain...

Another reason to love the 90's...

The Lady

Who said Italians have no sense of humour?

2009-07-08T16:33:00.003+02:00

Seen at today G8 Summit's inauguration at L'Aquila, Italy.

President Obama was one of the first to arrive.

The town and the region had been almost completely destroyed no more than 3 months ago (330 deaths) by a terrible earthquakes. Many of the habitants are still living in tend camps. The summit, which should have been held in Sardinia, was moved to L'Aquila by the Government as a measure to get world leaders acknowledge the tragedy. (or as many other said, was just a stunt made for publicity ).

I know, I'm a lucky bastard...

2009-07-06T15:46:00.001+02:00

Love is when your girlfriend cares so much about your health that she warns you to eat abundantly before coming visit her

(after have been 5 weeks apart)

because she has no intention of letting you out of the bedroom for at least 36 hours…

The Great Mall of China...

2009-06-23T11:00:00.008+02:00

Text messages conversation with my dad who’s right now wondering up and down Beijing and the Great Wall of China with my mom for a week long holiday/work trip…

Dad: “After half a day of shopping with
your mother we are still alive. Barely. Kisses.”

Me: “After half a day of shopping I’m surprised that mom hasn’t been put yet in the
list of the biggest "Made in China" importer right behind Wal-Mart...”

Dad: “we still have two full days ahead of us…anything
can still happen”

Me: “I feel for your Platinum Visa…”

Dad: “and I feel for your inheritance… ”

Frakk...

You should know that right before departure, our family physician had the wonderful idea to suggest my shopaholic mother a mall in Beijing where all the biggest European designer’s outfit and products are sold at Chinese prices…meaning that an original* Valentino silk tie can cost you 1 euro… nevertheless to say that must have been the greatest news my mom ever received since her first sonogram...

(* it looks like it's common for Chinese factories which work and produce for the western world, to use the same materials and techniques to produce the exact same clothes - with desingner's brand-, only that those are "destined" only for the Chinese market, hence the prices are ridiculously low...)

They left with 2 suitcases, and isn’t hard to imagine that that number will be easily doubled before departure…

As always I’ve instructed my mother about potential souvenirs and gift for me.. to ease the process I wrote down to her 3 simple rules to follow, to avoid the usual domestic drama scene: she buy me something that she thinks is perfect for me, while I find it hideous.. of course I can’t hide the fact that I do find it hideous and she ends up taking it personally as if I was doing it just to piss her off…

Anyway the rules for mom are (and this time I called my dad as witness… ‘cause you’ll never know…)

Rule n.1: If you like it and you’d wear it, then do not buy it for me… we absolutely have not the same taste…in ANYTHING.. it’s been 26 years now, you should have coped with it.

Rule n.2: considering rule n.1 if it something you don’t like or would never wear then there is an high chance that I would like it
(side note to rule n.2… rule n.2 does not apply in case you utter the words “Do you have it in pink or with flowery prints?”)

Rule n.3: if rules n.1 and 2. are satisfied than remember that if it fits you I’ll need a size more…since your concept of “form fitting” includes belly button showing and boobs exposure..

Side note to rule 1, 2 and 3: Remember if the aforementioned rules are to strict to abide, then you should now that cash is always a respectable solution

Or...you know, she could always follow Shane's advice...

...but considering my mother strong will and utter refusal of reality I suppose she would end up convincing Kate that pink and cocktail dresses suits her, that she'd need to put on at least 15 lb and have a boobs job... :S

Update: I’ve received a phone call from Mother about her recent shopping frolics…
It’s not a mall but a whole market's street with indeed thousands of designer’s brand clothes…
Hereafter the approximate amount of stuff bought by my parents in a 4 hour span (I’m no fucking kidding)

For her:
2 Pucci’s dress
2 Prada’s suit
Undisclosed amount or raw silk (various colours) than later will be sawn as various dresses
4 cashmere twin set sweaters
2 Burberry trench. same model: one white, one black
2 D&G tops
2 Miu Miu sling backs

For Dad (he says a lot about mother's shopping hobits but he's even worse than her...)
Armani wool and cashmere trench
Belstaff raincoat
2 pair of Ferragamo sail man moccasin (and he did not have a boat)
2 tailor made (they tailored it in one day) suits
20 ties
4 to 6 (mother couldn’t remember) cashmere sweaters
And an undisclosed amount of Polo’s shirt (probably between 10 and 15.)

For me
2 Pucci’s top
2 v-necks cashmere sweaters
A Dolce and Gabbana biker jacket
Half a dozen of Abercrombie t-shirts
3 Hilfinger Oxford shirts white, black and blue.

Plus some other things that she was not going to confess, which frankly scare the shit out of me..

We ended the conversation with mom saying that she was going to bring back to Italy also her Chinese masseuse.. “ ’Cause you have no idea how wonderful those girls are… incredible skilled hands”… I’m surprised of how much she sounds like a cougar lesbian when she’s enjoying her revamped moment of colonialism…

Follow up

2009-06-09T16:54:00.005+02:00

Follow up…

I have the tendency to talk about things or introduce issues and then drop them mercilessly..so here a little follow up…

My mother surprise birthday party last week went great, and by great I mean that the surprise factor almost gave her a stroke.. and no, I’m not exaggerating she positively became cyanotic from the shock. But after the initial cardiovascular scare the party went on without a problem. My dad stole my spotlight at the last moment wanting to Mc the night himself. He basically got scared shitless about me saying something inappropriate…

The day after the party I left for yet another wonderful, passionate, fulfilling weekend with GF… why am I saying this? No particular reason, I just like to brag :P

On a related note… while on the train, destination happiness, I had the unfortunate fate to travel with a family of six close by.. to be fair the 1st class wagon was unusually filled with children.. I let you imagine the chaos evoked by those evil spawns… the icing on the cake? One of the mothers, after I gave her the -WTF? Keep your gerbil-children quiet or I swear I’m gonna throw them out of the window -look calmly told to the little demons “c’mon children, be quiet and do not disturb the madam…” don’t mind the gerbils YOU bitch are now on top of my list of disposable passengers…

I bought a new car. Is small, pretty, with a sporty edge, all the geeky gizmos a car must have and sand coloured leather interior…for about 2.4 seconds I thought about buying an hybrid car, but then I reasoned that I did not want to dignified those car companies who attempt to guilt-induce me into buy a fugly piece of machinery just to prove that I am environmental friendly.. next time try to made an hybrid car that doesn’t look like a fucking piece of Lego. Btw..I don't know if it is possible to personalize car plates here in Italy but if it is I'm thinking about somenthig like: 2EVIL4U

On Sunday I almost risked a stroke following the French Open Men final between my beloved (mancrush wise) Roger Federer and this year surprise/underdog/champion slayer the Sweden Robin Soderling. For the ones of you who did not care about tennis, that was not just a match, nor just a Slam final.. it was defining a moment in sport history. With that victory King Roger not just tied Pistol Pete Sampras as all time Slam titles winner (14) but he entered the elite club (6 member today) of players who won at least one of all the 4 different Slams. I’m an avid tennis fan and believe me, not even an earthquake could have me distracted from the match! That was until GF and I decided to text each other throughout the whole match ( to keep each other company and quarterly-hour update on my health status) prompting me to say that she is most definitely the only human being - or supernatural force - that can divert my attention from Roger even when he’s playing for a place in history.

Sunday I’ve also won 200 euro (almost 300$) betting against my dad on the results at the Belmont Stakes race … he picked Mine That Bird (big favourite to win) I choose Summer Bird (a decent 11:1 odds) who indeed won the race. My mom picked Dunkirk who placed itself second, a pick based solely on the jokey jersey’s colour… nevertheless to say my dad ego where lower than Cleveland Cavs fan’s moral…

Later on Sunday afternoon I was back at the country club where I played tennis for a while with a new sparring. I call her CrazySally, ‘cause she kinda look like an anorexic pre-botoxed version of Meg Ryan… 37 yrs, married, no child, and right in the middle of the dreaded 7 years itch.. that’s probably why she cannot pass a second without complaining about her husband.. maybe I’m not the most social person of the world but somehow I believe that is not appropriate to talk with an almost total stranger (we played twice together) about your husband lack of passion in bed… or lack of everything as she bluntly stated. I blame Sex & the City to have convinced straight married woman that sharing and comparing sizes about husband/lover penises is rad.

Monday I moved into my new office space… I fucking hate it. The walls are painted in Smurfette’s blu, it’s an open space so that means no privacy whatsoever, so I’m relegated to very limited IM chatting or stupid youtube video sharing. Plus now that I’m more in contact with my colleagues I’m starting to revaluate the perks of my job.. and yes, only 24 hours has passed and I’m a drama queen.

Update: CrazySally just invited me to spend a week with her on the Red Sea in July... I've politely declined, not that there is to read anything more than disperation and loneliness in that invitation mind you..
And since desperate women (present GF excluded) are “attracted” to me like a moth to a flame…summer is blooming and my country club exhibitionist is back… I don’t think she’s an intentional nudist, just a fellow member who only comes in when the summer swimming pool opens up.. and by a twist of fate it looks like we have the exact same time schedule.. sort of.
When I arrive at the locker room she’s usually naked and while I change myself she usually initiate a conversation with me, even if there are dozens other people inside (she always is right in front of my locker so I do not have many excuses to avoid her).
The strange thing is that when I get ready she’s still naked!! I’m not a prude and I’ve absolutely no problem with nakedness but she’s just absurd…
To add fuel to the absurdity when I come back either from a gym session or a tennis match who do I always, and I do mean always, find in front of the locker? Yep.. her.. and guess what? Always “wearing” her birthday-suit.. doesn’t matter if she’s coming or going to the showers.. there she is, parading her snatch. And even in the showers she’s always blabbing at me (startling me more than once ). She has absolutely no respect for personal space, like the time when she almost entered the shower with me before I stopped her with a look that could have been read as “another step and I punch you in the face, bitch” …or like the fact that she has this awkward habit to spread lotion on herself just inches away from me…and by spread I mean that she spend solid 20 minutes in doing so while I redress myself.
Last evening she just went over the top when she asked me to closely look if the red spot between her tits (yep, you read it right) was a mosquito bite or something else… WTF?? Is it that ok? I don’t think so…
I mean, it’s a locker room for god’s sake so it’s not a surprise that people walk around naked, but she’s too much invasive for my taste..

and in related - surprising for no one -news... Adam Lambert is gay and the Earth is round!

There’s always a first…

2009-06-04T22:24:00.006+02:00

Dear Afterellen’s Staff and Editors,

Since apparently Hallmark and other similar companies did not make yet “Thanks for having me meet my soulmate” postcard I decided to use the old fashioned way: a thank you letter.

And what a better occasion to do so then the 4th June!

Why so much enthusiasm for a common summer day you say?

Well it may be common for you as probably few billions of people out there, but it has something kinda special for at least 2 people that I know.

In fact, exactly 525.600 minutes ago (I know, I’m a sucker for RENT…) me and Girlfriend life paths crossed for the first time, albeit virtually, right on your web site.

Of course at the time she had a proper nickname and was just one of the other few Italian members you had registered…and I was just looking for fellow Italians readers to expand my msn contact list with a general email sent at multiple account “hey, thanks to have accepted the invitation nice to see some fellow Italians here…” (or something like that...)

Now, what happened in the between, in the following 12 months, is too complicated, and not to mention private, to discuss it here but let's just say that not even in my wildest dreams (or nightmares considering how I felt about commitment back then) I would have envisioned the story of us as it is unfolding nowadays.

It didn’t matter the distance Karma shamelessly put between us, or our diverging backgrounds and life stories, nor even my turbulent past or hers.

We clicked, we matched, we ended up, maybe not even knowing how or when, being constantly in each other minds, we fell in love and we still are.

We need each other like lungs need air, and the distance, which maybe helped us to not rush things, building our friendship first before taking the chance of something more, now is becoming much more than a geographic nuisance.

Of course not everything is perfect.. for example I’ve completely lost street cred with my peers.

I mean, just last year, I was the poster child for the “love-them/leave-them” lesbian club… now? I’m a cuddle bear who miss not having her gf in her arms each and every night.

Just one year ago I would have had no troubles two timing someone I was dating.. now? I’m giddy every time Gf make up another silly-cute nickname for me (yes, as you can see by my constant use of the word girlfriend I’m not the one in charge of forging cute and sweet nicknames).

More than a few friends and acquaintances have told me that I didn’t look, or sound, like myself anymore and nevertheless I’ve never felt more at ease and more myself as I am these days.

So this is just to let you know, that sometimes impossible or unpredictable things can happen, even just with a simple personal message, a polite response and maybe, just maybe, the not fully aware sensation or feeling that fate sometimes works in the strangest ways.

So thanks again, all of you.

I sincerely hope to make this thank you letter a tradition for many anniversaries to come.

yours truly,

theGentleman

The last one

2009-06-03T23:13:00.002+02:00

Now that you're gone, here's my wish: I wish someday, somehow, you'll understand there are reasons for a person to lie sometimes. And that lying on something, sometimes, it's the only way to keep buried something that hurts.

That day, if YOU'll be lucky, you'll understand too how selfish and immature is your behaviour when you keep teasing someone who already apologised, and payed with his heart.

Reasons for lying are there precisely to explain why someone had to hide his deepest truths, if you don't listen to them, keeping thinking that what you believe is the only logical truth that exists, you're going to lose people. As you did, with me. Funny thing is: you said you don't care, but you kept playing bastard with me although you knew I was deeply hurt until our very last night out. Not even a kid would have behaved that way...

Time will come for you to understand, and when you'll do, remember my face that last night. If you'll feel even a bit guilty, showing you're a full grown up man, then, and only then, I'll wish you this:

Farewell, and don't say che mi vuoi bene ever again until you've understood, now that's a lie.

The Lady

Theme Song

2009-05-28T15:22:00.004+02:00

My heart is out (as the rest of my body is :P) for those poor Californians who didn't get married in time...

I sincerly hope that this would be the last straw that will lead to a common and more unite LGBT movement and fight for civil rights.

In the mean time I believe this song (and the amateur made video - first seen on Joe.My.God's Blog) well represent my thought on the California Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage's ban.

new State motto? "California..the land of endless possibiliies, but for equal civil rights you'd better move to Iowa"

btw.. this song is my new cell tone ring..

Birthday roast..

2009-05-28T00:00:00.001+02:00

On Friday my mom will turn 50.
Kinda strange considering that I'm still twentyf..[cough cough]

To her credit she doesn’t look a day over 60… just kidding, you would probably think that she’s in the bottom half of her mid-40s. Good genes and almost 1 billion euros spent in miraculous creams and beauty treatments…

Still, since she is coming off a very hard and rough time, my dad has decided to throw a big party for her, even if she doesn’t seems in the mood for any kind of celebrations right now.

The party will be a surprise party.

(insert gag reflex)

The very simple plan my dad organized is the following:

We made my mom believe that we will go, just the three of us, in a very nice and fancy restaurant for what it will look like a quiet family dinner... to bad that almost 40 of their closest friends (and a few family members, just not the elder ones) will be there waiting for us.

I personally think it is the second crappiest idea my dad ever had (the first one is coming in a second), but that’s just me: after all I did manage to spoil and not show up at MY OWN 18th birthday surprise party…

But I digress…

The first crappiest idea dad ever had is when he decided, a week go, to make me official Mc of the night… meaning I will have to entertain the guest with humorous jokes while the history of my mom in pictures will be showed on a big screen at mid party.

Yes, I’m no freaking kidding.

".. because you have such an International background” which is my family code for: “we paid for your travels since you were a toddler now you owe us ” when they want to make me do things I distaste.

The thing is, I DO have an international background, and I'm going to use it...that’s why I’m planning to turn the night in some kind of “Roast” (definitely not an Italian tradition) :a tasteful one… as tasteful as my sense of decency will allow of course.. [insert evil grin...]

Since I'm the one that will be doing the commentary, I 'm also in charge of the pictures selection for which I have to follow few simple rules:

1) no pics with husband #1 (aka my biological dad) in it, because since IS husband #2 (aka dad) who will be paying for the festivities it would be inappropriate
2) no pics with recently deceased relatives (no parents and no brother)

And with this premises, believe me, being funny isn't gonna be a piece of cake ...

(btw.. speaking of cake... by the information I've gathered the b-day cake will be some sort of multi-layered-3 floor white extravaganza with vanilla cream, whipped cream, meringue, white chocolate and...gold leaves.. :S I'm afraid I'm gettin' type B Diabeitis just typing about it)

Of course I’m working on the comments for the other pictures that I’ve chosen the other day here few samples

… the first pic in the series will be one of those Egyptian pictograms… “As you can see from one of her earlier pictures, botox do does wonder ”
(about a picture where my mom, her teen years, is skeleton-skinny) … “This one has a particular emotional value for me, because when I first saw this I realized two things: first that thinness isn’t hereditary and second that I finally had something to send over at Kate Moss to make her feel fat”

(about a picture of her with me on a stroller at 9-10 months near a lake in a park) … “this one was taken right before she threw me in the lake… but to her credit it was in self defence, I was actually trying to strangle her moments before ”

(about a wedding picture with my dad) “As you can see from the profits stats in this semester, the properties value have considerably rose… oh shoot, wrong cue card…(turn to see the pic) oh well I guess I can use this anyway… ”

And so on…

Between dinner, presents, musical entertainment and more presents, the bill my dad will have to pay is closely resembling a stimulus pack for a third world country...

… to quote a famous commercial:

Dinner in a fancy restaurant for 40+ people : € 3500

Fancy cocktail dress + shoes for me, because “Don’t you dare show up in a suit again” : € 850 (with my dad credit card)

Birthday presents (Prada white leather hobo bag , 2009 collection – which I’m totally gonna steal from my mom - , with coordinated key chain and wallet) : € 2000

The chance to embarrass my parents if front of all their friends?: Priceless…

(well, except for the risk of being evicted from the testament will...)

Morning joke

2009-05-27T10:05:00.001+02:00

Q: “So, have you ever made one of your lovers, or even someone else lover, scream your name in the heat of passion?”

A: "Oh yeah, almost every time…but to be fair I did legally change my name in “Oh God” few years ago…. "

Somehow I think it is ironically appropriate to buy lesbian books on a website called "Amazon"...

2009-05-22T14:40:00.015+02:00

When Friday arrives I always need a brief moment to unwind a little at the office because frankly otherwise I’ll be prone to scream and to use physical violence towards the colleagues..

Today I decided to dedicate few minutes searching some good readings for the summer season (meaning: easy readable paperback novels with absolutely no heavy content but just happy lesbians in it, or if not happy at least hot lesbians…)

Of course being a loyal customer of amazon.com I can always count on their valid (yet sometimes creepy) suggestions, this time though I was also provided some titles by Alex the WryWriter via the Kissed by Venus book’s review page.. (thanks btw ;))

Thanks to the dollar/euro rate exchange I can afford more than a dozen of books at once, and while I’m not sharing the titles I’ve bought, generally the plots go along this way...

Woman A, gay and with a lesbianish name (meaning that it can be shortened in a 3 or less letter nick: Sam, Jay, Mel, Cat, AJ, Max, Jes etc…) with a glamorous or at least interesting job (cop, doctor, lawyer, corporate executive, secret service operative, actress, horse trainer, rock star, stripper) exceptionally good looking (as that the term drop dead gorgeous is used A LOT while describing her) meet some random Woman B either closeted gay, bi-curious or straight(not for long) with a more femme appearance and girly name (or a weird/original foreigner name ) whom is either her new colleague/partner/patient/assignment/opponent/pain in the ass (with most of the time an ex boyfriend or a boring current one –if straight-) then, after an initial period of reciprocal distaste, they proceed to get involved in some improbable conspiracy involving either a serial killer/the government/ the mob/ a drug lord/ an abusive ex or a shadowy past and while fighting against all odds, doubts and prejudice they inevitably end up falling in love.. first by yearning for each other from afar then giving in to the attraction (page 110 or so…)
then when all seems to point to the happy ending some new troubles happen but at the end they will find their way back to one another…
the end.

Of course some variations may appear (for example the time period setting… I rather read about contemporary/modern time anyway… notable exceptions: Sci-fi and Horror/Mystery novels).

It has to be said that how all of this is written makes all the difference, a good dose of humour or the right amount of angst and emotion can turn an unimaginative plot in a decent read. But this could also be said for many serial writers we have nowadays… you know, the ones that publish a new book every six months...

And you know what? As cheesy and sappy (and painfully obvious) this plots may be I still FREAKING LOVE to read these stories!

Just one suggestion that I’d like to let out in the interweb… to the book’s cover authors: please, try not to be too graphic.
I’m not ashamed of my readings , but seriously I would rather not have to read on a train or while sunbathing at my country club a book with a woman’s crotch or a tong clad butt on the cover…

(the one on the left is the Italian edition of Rita Mae Brown’s Rubyfruit Jungle… the one on the right.. just paper porn, highly suggested…)

Anyway…

Order placed, I decided to take a look at the always surprisingly funny non-fiction section in the Gay & Lesbian book world… and I must admit that some of the titles seem just made to be made fun of..

(I didn’t put the authors because I did not read any of those so I don’t want this list to look like a suggestion of some sort, but nevertheless these are all real titles found on amazon.com so feel free to look for them if you see something of your interest...)

1) Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

Hundred and one positions? And what I’m supposed to do on Monday…

2) The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks

I believe this is just a guide filled with drinking games and cocktail recipes...

3) The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment

They lost me at “male”…

4) Same Sex in the City: (So Your Prince Charming Is Really a Cinderella)

That sounds funny… even if I consider Cindarella nothing more than some sort of crazy rats-talking maid…

5) True Secrets of Lesbian Desire: Keeping Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships

Sure… keep writing books about how to avoid Lesbian Bed Death Syndrome and you know what the results are? Lesbians in Bed reading and not having sex…

6) The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex: A Complete Resource for Women and Men
Again.. don’t want to sound like I’m an heterophobe but I did not order a side of pegging with my strap-on..

7 ) The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex

…I think there’s a joke in there somewhere…

8) Box Lunch: The Layperson's Guide to Cunnilingus

What’s not to love about a well placed metaphor…

9) CBT: Cock-and Ball Torture in a Nutshell (SMTech Educational)

If they ever sell this with a CD with the soundtrack from the Nutcracker it would be a true laugh blast...

10) How to Get Laid: The Gay Man's Essential Guide to Hot Sex

…from the same author of the great literary disappointment : “How to Get Laid: The Gay Man's Essential Guide to Not So Good Sex ”

11) Office Kama Sutra: Being a Guide to Delectation & Delight in the Workplace
Written by Clinton B. and Spitzer E...

12) Eleven steps to the inner orgasm: The G spot (Quick 25 minute "how to" reader)

...And now lesbians will break up over silly arguments such as: “you don’t love me enough because we just made up to step six while I know for sure ‘cause a friend-of a friend-whom I befriended on Facebook-who was the rebound girl for your ex, told me that with her you arrived at ten…”

See... that's why I'm partial to fiction...

Lost in Translation: Good Advice and Formatting Brain...

2009-05-19T10:11:00.006+02:00

Since it looks like I finally have half an hour to spare and that the new and improved dreadful office web filter forbids me to look at 2/3 of the blogs that I usually follow (Sublimefemme, FunnyorDie.com, Syd's blog to name a few...) I have the time to translate Lady’s last post.
Considering that it has been ages since he last posted and when he finally decided to write something he did it in Italian I must step in to bring his words to the masses.
Too bad his are not happy words these days.

Here’s the translation:

Good Advices and Brain Formatting

It’s funny… I can give advices to anybody with an almost ridiculous level of precision and righteousness, but when those exact same advices are thrown in my direction for me to follow they have no effect whatsoever.
If it wasn’t so devastating I would probably laugh at it… there is to wonder wether I am different from everyone I know or if my problems are just so peculiar that no good words seams to be able to, I’m not saying solving those, but at least soothe the pain a little bit.

I’m in love with someone.

It happens. I’ve always tried my best to avoid it, but it happens. Someone I could describe as unforgettable, sadly.

Afterall, as I’ve always said, when you love someone is forever, even when the relationship ends. You cannot love someone JUST for a certain amount of time. Love, the real one, is strong enough to resist even when the other one isn’t there anymore…or as it is in my case, when the other one doesn’t want to be there anymore.

However, I begin to ask myself if it was worth it to surrender my defences and deeply fall in love with this person when in the end the whole thing resolved with me, heartbroken, and him laughing at me while telling that it was over.…

Yes, that’s what I keep asking myself, because sadly enough I have a very strong memory, used as I am at not forgetting anything, anybody, even if I generally pretend to do so. But I never forget, like a pc and sometimes I wish to clean up my memory and formatting the whole thing…

“I don’t know what to say…I’ve realized that I was wrong with you, I should have been sweeter, because you deserve that. I’ve realized that you indeed love me, and that I love you too”

And after that, the illusion I was envisioning from afar completely took me over. It was done, there was something to hope for, and I gave in, accepting the defeat, loving him, like I never did before.

“You know, I don’t think you should trust him, he’s a boy, far from home, alone, who probably told you that because in that moment he didn’t know what to say. I don’t necessary think that he really loves you, and quite frankly is possible that at his age, for what you have told me, he doesn’t really know exactly what love is in the first place.”

I knew it, that was the same advice I would have given, to take it easy, stay detached and wait for his comeback before rushing to conclusions… but as I’ve already said, I’m as much good at giving good advices as I am incredibly inept to follow those for myself, even when they flash through my head like a fire alarm.
I couldn’t do anything, the words he wrote to me, that night, had unblocked something that I was keeping quiet for too long. And for the first time, after so long that is just a cloud in the memory, I loved that boy, unconditionally for the reason that from my part it could have been only love.

“You’ve made a mistake”

“I really hope not, but I can’t do it otherwise”

But I did make a mistake

I loved him, I dreamt about something important, and I've been punished for it. With his laughs.
I probably deserve it, I believed that I could have had something real that lasted more than a couple of months…but one can not build reality over illusions...

“When I told you I was feeling it for real”

No, you were not. Not if after merely 2 weeks you've changed your mind. Because at the showdown I do believe that you absolutely don’t know what truly being in love with someone means. Maybe one day you will understand it, when you will feel what I’m feeling right now, and then, that day, remember me.

My mind is steely, the memory do not betray and I cannot forget. Nothing. Nobody. Never. I wish I could, but it’s impossible. If I could I would do it immediately...

“Ah thanks a lot, would you erase me also?”

“For how I am feeling right now It would be hard to decide what to whipe out: the good memories, the bad ones, those amazing moments or those that were hurtful”

Now I know.

I will cancel everything.. the moguris, the cactuars, all those roses, the evening eating Chinese, the nights slept together, those endlessly phone calls, your smiling face, the songs I sang when coming home from you, Yuna...

All that was good and fantastic

I cannot forget, the way you are itself forbids me to do it, but I can chose what to remember, and I chose to remember something that will not hurt me everytime it comes back before going to sleep.

Some friends told me I’m pathetic, others called me sick, but I’m not, I’m just a fool.
I love someone who doesn’t understand what he’s been missing leaving me, who doesn’t understand that contrary of others I take him as he is, and I bear with him regardless of his immaturity.

“I don’t understand, how can you tell that you would go back with him immediately?? No, really you are clearly a masochist… don’t’ you see how has he been treating you? What he has done to you??”

Yes, I would go back with him. Here I said it, I love him. All those good advices are useless. Those are words that have to be said, but I have nor the strength or the courage to follow. I’m a rock, I don’t bend if not for the right reason, I can stand every ordeal and I tend to mediate the things of life, not for others but for myself, yet I’m helpless.

“So you are saying that when you will be free from that job, do whatever you want and going wherever you prefer, you would follow him? Move miles away for him???”

Sure, but not FOR him. Once I've been asked what my dreams were; well my dream is to move away from where I am now. London as first choice, because is the city I love the most in the world. But really, I just want to get out of here. If he goes to XXXXX and I cannot go to London, why shouldn't I go to XXXXX myself?
Sure, he will be there, but I’d do it for myself.

Another mistake.

“The notion that you would have moved to XXXXX just for me, scared me… I don’t want to have obligations”

But who told you that I would have moved to XXXX just for you? If I will move I will for myself.. XXXXX is a big city that I would like to visit and live. And in all of this you are just a plus, a big plus maybe, but nevertheless just a plus.

But now what is worth to talk about it? Broken dreams, unforgettable memories and no one seems anyway able to take their place. That’s the burden of my memory, erasing it… no, I can’t, and not because I don’t want to.

So now, finally, the only advice that I can follow and listen to: Closure. One last chance to see each other, to be over with, like grown ups and then take separate roads. If fate wanted for us to met there was a reason and if fate will, we will meet again. But for now your presence makes me ache so I need to get rid of it. One last night and everything will be over and done.

And for you who's reading this and that may think, with a reason, that I’m a pathetic, a fool, a poor bastard I’m telling you this: there are people in the world that without warning, or permission, enter your life and offer you an advice.

Listen to those: even if you break your heart doing so.

Buoni consigli e Formattazione cranica

2009-05-17T12:15:00.002+02:00

E' divertente... do consigli a chiunque con un grado di infallibilità che rasenta il ridicolo... ma quando quegli stessi consigli li devo seguire io con me non hanno nessun effetto. Se non fosse così devastante riderei... viene da chiedere se io sia diverso da tutti quelli che conosco oppure siano i miei problemi ad essere così particolari che nessuna buona parola riesca non dico tanto a risolverli, ma quantomeno a lenirli un pò...

Amo qualcuno.

Succede. Ho sempre cercato di fare di tutto per evitarlo, ma succede. Una persona che descriverei indimenticabile, purtroppo.

D'altronde come sempre dico io, quando ami qualcuno è per sempre, anche se la storia finisce. Non si ama qualcuno per un certo periodo, non è possibile. L'amore, quello vero, è abbastanza forte da resistere anche quando l'altro non c'è... o nel mio caso, non vuole più esserci.

Però... inizio anche a chiedermi a cosa sia servito arrendermi, amare questa persona profondamente, quando poi alla fine tutto si è risolto con me, un cuore spezzato, e lui che mi rideva in faccia dicendomi che era finita. Mah...

Si me lo chiedo, perchè purtroppo ho una memoria adamantica, abituato come sono a non scordare nulla, nessuno, anche se do l'impressione di farlo. Non scordo mai niente, come un pc... e a volte vorrei davvero fare un bel formattone in effetti...

"Non so cosa dire... mi accorgo che ho sbagliato con te, avrei dovuto essere più dolce perchè te lo meriti. Mi sono accorto che mi ami, e mi sono accorto che ti amo"

E dopo questo, l'illusione che vedevo da lontano mi ha inglobato di colpo. Era fatta, c'era qualcosa per cui valeva sperare, mi sono arreso, e l'ho definitivamente accettato, amando, come mai prima di allora.

"Non so se sia il caso di fidarsi, è un ragazzino lontano da casa, solo, che probabilmente lo ha detto giusto perchè in quel momento non sapeva che dire. Secondo me in realtà non ti ama, ed è possibile che a quell'età, per quello che mi hai detto, non sappia neanche precisamente cosa sia l'amore".

Lo sapevo, è lo stesso consiglio che avrei dato io, di prenderla con calma, rimanere sul normale e aspettare di vederlo per poi chiarirsi... ma come ho già detto, sono tanto infallibile nel dare consigli quanto incredibilmente incapace di seguirli per me stesso, anche quando mi pulsano in mente come un allarme.
Non ho potuto farci niente, le parole che mi aveva scritto, quella notte, avevano sbloccato qualcosa che tenevo a freno da troppo. E per la prima volta, dopo così tanto che faccio quasi fatica a ricordare, ho amato quel ragazzo, incondizionatamente, per il fatto che semplicemente non poteva essere altro che amore, da parte mia.

"Hai sbagliato".

"Spero proprio di no, ma non posso farne a meno".

E invece... ho sbagliato.

L'ho amato, ho sognato qualcosa di importante, sono stato punito per questo. Con le sue risate.

Me lo sono meritato, ho creduto di poter avere qualcosa di concreto, che durasse un pò più di qualche mese... ma da un'illusione non nasce mai qualcosa di vero.

"Quando te l'ho detto lo sentivo davvero"

No... non lo sentivi davvero, non se dopo due settimane hai cambiato idea. Perchè a conti fatti, anche io credo tu non sappia assolutamente cosa vuol dire amare davvero. Un giorno forse lo capirai, quando starai come sto io ora, e allora, quel giorno, ricordati di me.

La mia mente è ferrea, la memoria non si scalfisce mai, io non posso dimenticare. Nulla, di nessuno. Mai. Vorrei, davvero, ma non è possibile. Fisicamente direi... e se potessi, davvero, lo farei subito.

"Ah grazie, quindi cancelleresti anche me?"

"Per come sto non saprei se eliminare i ricordi belli, quelli brutti, quelli fantastici, o quelli tremendi"

Ora lo so.

Eliminerei tutti i moguri, i cactuars, tutte quelle rose, tutti i quei ristoranti cinesi, le notti insieme a dormire, tutte quelle lunghe telefonate, il tuo viso che sorride, il tuo corpo che si agita ballando, la strada che porta mi portava da te, le canzoni che cantavo al ritorno, Yuna...

Tutto quanto c'era di buono e di fantastico.

Non posso dimenticare, la tua stessa natura me lo impedisce, ma posso scegliere cosa ricordare, e scelgo di ricordare qualcosa che non mi ferisca ogni volta che mi torna in mente quando mi corico la sera.

C'è chi mi ha definito patetico, chi ha detto invece adirittura malato, no... sono solo un cretino. Amo qualcuno che non sa cosa sta perdendo lasciandomi, che non sa che a differenza degli altri che ha conosciuto, io lo prendo così com'è, perchè riesco a sopportarlo con la testa che si ritrova.

"Io non capisco davvero, come fai a dire che ci torneresti subito? No guarda sei un masochista, guarda che ti ha fatto, e in che modo poi!"

Si lo farei, l'ho detto, lo amo. Anche qui i buoni consigli non servono a nulla. Sono cose che si devono dire, ma io sinceramente non ho la forza per seguirli. Sono una roccia, non mi piego mai se non c'è un buon motivo, sopporto qualunque cosa, e tento sempre di mediare le cose della vita non per gli altri, ma per me stesso.

"Cioè, fammi capire, ok che hai la libertà di fare quelo che vuoi e andare dove vuoi una volta finito quel lavoro, ma... proprio seguirlo, ti sposteresti a km di distanza solo per lui?

Certo, ma non per lui. Una volta mi hanno chisto quale fosse il mio sogno. Bene, il mio sogno è andarmene da dove sto ora. Avrei preferito Londra, che è credo la città che più amo al mondo. Ma a me basta andarmene di qui. Se lui va a XXXXXX e io non posso andare a Londra, perchè non spostarmi la anche io? Si, c'è anche lui, ma mi sposto per me.

Altro errore.

"Quella cosa che verresti a XXXXX solo per me mi ha messo paura, non voglio sentirmi così legato..."

Ma a te chi ti ha detto che vengo a XXXXXX solo per te? Io mi sposto perchè voglio farlo, non ho Londra a disposizione (e adesso men che meno) ma XXXXXX è una città enorme, che voglio vedere e anche vivere. Tu in questo sei un plus, si, un gran plus, ma solo un plus.

Ma ormai a che serve parlarne? Sogni infranti, ricordi impossibili da dimenticare, nessuno in grado di soppiantarli, in nessun modo. La mia memoria è quella, cancellarla... no, non riesco, e non certo perchè non voglia.

Quindi, finalmente, l'unico consiglio che riesco a seguire dandomelo da solo. Chiudi tutto. Un'ultima sera insieme per lasciarsi come si deve, da adulti... e poi ognuno per la sua strada. Se il destino ci ha fatti incontrare un motivo c'è, se il destino vorrà farci incontrare di nuovo, un motivo ci sarà. Ma per il momento, la tua presenza mi causa dolore, quindi la elimino. Un ultima sera, e tutto sarà finito.

E a voi che leggete questo, e che potreste a ragione rienermi uno sfigato, un patetico, un malato, dico questo: ci sono persone nel mondo, che dal nulla, e senza che venga loro chiesto, entrano nella vostra vita e vi offrono un consiglio. Seguitelo. Anche se vi si spezza il cuore a farlo.

The Lady

I think I'm finally gettin' the U-haul joke...

2009-05-12T12:21:00.006+02:00

So how was my weekend?

It was amazing, thanks for asking.

It was so good that two days has passed and I still haven’t completely recovered from it.

Not to brag excessively, but I did make a great host :)
let’s just say that my temporary bed & breakfast gained top scores in all the categories of hospitality.

(and yes, my lasagna and my gluttony-heaven tiramisù were excellent and very much appreciated...)

Really the only downside of the all experience was that it did not last long enough
(other downside…we are right in the middle of pollen season, I live in countryside and my baby is allergic to pollen and cut grass.. she did not have a pretty hour on Saturday night, let me tell you)

Anyway… how good it was… cuddling on the couch, playing with my puppies (btw they fell in love with her right away and they didn’t even need to be bribed with cookies like I suggested.. they clearly are superior dogs when it comes to judge people)
and I’m not listing the other activities because, well I’m not named Gentleman for nothing you know.

Me and Gf usually say that our weekends spent in hotel rooms loving each other are like our bubble, our little moments of incredible happiness away from all troubles and life problems; away from concerns, away from labels and everything that those can means.

This time, for the first time, we sorta burst the bubble.
We were instead in something real, something homey, with different rhythms, different habits.
It was similar and yet deeply unlike everything we shared before.

Her presence in my space, in my world has been so strong than I can still feel it around the place and strangely enough I’m surprise by it, which is odd considering how in just less than an year she entered my life and became so important and such a great part of it.

I feel like now it’s not anymore just about affinity, chemistry, intimacy or even comfort… it’s like something clicked inside me while we were dining together or talking silly while watching my childhood pictures..
like a little voice inside my head that keeps repeating:

“You know what… this could definitely work outside the bubble”

Twice as good...

2009-05-07T12:59:00.004+02:00

Tomorrow at 7pm I’ll be picking up my girlfriend at the train station.

Yep, you read it right.

Second weekend in a row with my love.

SECOND W.E
IN A ROW
TOGETHER

Am I happy? I’m super duper ecstatic here’s how happy I am!!!!!!!!

Plus, no hotels. (and no luggage madness...)

She’ll stay at my place. (insert happy dance...)

Which means I can unfold in all its awesomeness my Stepford wife/perfect housewife mode…

Because as many other Italians like me (not that many at my age to be honest..) there are 2 rooms where I’m completely and totally comfortable in… one is the bedroom and the other is the kitchen :P (that's also why in my head "Top Chef" and "the Naked Chef" were totally two different kind of shows...) So here I’m planning the “Gentleman's House Special Treatment” for her.

And believe me… one taste of my lasagna and she will be on her knees proposing me to move to Vermont :P

(and I’m talking about "real lasagna" not metaphorically, get you minds out the gutter already!! )

You are probably thinking that I’m a little over my head praising my qualities but believe me I’ve been raised by two generation of women who where taught by other before them that culinary prowess is the key to marital bliss and that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.. I’ve bathed in that philosophy for years… ok maybe I left out the “men” part, but what it counts is that me cooking is the ultimate deal-sealer ;))

The truth is that I love to cook for my family, for my friends or even just for the sake of it… I love to follow receipts or just take what’s in the fridge and make something up in the spur of the moment.

But since I envisioned the possibility to have my GF at my place for the weekend I couldn’t stop being giddy with the prospect of having the chance to cook for her, which is awfully femme of me…

the phrase

“Honey, what you want for dinner?”

is looping in my mind for days now. I crave for this moments of domesticity with her, I never had it before (even if I did live with 2 my past gf, but it was another me altogether)

and now I want it badly.

What can I say I’m a regular tomboy-sporty dyke, part-time lipstick with a flair for baked goodies and stir pans.

I’m a domestic goodness… only that I wear tank tops and shorts, under an apron stating “Me Loves Kitty” .

..So Now I suppose we should list her appearance on the L Word as "Guestbian"

2009-04-30T12:07:00.002+02:00

Just Reporting the news while I was reading IMDB...

McGillis 'Comes Out As A Lesbian'
30 April 2009 1:10 AM, PDT

Top Gun star Kelly McGillis has turned her back on men for good - reportedly confirming persistent rumours she is gay.

The actress been subjected to gossip about her sexuality throughout her career but she repeatedly denied speculation she was a lesbian.

But now McGillis has apparently confirmed she's shunning men in favour of a female lover.

According to Radar Online, she says, "I'm done with the man thing. I did that, I need to move on in life. That's another part of being true to yourself... that's been a challenge for me personally.

"I think that (accepting my homosexuality) was an ongoing process from the time I was about 12. I had a lot of things happened that convinced me that God was punishing me for being gay. That was a hard process."

McGillis has been wed twice and has two daughters from her marriage to Fred Tillman. The couple divorced in 2002.

Don't know if the news is gonna be confirmed or not.. anyway.. Welcome to the Club Kelly... As I can see you are already familiar with the dyke-uniform...

Freudian slip...

2009-04-27T11:49:00.006+02:00

Like I need a sign that my mind is heavily preoccupied with thoughts about me and Girlfriend finally reunite on Thursday after almost 40 days without seeing each other...

10 minutes ago, on the phone with a male colleague in charge of our soccer fantasy league (I know, I'm a dork... but it's a feminist stance and I'm kicking male chauvinistic asses on the league as we speak)

Col: Hey you win... 69 to 62
Me: (clearly absent minded) Of course I won with 69, that's my lucky number...
Col: (silence) (nervous laugh)
Me: (realizing what I just disclosed) m'okay, thanks, bye
(repeatedly hitting my head with the phone...)

As I've said once already... sometime I should just shut the eff up

Gaystorm? And here I thought we were supposed to bring the rainbows...

2009-04-24T11:31:00.005+02:00

Sometimes I wonder how it would have been like for the Civil Rights movements of the 50s and 60s if they had internet and youtube as a media to communicate…

You know.. seeing Dr.King defending the rights for African American to higher education on a youtube video message while some other right wingnuts racist organization would make a response video were they denounce how integration would lead to the end of the American society and values…

Luckily the right wingnuts/church bigots have a new field to plough with ignorance and hate… the gay one. Or to be more precise the one concerning “gay marriage”;
I use the quote because I personally hate when a noun is supposed to change meaning just because I put gay in front of it.
What’s the difference between a gay comedian or a straight one? It’s only matter if it’s funny or not… marriage is the union between two people, doesn’t matter gay or straight, who accordingly decide to celebrate their love and union in front of too many people and then inevitably stop to be happy and have sex– kidding- but the point is… why all the concern??

I believe you all know what happened in the last few months…

Marriage as been legalized in California and then the awful proposition 8hate passed depriving many couples of their rights.
With the new year few states have started taking in consideration the idea that maybe we are not discussing a matter of faith or religion, it’s a simple matter of equality and rights in a country that always pride itself about the defence of those.
So now you have Iowa, Vermont and Massachussets recognize to gay unions the same rights and duty than any other marriage. (and others states are on their way)
(I'm not talking about the Miss California debacle only because I think she lost not for her stance on gay marriage, but because in her answer she showed how dumb and valley-like she was...)

But the opposition is strong, well financed and ready to give battle to those who “insanely” believe that love is love no matter what.

The thing is… it may be an impression, but I think wingnuts are losing it even more this days...
I believe you all have seen the NOM (National Organization for Marriage.. what a fucked up name btw..) video about the “Gathering Storm”..
I’m not putting that on my blog, because frankly… I still have a little sense of decency in me… BUT THAT THING is HILARIOUS...
and I’m not talking about the spoof everyone is making of it… (see that later on) but the level of unintentional comedy in that video is impressive.
Really, spoofing almost doesn’t make justice to it.

First the setting.. A STORM??? Com’on is that a cheap jab at some biblical reference? Com’ON…
People should be afraid of Gay Marriage? For what? Glitter Related Injuries??
The mother worried about her child been taught in school about gay marriage? Piece of cake.. Dear, you should be more worried about a school system that teach your child that The Flinstones were actually historically accurate…

You know… I expect this level of moronicy from white dudes with sleeveless plaid shirt and trucker hats but watching African, Latin and Asian American defend this kind of ideas is even more hurtful.. don’t they remember that not so many years ago there were people saying the exact same thing about interracial marriages?

Oh and by the way… clearly there are at least 3 closet case in that video, that would explain why it’s so fucking ridiculous. Those are paid actors? they would have made a better impression if they had collected hobos from the street and have them read a prompter for a meal and a stiff drink.

Anyway… since it seems that the LGBT movement (and supportive straights) motto is “If you can’t kick their ass, make fun of their idiocy” here two of the spoof I promised before.

The first one is been made by Stephen Colbert (that I love)... he does Right Wing Mocking like nobody...

An then there’s this one made on FunnyorDie.com by no other than the wonderful Jane Lynch plus a lot bunch of friends and comedians (the ones I recognize: Sarah Chalke, Erin Foley, Liz Feldman, Alicia Silverstone, Jason Lewis and Lance Bass.. )

I'm not against the easy laugh... and boy those morons bigots know how to get one out of you, but sometimes I wonder if it isn't time to stop just make fun of them and start to actual dissect they thesis one on one not just with humour but with serious debates and proposal..

Like.. Are you against gay marriage? then don't marry a gay...easy right?

No title can describe

2009-04-23T11:58:00.000+02:00

The Lady

I think it's a legitimate question...

2009-04-23T11:52:00.005+02:00

See that crap above? Well I’ll be carrying that around on me for the next 24 hours.
It’s called blood pressure Holter.
I’m copy and paste from a medical site:

A blood pressure Holter system includes a pneumatic constriction sleeve to be worn on an arm of the user and includes a first sensor for acquiring systolic and diastolic values of arterial pressure of the user. A second sensor is carried adjacent a chest of the user for sensing movement of the user's body. The system further includes a detection and classification circuit for detecting and classifying movement of the user's body for producing an index of a state of physical exertion corresponding to systolic and diastolic values of arterial pressure. A fuzzy logic controller processes the systolic and diastolic values of arterial pressure using fuzzy logic.

(btw... what in the hell is "fuzzy logic"??? )

Sounds comfortable right? Wrong. It’s huge and that thing is dangling from my hip like an old school walkman. Plus the “pneumatic constriction sleeve” is activated every 15 minutes. 24H, hence night included.

Anyway I have to take this exam due to my latest fainting problems… my doctor seems to think that my pressure’s problem get worse when I’m standing still for more than few minutes…
Of course when he told me that I joked about the fact that I didn’t need a Phd to tell me that I fell better when I’m getting laid…

If it wasn’t enough, not only I have to drag this thing around, but in the spirit of sacrifice me and Girlfriend decide to put on a hold every flirting and/or sexual innuendos for the day… because we both know that even if we start out innocently we would eventually end up telling or writing (remember, still a long distance relationship) each other something that would risk to alter my test’s result…
I tell you.. she can raise my blood pressure with a wink and a smile.

BTW did I mention that I have the hormonal response of a midwesterners bachelor party in Vegas and that me and Gf haven’t been able to see each other in the last month?
Yeah.. I bet you get the picture…

I did accept my fate for the day, but still I could not refrain to tease GF a little bit this morning about what we call “austerity time” :P

Via text messages..

Me: Great… I’ve this thing attached to me for the next 24 hours measuring my pressure every 15 minutes… btw I’ve asked the nurse and she told me that neither flirting of phone sex are dangerous for the exam’s result ;)

Gf: It’s not true! You cannot have asked her that!! :D

Me: Why not? It’s a legitimate question after all…

Me: :P sniker

Gf: I knew you couldn’t have the guts to ask that! LMAO

Me: who knew… perhaps I did, perhaps I did not… ;)

Of course I did not.. but the fun thing is that for a split second she believed I did, and I love her for that :P

Someone's back in town

2009-04-21T14:11:00.002+02:00

And what happened after the last post? Well, exactly what I expected.

I woke up waaaay too early, I took the car and drove to Malpensa's Airport. Let's just say I arrived a bit earlier... the plane would have landed at 13:45... I was there at 11:30 but who cares, I've been in an ariport only 3 times in my 26 years, I just messed around a bit.

Anyway the plane landed, I was waiting standing at the gate and he came out... well, let's just say if he was hot before... now you can get roasted:-)

Of course I forgot where the car was and it took 15 minutes to find it, but eventually we left heading home, his home actually, mine is 60km further. And now I can see him anytime I want:-):-):-)

Now, this was the surface part. The deepest one is that, while during the trip home, he was telling all he did in Capo Verde, I was listening to him carefully but I couldn't help mentally singing my personal new best song ever: "He's back ho-ome, now I can see him"... 3 hours driving and singing it. Believeme it's more catching than Cyrus' Achy Breaky Hart, no kidding.

It's difficult to describe how good you can feel when you think you're not going to see someone you care so much for 6 months and then he comes back home just a month after he left. A sensation I'd say... overwhelming... I really have no words to explain. Maybe it's just that when you come to really love someone words are useless and in many cases lose all their meanings. And take it for truth, the only thing I was capable to think when I saw him at the gate was "Back, wow..."

Actually there was one thing that came up to my mind... a remake of Dolly Parton's Jolene. Remember the part of the song where Jolene is described? Well change some colours and there's my boy. When you don't have words to say how happy you are you kindly borrow them, right?

The Lady

Little facts from the dangerous mind of someone who never has time to post

2009-04-19T15:09:00.003+02:00

Well it's been a long time since I've last posted... could seem I have no interest in writing here but truth is I don't have really time due to my job...

You know... 12 to 14 hours a day have the unique power to drain your energy completely. Nontheless in this period many things have happened then I said to myself: "Why don't I show up again?"

Anyway:

First issue is the terrible earthquake that destroyed nearly a quarter of Abruzzo (Italian Region) and badly damaged another. The main city, L'Aquila, has been mostly wiped away in a matter of minutes. Nearby villages and small towns have been levelled, one in particular... just disappeared. In one night over 20.000 people have become homeless, among them many have lost their markets, bars, restaurants, shops... no home and no job. But they're still lucky, ironically. Because they have survived. These people haven't:

1 Abdija Nurije 1968 F
2 Airulai Alena 07/02/1998 F
3 Alessandri Carmine 55/65 anni M
4 Alloggia Silvana 09/11/1942 F
5 Alviani Marco 11/08/1967 M
6 Andreassi Irma 27/09/1936 F
7 Andreassi Maria Antonella 03/11/1958 F
8 Andreassi Loreto 22/04/1931 M
9 Antonacci Giuseppa 31/01/1924 F
10 Antonini Giusy 09/07/1984 F
11 Antonini Maurizio 02/03/1971 M
12 Antonini Genny 17/11/1986 F
13 Antonini Stefano 11/08/1999 M
14 Antonucci Maria Assunta 16/09/1947 F
15 Bafile Vittorio 22/02/1928 M
16 Balassone Silvana 17/07/1936 F
17 Basile Anna 24/11/1960 F
18 Bassi Agata 06/12/1940 F
19 Battista Ines 31/01/1933 F
20 Battista Martina Benedetta 14/08/1987 F
21 Belfatto Angela 02/10/1919 F
22 Berardi Achille F
23 Bernardi Maria 16/06/1949 F
24 Bernardi Gaetano 26/10/1928 M
25 Bernardini Giovanna 28/09/1978 F
26 Berti Valentina 11/02/1975 F
27 Bianchi Nicola 08/08/1986 M
28 Biasini Giovanni 1946 M
29 Biondi Elisabetta 19/07/1936 F
30 Bobu Darinca Mirandoli 29/09/1973 F
31 Bonanni Anna Bernardina 16/11/1936 F
32 Bortoletti Daniela 09/01/1987 F
33 Bronico Sara 06/07/1997 F
34 Brunelli Giulio 10/01/1937 M
35 Bruno Filippo Maria 10/11/1992 F
36 Bruno Berardino 23/04/1982 M
37 Brusco Luisa 28/02/1913 F
38 Calvi Bolognese Angela 04/05/1976 F
39 Calvisi Maria 31/05/1926 F
40 Calvitti Massimo 08/06/1959 M
41 Canu Antonika 27/01/1931 F
42 Capasso Iolanda 15/02/1963 F
43 Capuano Luciana Pia 25/07/1989 F
44 Carletto Lidia 30/01/1933 F
45 Carli Anna Maria 18/01/1944 F
46 Carli Augusto 03/01/1931 M
47 Carnevale Giulia 10/07/1986 F
48 Carosi Claudia 25/05/1979 F
49 Carpente Giovannino 01/01/1953 M
50 Cellini Luigi 17/11/1993 M
51 Centi Ludovica 28/09/2008 F
52 Centi Antonio 21/06/1947 M
53 Centi Pizzutilli Rocco M
54 Centofanti Davide 12/09/1989 M
55 Cepparulo Teresa 08/05/1948 F
56 Cervo Francesca 06/08/1945 F
57 Chernova Marija 07/01/2001 F
58 Chiarelli Achille 17/07/1934 M
59 Cialone Katia 09/06/1975 F
60 Ciancarella Elvezia 13/12/1958 F
61 Cicchetti Adalgisa 08/05/1932 F
62 Cimini Anna 27/04/1928 F
63 Cimorroni Concetta 28/11/1945 F
64 Cinì Lorenzo 01/06/1986 M
65 Cinque Matteo 05/08/1999 M
66 Cinque Davide 22/10/1997 M
67 Ciocca Elena 03/10/1919 F
68 Ciolfi Loris M
69 Ciolli Danilo 25/10/1983 M
70 Cirella Chiarina 16/04/1921 F
71 Ciuffini Dario 16/04/1983 M
72 Ciuffini Nadia 21/09/1952 F
73 Ciuffoletti Fernanda 09/03/1919 F
74 Cocco Anna 15/08/1928 F
75 Colaianni Ada Emma 11/12/1926 F
76 Colaianni Antonina 30/09/1926 F
77 Colaianni Daniele 1933 M
78 Colaianni Elisa 10/10/1933 F
79 Compagni Giovanni 11/03/1982 M
80 Cora Alessandra 08/01/1986 F
81 Corridore Rocco 05/04/1946 M
82 Cosenza Giovanni 20/12/1926 M
83 Costantini Luigia 07/01/1932 F
84 Cristiani Armando 24 anni M
85 Cruciano Angela Antonia 13/06/1987 F
86 Cupillari Andrea 11/01/1978 M
87 Dal Brollo Alice 24/12/1988 F
88 Damiani Giovanna 04/04/1923 F
89 D'amore Osvaldo 22/05/1951 M
90 D'Andrea Vinicio 14/06/1926 M
91 D'Antonio Giannina 60/70 anni F
92 De Angelis Lisa 03/02/1939 F
93 De Angelis Jenny 18/03/1983 F
94 De Felice Fabio 09/08/1987 M
95 De Felice Antonio 14/01/1966 M
96 De Felice Alexandro 30/01/2005 M
97 De Felice Lorenzo 14/01/2006 M
98 De Iulis Luigi 05/02/1927 M
99 De La Cruz Cursina Roberta 04/02/1952 F
100 De Nuntiis Maria Giuseppa 01/01/1925 F
101 De Paolis Anna Maria 17/04/1949 F
102 De Santis Angelina 20/04/1927 F
103 De Vecchis Panfilo 25/10/1922 M
104 De Vecchis Sara 01/02/1987 F
105 De Vecchis Pasquale 12/12/1938 M
106 Del Beato Maria Laura 08/03/1933 F
107 Del Beato Marisa 04/07/1935 F
108 Deli Serafina 18/11/1925 F
109 Della Loggia Lorenzo 02/12/1983 M
110 D'Ercole Alfredo 17/05/1942 M
111 D'Ercole Simona 23/05/1979 F
112 Di Battista Giuliana 04/03/1932 F
113 Di Cesare Luca 50 anni M
114 Di Filippo Rosina 26/02/1924 F
115 Di Giacobbe Maria 01/11/1947 F
116 Di Marco Stefania 12/02/1952 F
117 Di Marco Paolo 30/03/1987 M
118 Di Pasquale Alessio 14/10/1988 M
119 Di Pasquale Alessia 10/08/1986 F
120 Di Silvestre Gabriele 10/08/1989 M
121 Di Simone Alessio 13/09/1984 M
122 Di Stefano Domenica 23/01/1943 F
123 Di Stefano Odolinda 05/07/1937 F
124 Di Vincenzo Caterina 55/65 anni F
125 D'Ignazio Assunta 11/11/1937 F
126 Dottore Corrado 03/04/1963 M
127 El Sajet Boshti 09/12/2005 M
128 Elleboro Liliana 17/02/1933 F
129 Enesoiu Adriana 11/05/1961 F
130 Esposito Andrea 12/04/2006 M
131 Esposito Francesco Maria 16/02/1985 M
132 Fabi Domenica 12/02/1934 F
133 Ferella Delia Solidea 05/05/1928 F
134 Ferrauto Filippo 19/04/1932 M
135 Fioravanti Claudio 28/03/1943 M
136 Fiorentini Liliana 12/07/1931 F
137 Fiorenza Elpidio 26/10/1983 M
138 Franco Rosalba F
139 Fratì Mauran 13/01/1997 F
140 Gasperini Wilma 29/08/1926 F
141 Germinelli Giuseppina 2002 F
142 Germinelli Chiara 1998 F
143 Germinelli Micaela 16/08/1995 F
144 Germinelli Rosa 29/03/1992 F
145 Ghiroceanu Laurentiu Costant 19/12/1968 M
146 Ghiroceanu Antonio Ioavan 12/11/2008 M
147 Giallonardo Aurelio 16/06/1930 M
148 Giannangeli Salvatore 25/09/1934 M
149 Giannangeli Vincenzo 09/10/1973 M
150 Giannangeli Riccardo 13/05/1977 M
151 Gioia Piervincenzo 07/06/1963 M
152 Giugno Luigi 01/08/1974 M
153 Giugno Francesco 20/09/2007 M
154 Giustiniani Armando 30/04/1916 M
155 Grec Kristina o Marina 3-5 anni F
156 Guercioni Alberto 16/08/1973 M
157 Hasani Demal 15/12/1967 M
158 Hasani Refik 01/05/1965 M
159 Husein Hamade 28/07/1987 M
160 Ianni Franca 17/03/1948 F
161 Iavagnilio Michele 20/09/1983 M
162 Iberis Maria Incoronata 02/04/1927 F
163 Innocenzi Pierina 03/09/1952 F
164 Iovine Carmelina 15/12/1986 F
165 Italia Giuseppe 02/08/1963 M
166 Koufolias Vassilis 08/09/1981 M
167 Lannutti Ivana 03/07/1986 F
168 Leonetti Maria 21/03/1928 F
169 Liberati Vezio 12/06/1946 M
170 Liberati Vincenzo 06/11/1941 M
171 Lippi Giovanna 01/01/1955 F
172 Lippi Giuseppe 03/12/1918 M
173 Lisi Pasqualina 03/03/1950 F
174 Longhi Laura 10/05/1935 F
175 Lopardi Lidia 18/03/1917 F
176 Lunari Luca 15/03/1989 M
177 Magno Ada 05/10/1916 F
178 Marchione Francesca 08/08/1984 F
179 Marcotullio Elide 11/02/1939 F
180 Marcotullio Maria 06/11/1939 F
181 Marcotullio Bruno 13/05/1942 M
182 Marotta Carmine 13/01/1962 M
183 Marrone Maria Gilda 24/07/1920 F
184 Marrone Lina Loreta 15/04/1927 F
185 Marrone Maria Fina 29/10/1923 F
186 Marzolo Giuseppe 11/04/1976 M
187 Massimino Patrizia 19/08/1954 F
188 Mastracci Luana 05/12/1961 F
189 Mastropietro Luisa 16/01/1935 F
190 Mazzarella Anna 06/09/1929 F
191 Mazzeschi Valeria 23/09/1924 F
192 Miconi Giuseppe 19/03/1920
193 Migliarini Roberto 06/12/1966 M
194 Mignano Maria Civita 20/08/1984 F
195 Milani Francesca 10/01/2000 F
196 Monti Vicentini Erminia 11/11/1945 F
197 Moscardelli Federica 19/04/1984 F
198 Muntean Silviu Daniel 22/11/2002 M
199 Muzi Liberio 26/04/1920 M
200 Muzi Lucilla 13/12/1961 F
201 Nardis Cesira Pietrina 03/04/1934 F
202 Natale Maurizio 07/12/1987 M
203 Negrini Vincenza 25/02/1929 F
204 Nouzovsky Ondrey 25/05/1991 M
205 Olivieri Francesca 03/08/1986 F
206 Olivieri Francesco 19/02/1951 M
207 Orlandi Argenis Valentina 01/01/1986 F
208 Osmani Valbona 13/04/1996 F
209 Pacini Arianna 30/07/1982 F
210 Palumbo Anna 09/06/1947 F
211 Paolucci Maria Gabriella 03/03/1959 F
212 Papola Arturo 09/05/1942 M
213 Papola Elena 24/02/1935 F
214 Parisse Maria Paola 10/05/1993 F
215 Parisse Domenico jr 07/08/1991 M
216 Parisse Domenico sr 31/10/1934 M
217 Parobok Anna 25/07/1990 F
218 Passamonti Fabiana Andrea 06/07/1970 F
219 Pastorelli Sonia 18/07/1964 F
220 Pastorelli Aleandro 19/07/1921 M
221 Persichetti Sara 02/01/1986 F
222 Pezzopane Tommaso 05/02/1928 M
223 Pezzopane Iole 13/06/1918 F
224 Pezzopane Susanna M. Celes 04/10/1983 F
225 Pezzopane Benedetta 16/08/1982 F
226 Placentino Ilaria 10/11/1989 F
227 Puglisi Paola 18/12/1940 F
228 Puliti Andrea 30-40 anni M
229 Rambaldi Ilaria 24/01/1984 F
230 Ranalletta Rossella 22/10/1984 F
231 Ranieri Oreste 24/04/1932 M
232 Romano Carmen 24/05/1988 F
233 Romano Giustino 06/09/1984 M
234 Romano Elvio 31/08/1984 M
235 Romualdo Maurizio Rocco 06/10/1920 M
236 Rosa Antonina 07/12/1925 F
237 Rossi Michela 27/04/1971 F
238 Rossi Valentina 22/04/1975 F
239 Rotellini Silvana 11/19/1933 F
240 Russo Annamaria 24/01/1970 F
241 Sabatini Serenella 07/09/1960 F
242 Salcuni Martina 31/03/1988 F
243 Salvatore Antonio 10/02/1931 M
244 Santilli Anna 09/07/1934 F
245 Santosuosso Marco 05/09/1988 M
246 Sbroglia Edvige 45/50 anni F
247 Scimia Maria Santa 12/01/1935 F
248 Scipione Serena 05/05/1984 F
249 Sebastiani Lorenzo 28/09/1988 M
250 Semperlotti Maria Grazia 17/09/1965 F
251 Sferra Ernesto 26/10/1925 M
252 Sidoni Emidio 08/01/1922 M
253 Sidoni Emanuele 10/06/1948 M
254 Silvestrone Vittoria 20/11/1917 F
255 Smargiassi Francesco 26/02/1944 M
256 Spagnoli Flavia 04/04/1989 F
257 Spagnoli Sandro 25/12/1957 M
258 Spagnoli Assunta 04/02/1949 F
259 Spaziani Claudia 1963 F
260 Sponta Aurora 25/02/1936 F
261 Strazzella Michele 22/01/1981 M
262 Suor Lucia Ricci Rosina 03/11/1926 F
263 Tagliente Vittorio 11/07/1983 M
264 Tamburro Marino 18/12/1930 M
265 Tamburro Giuliana 09/01/1963 F
266 Terzini Enza 02/02/1988 F
267 Testa Ivana 06/10/1930 F
268 Testa Evandro 07/06/1913 M
269 Tiberio Noemi 02/02/1975 F
270 Tomei Paola 28/05/1960 F
271 Troiani Raffaele 19/01/1975 M
272 Turco Giuliana 55-65 anni F
273 Urbano Maria 23/03/1989 F
274 Valente Mario 26/03/1926 M
275 Vannucci Matteo 21/06/1986 M
276 Vasarelli Vittoria 01/01/1924 F
277 Vasarelli Giuseppina 02/09/1929 F
278 Verzilli Paolo 11/04/1982 M
279 Visione Daniela 20/03/1966 F
280 Vittorini Fabrizia F
281 Zaccagno Armedio 07/09/1923 M
282 Zaninotto Sergio 04/09/1940 M
283 Zavarella Roberta 23/12/1983 F
284 Zelena Marta 15/07/1992 F
285 Zingari Guido 17/01/1949 M
286 Zugaro Giuseppina 17/06/1956 F
1 Non identified

Longer lists have been written down before and elsewhere in the whole world. It is a sad prize to have one these days. Especially for the fact that zone should have had antisismic buildings... but any really was even if certified. Someone gained money by lying on the safety of those buildings, and almost 300 people died. And those Mr. Someone are going to pay.

I'm 26, I have a job, but I'm still a student: in that city there was a student house, built 10, maybe 15 years ago, certified as safe in case of earthquake. An entire floor collapsed. 7 students died in a place they considered safe. No more words to say.

After thet night the entire Country is working to restore everything. A person falls, stands back up an begins to walk again... this is the process right?

Then, like a bad joke, the funeral wasn't attended by the Pope. A State funeral and he sent someone else in his place. He lives here, he reigns here he calls to spiritual duty for any single stupid thing in life, but he hasn't got enough time for 300 of his people. And no one said a word because he's the Pope.

Then I'll say something: "Shame on you, a disgrace happened, they asked you 2 hours of your time, and they were 1 hour away by car from your place. You didn't come, you've lost all of your credit."

And now back to lighter and happier news:

The first happy thing I have to say is that after going away a month or so my Guy is coming back to Italy. I guess there are no words to say how happy I am... but if there were... here they are. We had a fight right after Feb. 14th and things got bad until March when he left Italy to go working to Capo Verde for 6 (yes 6) months in a resort. I was angry for that, I didn't tell him, but before he left I asked him to stay. He answered he would have stayed but it was too late so he left. But after a month he decided to come back and I'm... let's see... PROBABLY THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE GALAXY? No seriously, let me breathe a bit... ok, I'm calm.

No I'm not.

HE'S COMING BACK TOMORROW AND I'M GOING TO TAKE HIM TO THE AIRPORT!!! I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!! I MEAN, TOMORROW AT 13:35 A PLANE IS LANDING CARRYING BACK TO ME THE SWEETEST THING I HAVER HAD IN LIFE AND I'M THE FIRST PERSON HE WANTS TO SEE ONCE IN ITALY AGAIN!!!

Not to mention it is likely we're going to live in the same city since starting from Sept. 30th I will be free to go searching a job anywhere I want, meaning anywhere he's going. Isn't that amazing?

Uff, sorry but right now I can't possibly think of anything else so I'll post something in the next days. I have to prepare things for tomorrow, here's my list, check it with me:

Easter egg: he was away and he didn't get one;
Candies he likes;
A stuffed tiny fox (he likes stuffed animals);
Naviga(y)tor (I've never been to Milan's Airport);
Ipod wih 4gb full of everything (I might need to wait for the plane);
A bag with a full supply of water/coke/similars;
My heart in my hand;
Full wallet for gasoline and I think lunch in chinese restaurant.

The Lady

Hope there's still room on the bandwagon...

2009-04-17T11:45:00.005+02:00

Sometimes I'm dull... sometime I deserve a big, fat "told you so..."

I've heard and read about Brandi Carlile so many times that I can't really count (Lostinco I apologize in advance :P)
and never take 2 minutes of my time to actually listen to her music... gosh am I stupid or what??
Or more precisely... I did listen a couple of songs but didn't quite "fell in love" like many others. Seriously i dunno what was on my mind...maybe to many years of folks music were tearing me off...

Then yesterday while driving back home from the gym I hear this* on the radio..

(* Brandy Carlile - The Story, 2007)

Yeah.. Bite me.. I know, musically speaking I've been living under a rock since 1998..

Now after a couple of youtube videos I'm officially on the Brandi's bandwagon...
downloaded her last 2 albums and I'm ready to worship her...

I mean... what a wonderful, wonderful voice...

Plus she's family... and has not one, but two Auryn's tattoo
I mean... what's not to like :D

PS. The fact that I was deeply moved by that song is not only imputable to Brandi's energy and passion in singing those lyrics... for the "moved" part I'm entirely blaming my girlfriend... she's making me sappy and emotionally vulnerable.. and I'm loving it :D

Women like them hot...and by "them" we mean other women...

2009-04-14T16:25:00.011+02:00

I love this time of the year! Why do you ask? Well, the sun is finally shining for more than a few hours for instance and that puts me automatically in a good mood… for about 5 minutes, until I realize I’m actually stuck in a office for 9 hours or more and than I’ve no reason to enjoy the warm weather which is also one of the main reason I’ve a pounding headache most of the time caused by my low blood pressure…plus now almost all my tennis matches are gonna be played on clay, and I fucking hate to play on dirt… now that I re-read this paragraph I might admit that starting off with “I love this time of the year” was a little exaggerated …

Anyway..

One of the reason this month doesn’t entirely suck is that is time again to cast my vote for the AfterEllen.com Hot 100 !!!!
Why the excitement? Well, let’s just say that I do not take this task lightly, as an obsessive compulsive dork I particularly like the list-making process which in this case translate in hours of google searching of hot women pics… too much? Well I’ve only have 10 names to drop so the preliminary selection is very important… I’m seriously considering creating a hotness bracket-style tournament…

This were my last year nominations

Tina Fey (ok maybe not “hot” in the general view… but would I be in awe and completely speechless in her presence? Yes I will…)
Jennifer Beals (no brainer)
Jill Bennett (funny, hot and out)
Bridget McManus (idem)
Sarah Ramirez (I was still watching Grey’s Anatomy back then, plus I’ve heard her in Spamelot…fun, curvyliscious and she can sing too)
Lena Headey ( not only I’ve seen Imagine me & you too many times to be comfortable sharing the exact number of it, but I’ve also dvx copies of The Beyhond and, even worse, of The Cave.. if these aren't clear enough signs of admiration…)
Lucy Lawless (really? Do I need to explain this? AGAIN???)
Kate Walsh (my readhead quota… )
Katee Sackoff
Trisha Helfer (who didn’t make the top100… how that was possible is still a mystery to me...)

The problem with this sort of thing is that I do have the tendency to forget hot celebs…so my selection generally reflect hot right now-celebs.

I think isn’t my problem but something that it is endemic in these lists.

For example two of my defining puberty moment were directly linked to :“The Last Seduction” and “Sea of Love” so naturally if I had to choose the lineup to an all time hotness hall of fame Linda Fiorentino and Ellen Barkin would be naturally in the top spots… Katleen Turner in “Body Heat” and Laura Harring in “Mulholland Dr.” would be there too… (If there is someone who can explain to me that movie it would be mostly appreciate it.. I tend to get lost after Laura and Naomi couch scene…)

But would it make sense to put them in this year list? Somehow I don’t think so…

Before sharing with you my finalist here few predictions about this year AE’s list based on common sense and a try at blind luck:

Tina Fey maybe not at #1 but still on the top 3.
Rachel Maddow from not even be on the celeb radar to an easy top 10 spot (maybe higher or even #1 but I’m not sure how much of the youngster vote she may collect)
Jill Bennett (3rd) and Bridget McManus (4th) will be (sadly) ranked lower than last year;
Lindsay Lohan will surge on top 20 honour (before the break up it wouldn’t have surprised me to see Samantha Ronson between the 95th and the 100th spot, now I’m not sure she will make the list at all…)
Recently out Clementine Ford will be in the top 50;
Freida Pinto as second highest new entry on the list, probably top 15
Wanda Skyes and Ellen Degeneres will be voted on the list mostly for political reasons (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
Portia DeRossi recent media roundup will probably propel her between the 70th and the 50th place..
If the lesbian and bi world has a weird sense of humour, Sarah Palin will be in the bottom 50…
Rose Rollins will probably rock the “Women of colour” category
All actresses from last season of TLW will be on the list.. exception made for Joyce, Phyllis, Kit, Marleen and Max…
Since this is the first post-Olympic list I predict at least 5 athletes in the top 100
Academy darlings Kate Winslet and Penelope Cruz will be easily in the top 30
Brooke Smiths probably ranked between the 80th and the 100th while neither Jessica Capeshaw or Melissa George will make the cut… just to prove a point
Among the musicians that would made the list: teen lesbian darlings Teagan & Sarah and Pink
In the battle of the “barely legal dynamic-duo” Gabrielle Christian and Mandy Musgrave’s summed ranks will be higher than the one from Blake Lively and Leighton Meester
In the second round of the “no f-way, she’s too young to be considered hot” Ellen Page will beat Emma Watson by a landslide..

Now for this year selection… I think that 5 names will be the same: Tina, Jennifer, and the Battlestar Galactica tri-fecta of Lucy, Katee and Trisha and then I have this shortlist (euphemism) of potential entries (I’m asking Girlfriend (nickname still pending) to share hers as well…I’m kinda sure I can guess at least 50% of her choices… )

Here’s mine:

- Salma Hayek (is not a mystery than 9 out of 10 living people wants to dip her in guacamole)
- Pink
- Charlize Theron (does the headtitle “Charlize bares it all in her new movie” would make me go in line to see The Burning Plain? Yes, it will…)
- Lena Headey (said and done)
- Megan Fox (the fact that she would strangle a mountain ox for the chance to get on second base with Olivia Wilde makes her even more pickable)
- Kadee Strickland (I think I like her characther in Private Practice more than her actually..)
- Cristina Hendricks (in the words of the immortal Karen Walker... "nice ka-tits")
- Lauren Graham
- Lucy Liu (recently saw her on Dirty Sexy Money...she still rocks)
- Famke Janssen
- Erin Daniels
- Sara Ramirez
- Erin Cummings
- Jill Bennett
- Stephanie March (ADA Cabot can prosecute me anytime)

As always, I’m sure I’m forgetting someone… please share your nominees in the comments :P

Doppleganger of hotness

2009-04-06T11:22:00.012+02:00

It’s a general known fact that L word Finale left millions (what? ok maybe it's too much, but it seems like we are recruiting pretty well recently... i.e see: Ford, Clementine )of lesbians hanging in despair, angry and with a substantial sensation of awkwardness… just like a Saturday night S&M blind date gone bad…

It’s also a known fact that Ilene somehow escaped the community’s whoopass mostly because we where induced to believe that the horrible sixth season and that all-around disaster of a finale weren’t bad, just unfinished. An authorial trick to introduce the announced spin-off series “The Farm”.

Now we got this news , that Showtime didn’t picked up the project (and frankly... who hasn't see it coming? I heart Leisha Hailey but, Alice in prison? in a Oz-esque dramedy? who thought THAT was a good idea??, seriously... )

As always the wonderful and wordy Dorothy summed it up perfectly in her last post.

Now what striked me most about this post,and for an entirely different reason, was this sentence about the useless and dreadful "Interrogation tapes" in particular her reference to the one of Ms. Peabody

"..Helena gave away the money (and gets hit on by Xena Sgt. Duffy)."

Wait a second and rewind... read again, and again...Lucy hit on Helena?? (please, please let not be another Ilene forced PSA on police brutality...)

Of course I have to check it out... since I've stopped waching the Tapes right after the Tina's one when she uttered the words "older sister + molested me" (wrong, and sick and soooo out of characther..)

ok.. femslash starts at the 2:00 minute mark! Ready! GO!!

Regroup, Rebreath.. who's ready for a Peobody/Duffy spinoff series where the two of them open up a private eye agency with the sgt. expertise and Helena connections and money... kinda like a lesbian riedition of "Heart to Heart" or better a lesbian "Moonlight" (hello, paging Phyllis ;)))

Com'on.. see Ilene.. isn't it hard to find decent spin off ideas... 3 words: follow the hotness!!
To be True right now the ideas that are coming to my mind about a spin off with Rachel Shelley and Lycy Lawless are more keen to be picked up by Cinemax then Showtime, but hey...I'm not a writer, I'm just a lover ;))

Btw... I'm trying to get from the vid Lucy saying "you are just breathtaking " then put it on mp3 and use it on a loop as tone for my morning alarm... or as a tone for everything!

What??? A lesbian can dream...

It will be a miracle if I manage to stay awake for the weekend…

2009-04-03T15:19:00.008+02:00

I had an hell of a week, long hours at work, scarce hours of sleep (who knew that I can stay and talk on the phone for almost 3 hours at night with my girlfriend spending virtually 0 cents) and last week has been even worse for me, so it’s no wonder that I’m less than excited heading into the weekend.

To bad that I’ve already set up nights out on Friday and Saturday (both already rescheduled more than once so I have now no acceptable excuses to get out of those)

As I said I’m stressed out both at work and at home. If this is gonna cost me a gray hair or a freaking line on my forehead I swear someone is gonna pay…

I may be whining but I’m seriously stressed… I fainted twice in my office in less than a month. The main reason is because I have low blood pressure (very, very low… as in "like a corpse" low ).

So now there are two rumours going on at the office grapevine… one that I might be pregnant and the second that I’m actually an alcoholic/drug addict… obviously I prefer fuelling the second one.
My doctor already told me that since these fainting are partially hormonal related I’d have to take a birth-control pill…
Yep… How ironic is that???
And here I thought that being a lesbian was all the “birth control” that I needed…

Of course I had to break the news to my girlfriend that despite how many times we will try (and believe me there will be A LOT of trying) she probably won’t get me knocked up that easily :P

That of course doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t call her “daddy” if she wants :P :P

(LMAO...I'm kidding, but I bet she’s blushing her ears off right now… :P)

Anyway since the main way to relieve stress is by increase the production of endorphin and considering that there are only two ways to do it naturally (and one would be waayy better with the presence of my girlfriend) I’m spending even more time at the gym exercising and playing tennis.
Why am I telling you this? Because I’m desperate to find appropriate songs to fuel my running and weights routine… recently I’ve been digging in the hip-hop/dance/house scene.
My favourite this days? Flo.RiDa's Right Round

Flo Rida Ft. Kesha - Right Round (New Clip 2009)
by FloRida_Officiel

I like the rhythm and I like that it reminds me of GF… “You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down”
… I know, I’m subtle ;))

And just because I’m still a child of the Eighties (literally I was a toddler back then) here’s the original version… which is gayer than a Steve McQueer movie…

Shoulder pads, kimonos, puffy hair and an eye patch? I believe that the Dead or Alive where the original butt-pirates…

Happy Weekend ya'll

The Puppini Sisters

2009-03-23T00:32:00.003+01:00

While parking my car some weeks ago I've seen these 3 women hanging on the wall... I didn't have time to go and see them but I was curious on what kind of music they could have made so I had a little research... well, I'm in love:-)

The Lady

Ten signals that you may be entering your adulthood (aka you are getting older)

2009-03-19T08:39:00.006+01:00

10. You always wear a scarf no matter how sunny the day looks because you know that with the first ziff of wind you’ll inevitably end up with a sore throat.

9. The first thing you look at, after buying a new state-of-the art smartphone, is how to set the menu with larger icons, ‘cause god forbid if you have to squeeze your eyes to read the menu.

8. Every time you go visit your grandma at the nursing home you end up “stealing” at least a couple of rice puddings thinking that those are perfectly valid lunch substitutes.

7. You are seriously contemplating the idea about investing your savings on something valuable instead of spending them to buy your dream sports car.

6. You are totally buying the idea that the 30s are the new 20s….

5. While usually you were baffled every time you were carded on a bar or nightclub now you patiently wait for the bouncer to ask your ID with a smile on your face and hope in your heart. And a 10€ bill in your pocket to tip him eventually ;)

4. You now feel the need to correct people that call you Mrs, pointing to them that you are still a Ms…

3. while sorting through your favourite glamour magazine you find out that l’Oreal has made a new foundation with anti-lines serum inside… and that news just makes your day

2. Your favourite day spa is now sending you invitation for promotional Anti-Age treatment.

1. Commitment does finally make sense.

(I do not own this image rights even if it may or may not represent Lady's life choice in about 40 years ;))) )

I wish I knew how to Un-Watchthem

2009-03-12T15:50:00.014+01:00

I know…. You are probably thinking that lately I’ve been talking so much about my real GF (nickname pending) that my fake girlfriend aka BFF aka The Lady must feel a little left out…

But fear not we are still rocking our incestuous friendship from hell.

For Example.. a week ago we went to the movies together. Our choice? The big hyped new superduper mega blockbuster DC Comic movie “Watchmen”.

As I recently commented on Dorothy’s post “It was so bad that I waited the credits to see if Ilene Chaiken had anything to do with it…”

Seriously.. the best part of the evening (company excluded) were the trailers for Star Trek, Terminator 4, Angel&Demons and WOLVERINE (which looks like the ultimate kickass movie or the year)

Anyway… just because I’m devoted to stop the circle of pain here's my 2 dime opinion on why you shouldn’t spend 15 bucks (or 8 euros depending where you are from) and 2h43’ of your life on this movie.

(SPOILER ALERT: If otherwise you rather spent those 15$ and you do have 3 hours to spare than skip this post altogether because I’m necessary gonna address the plot )

NO SERIOUSLY Go Away...

Still here? don't say I didn't warn you...

First the good stuff.
Visually Watchmen isn’t that bad… Sin City and 300 ( or the flop The Spirit) were better designed and more visually enticing probably because they reflect perfectly the atmosphere of the respective graphic novels, but Zach Snyder (director) did a nice job again.

What bugs me (other than the characters, but I’ll be back on them later) is the narration structure.
Too many flashback, to many stills and disconnected fragment of past episodes that frankly didn’t add much to the characters or the plotline.
The only thing added was time.

The movie is too freaking long for it is own good.
2 hour and 43 minutes.
On my clock those 43 minutes were completely unnecessary.

NOW THE BAD PARTS...

The Gay Bashing Part I

SILHOUETTE

A lesbian who looks like a dominatrix and probably behave like one. I said “probably” because we see her just 4 times in a 5 minutes span.

- in a pics with the other first generation watchmen
- kissing a nurse at the end of WWII like the notorious sailor on Times Square
- with said nurse in another group picture

- And last, with the same nurse on a dishevelled bed, shoot to death in a pool of blood with Lesbian Whores written in blood and bold letters all over the room’s wall.

(apparently graphic novels are not happy place for lez… see also Carla Gugino’s character in Sin City…)

(n.d.b: I bet that the “lesbian whores” reference will skyrock our googling research statistics,…)

And in case some distracted viewers were missing the point, they also put a narrating voice on the background saying something on the line of “… or like Silhouette who was killed for her indecent lifestyle”
Nice touch…
Bye Bye Silhouette… nice meeting you; it was short and completely forgettable…

Gay Bashing Part II

OZYMANDIAS

Why gay? Well that Wham jacket should be self explanatory…

plus his obsession with Alexander the Great is another clear indication that good Ozy had a closet full of accessories ans unresolved issues with his sexuality.

Why bashing? well he doesn't die of a murderous hate crime, but he's the villain, the mischievous self absorbed egomaniac with nazi-tendencies that plot a nuclear holocaust just to achieve his dream of world peace and unity… I know, that’s the plot, don’t blame me…

NIGHT OWL II

The "revenge of the loser"
He must be the most pathetic attempt to super hero ever written... without the costume he's almost bald, chubby and impotent...I mean, how not feel safe with him...

Of course he ends up banging the hottest (and only) latex-clad girl around...

Btw he bangs her in the Owl-mobile (the ugliest piece of hero-machinery ever made)

of course I couldn't refrain to joke about the possibility that she wasn't actually fucking but just "driving shift"...

I know I'm 15...

SILK SPECTRE II

What's wrong with her?.. I mean: she's brunette, she wears a latex leotard, and she keeps her knee-high boots on when she has sex ... what's not to like?? maybe the fact that she has 0 personality factor. You see the picture? Well that's her only expression, get used to it.

THE COMEDIAN & RORSCHACH

Two Sociopath to put it mildly... one a baby killing rapist the other a masked maniac who looks like the yet to rehab version of Danny Bonaduce... If those are the heroes :S

And last and also least, my personal unfavourite --- ---

beyhold...

THE GIANT SMURF (aka Dr.Manhattan)

The only one with actual super-powers.

A gigantic nuclear battery that can bore you to death with his blabbing...he makes you wanna scream at him:" please stop talking and pulverize me already!!"

He can mold the matter and the time at his will but HE CAN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR !!!

I mean if the movie wasn't bad enough you have also to play pick a boo with his weener... not cool at all.

Watchmen is the second movie night in a row me and Lady bombed with poor picking (Underworld 3 the other one)... we need to change the trend ASAP.

30th April (Wolverine release date) isn't coming fast enough...

When it rains, it pours…

2009-03-10T17:39:00.008+01:00

Since yesterday I have new responsibilities at work.

Why? Because one of my colleague, the one in charge of the HR is on a maternity leave (I’ll get back to that later on), the boss has decided that I had to be the right one to get her dept.
My opinion is that I was the easiest and, most of all, the cheapest solution available.
She was working part-time for 30 hours a week.
Basically I’ll have to do her job in no more than 10-12 hours/weekly, possibly without cramping my other job’s responsibility and without exceeding with extra working hours.

(Of course I’ll also have a raise accordingly to the work load).

Pros:

extra money (I’m not greedy but in this time of crisis be economically independent has its perks…specially considering that my parents still pay for everything and that my salary goes right away into my savings account, or as I call it the “Me.Buy.Porsche Account”)
more experience in a work field I don’t know very well
earning new work skills to add in my resume.
considering my other activities, my connections and my current status in this place, with this new dept that I’m in charge off I’m going to be considered the right hand of god… at least on the work hours.
the chance to show that the soon to be-mommy was a slob on work. (I know… what, no feminine solidarity? Well I’m all for sisterhood and ya-ya but I draw the line with morons, no matter the gender, I’m an equal opportunity pain in the ass…)

Cons:

I’ll now have to take crap from every employee about holidays, authorized leave, salaries, retirement founds, disciplinary complaints and everything concerning HR… did I mention that I’m not a people person at all??
As much as I would like not to I’ll have to work more hours, hence less me time.. and I love my me time. First thing I’ll have to cut off is the tennis team. As much as I love playing tournaments it will be almost impossible for me from now on. I’ll keep the training schedule, I’ll be a sparring partner for the other gals but I’ll ask the coach to count me as a bencher from now on.
I’ll have less chance to get away from work early or even take days off since the presumably increasing work load (plus the other family issues I’m dealing with lately), which is dreadful considering the already scarce occasion me and GF have to spend the weekends together.
And that’s the biggest cons of all.

This new work development has made me think about how easily and how fast I can be diverted from my life plans.

Just considering how many times I’ve changed idea in just 1 year.

In late May I came back from 17 days holiday in San Francisco with the resolution to move there at the end of the year no matter what.

The resolution slowly faded away during summer when real life (and Lady reasoning) hit me hard making me realize that before doing anything drastic like moving in another continent I’d have to complete my grade school if I didn’t want to end up like an hobo.

Then in early fall I started considering the options about quitting my job at the end of the year and focus solely on my studies.

Then I received another 2 job offers that didn’t get through for different reasons but that made me realize that I enjoy work way more than any academic achievement.

So when it came the occasion to renew my contract and get a little promotion I took it convincing myself that I could have been able to juggle both work and studies. Wrong assumption.

In the meantime I also managed to meet GF and fall in love and now I spend way to much time thinking that the U-haul joke isn’t that much funny anyway….

(I know, I must find her a suitable nickname, somehow I think she wouldn’t like me calling her Pookie in here :P :P – that’s a RENT reference for the straight of you… )

Now I slightly feel like I’m stuck in a job that I don’t particularly like but that somehow I’ve been doing for almost the last 2 years… which is not a good sign.

When did I start acting like an adult???

Btw… I wish I had known sooner that there was an opening at my dream job (no, and it’s not masseuse for the USA Volleyball team…)

And to end with a last random consideration…
(no, I’m not gonna talk about the dreaded L Word finale… I’m taking the high road… actually I might suggest anyone who hasn’t seen the episode yet to do the same… or at least watching it while high…)

I’ve already told that I’m not used to relationships.
There are unwritten rules about it that I’ve always voluntarely ignored and that now I’m desperately trying not to forget.
Like anniversary and important dates for example.

One of my doubts is “When does a relationship officially start?”

Considering that my nickname used to be “Yogurt”, for my tendency to have girlfriends with a no more than 2 weeks expiring date, I never had to care about triviality like monthly-versary (not sure it is a real world :S)
and such.

But in your wise opinion when does a relationship start and which dates should be remembered or even celebrated?

First meeting? (and in this time and age does chat-meeting or forums count too?)

First date?
First kiss?
First “time” together?
(Should we call it “Hat trick” if the 3 events happens the same day?... what? don't look at me that way... like YOU are all saints and nuns anyway... :P )

First time you've said “I love you”...

Or as Lady suggested “first time you accordingly changed your status on [insert social network of choice]”

Technology.. always looking to make your life easier… or not??!!

So, care to share your thoughts about it?

Relationships are a load of fun..

2009-03-05T17:53:00.009+01:00

Since Karma has put my love aka Girlfriend (GF) a little too far for my taste, the only way we have to keep in constant touch is chatting and texting our fingers off.
We are so desperate for communication that I’m seriously considering revaluate my distaste for webcams.

What??… No Webcams?? I know I’m a bad geek...
I had one, briefly few years ago, you know the very slow very grainy kinda of cams…I was so shocked that everyone I was meeting online were asking me to show my boobs or other body parts that I almost immediately decided to get rid off the webcam.
Believe I’m no prude but apparently in certain “forums” webcam translate with “exhibitionist that would do everything for attention”. Which I’m not… no matter what Lady says...

Anyway where was I… oh right, me and GF chatting the night off… well last night she wrote me this :

“damn.. With you I’m becoming terribly boring and
repetitive…”

She was referring to the fact that we generally (always) end up telling how much we miss each other and how much we would like to be closer and together all the time. You know those kind of love sick puppies declaration that would have me gag just few months ago…
Now? I’m the one who instigate them…

if sweet words were able to alter your glycaemia level I would already caused myself atype B diabetes .

What can I say… I love her and I miss her… if Lady and the Posse can deal with it so can my gtalk account...

Well D’uh you may say – that’s what happen when you have a girlfriend.
The fact is that neither of us is used to that nor the profuse declaration of love or the continuous and strenuous need for one another.

I cannot speak for her, but in my experience… ... .. wait, oh who am I kidding..
I’ve no experience whatsoever on that!

My longest so called relationship lasted 8 months and I was serious (and monogamous) for no more than 2 weeks... and we were basically living together.

Prior to GF I’ve said I love you 3 times.

First in a text msg to my then boyfriend when I was 15, so clearly it doesn’t count…

then to 8-months girlfriend only because we had a fight about my commitment issues and I wanted to end the discussion and have the make up sex (really the only good reason to stay in the same room with a girlfriend during a fight)

and third to another girlfriend because she has already told me 3 times to which my answer had been a demised thank you so the fourth time I said instead “me too” because she had those sad puppies eyes and I knew she wanted to hear it... plus I was tired and I was planning to break up with her anyway, so I saw no harm in a little white lie…

Now that I read that last paragraph I think I understand why Karma isn’t exactly kind with me :P

So how a commitment-phobe with trust issues and the track record of a dog in heat has ended up in a long distance monogamous relationship and is very happy about it it's beyond my comprehension.

I guess is true that you really have no control over love matters. ;)

And speaking about lack of control... there are few thoughts about recent events that I’d like to share...

The all Rhianna/Brown thing is beyond sad; the fact that a somehow successful, young and famous artist like Rhianna would accept to be even in the same room with a joke of a man like brown (let alone marry the bastard) is unbelievable…

Really.. isn't there anyone out there that could Netflix her a copy of Ike&Tina movie or a E! True Hollywood Story about Whitney Houston???

Abusive men DO NOT CHANGE.
Someone should knock some sense in her… no pun intended.

So, the L turd... I mean The L word is almost over and considering the pathetic display of poor writing we have witnessed in this last season I can only say: IT WAS DAMN TIME !!!
Mama C could do the last run in a good way or in a bad way, she, again, managed do to it in an horribly wrong way…

kudos MamaC for once again have proved that our worst fears are nothing compared of what is passing through your mind…

I’ve watched the last 3 eps in a row and I felt sick.. a drunken monkey could have come up with better storylines!!!.

Actually lets test the theory… lets put a drunk primate and the woman "whom ego dimension is compared only to her lack of respect for the viewer’s dignity and intelligence" in the same room with a notebook and see who can come up with the better treatment… my money in on the monkey.

Does Hallmark makes postcard with written inside “Consistency: when things do actually make sense… look up in the dictionary for it: IT IS A REAL WORD”

Oh and one last thing while I’m on a ranting roll.. I remember when many lesbians retractors of the show where saying that TLW was a product made only to titillate the straight male voyeuristic audience, with lots of gratuitous lesbian sex…

well…

I’m no straight audience clearly but the titillating stuff would have been equally appreciated by me… if anyone had doubts about the fact that the show is made by bonifide lesbians the astonishing LACK OF ANY KIND OF SEX should be a clear indication of it.

(with that I’m not saying that lesbians do not have sex…maybe only mama C doesn’t get laid enough… that would ACTUALLY EXPLAIN A LOT… gee I've personally made my lifetime achievement to prove the theory that lesbians have lots of sex, but seriously… lets face it, when it come to gratuitous display of sexual intercourse you turn to Cinemax not The l word…

see the drunk monkey would have know what to do…

Act 1: Jennifer Beals + "any other actress doesn’t matter who" have hot sex ” End of Act 1

… Act 2: Sarah Shahi improv in lingerie End of Act 2

… see, I told you, this episode is already better than any other… )

and just to reprise the good vibes we had the beginning of this post...

If you ever had the chance to come to Italy, maybe in a northern small town like the one I live in, and if maybe in that occasion walking down the street while visiting old churches and monuments you'd see a young, nice looking, short-haired blond driving around in a silver car singing (slightly off key) old love motown ballads at the top of her lungs... don't be afraid, just say "Hi, Gentleman..." ;)

Last 10.000 Needles Attack

2009-03-03T01:12:00.003+01:00

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

YOU, this is what I have to say.

Gentleman, as long as you're my best friend, just don't ask.

The Lady

Huh?

2009-02-28T12:29:00.000+01:00

Chat qui se touche - Videos insolites

The Lady

Pearl of wisdom

2009-02-26T15:38:00.004+01:00

Honey, deal with it, you are like a puppy. You are the cutest little thing one can think of as long as someone pet you and give to you all the attentions. No doubt you are a great fun: bubbly and full of energy. But the second said someone leave you unattended you are gonna mess around and turn into a bitch.

Said to me by a dear friend... and with friends like these, who needs enemies... :P

Speechless...

2009-02-26T13:06:00.000+01:00

Queerk - Ennesima Versione con Varianti al Tema

2009-02-26T10:52:00.005+01:00

Sorry English speakers but this is funny only if I write it in Italian, the Gentleman will translate if you ask her.

Passa il tempo e incontrando varie persone per vari motivi, la lista dei Gaius si allunga e si modifica. Questi sono alcuni nuovi modelli, qualcuno nuovo, altri semplici varianti dei modelli standard...

La Puttana (gaius tarifam oraris)

Simpatica specie del gaius riconoscibile solitamente dal caratteristico simbolo nei profili ($). Lo si riconosce anche per diciture quali "per facoltosi", "per generosi", "astenersi poveracci" o "credi veramente che uno figo come me possa fare sesso con te a gratis?" quanto "paga, scopa e taci, puttana!".

Come suggerisce quanto detto precedentemente, questo modello prova piacere nel dare piacere piazzando sul mercato quanto di più ha... usato. Ovviamente dotato di sentimenti umani nobilissimi come l'amore per il denaro, fa indiscriminatamente mercimonio del proprio corpo per raggiungere lo scopo... che a detta sua è dare piacere all'altro, a detta dell'altro è fare soldi, a detta mia è fare ancora più soldi.

Quanto alla tariffa il calcolo per una prestazione è reso tenendo in conto moltissimi fattori tra cui spiccano indubbiamente le spese accessorie per palestra, spostamenti o donna delle pulizie per il post coito, e ovviamente la tariffa base che varia da un tanto al kg, a un tanto all'ora, a un tanto al metro... o a volte tutto insieme.

E come le Nigeriane sui viali abbordano chi si ferma, la Puttana abborda chi le visita il profilo: ammaliati da foto suadenti di pettorali bombati, culi sodi ed armi sessuali di grosso calibro, i malcapitati vedono il marchio ($), rinunciano all'arpionaggio ma lasciano la visita e la Puttana... zakkete che ti scrive una serie infinita di informazioni non richieste su come contattarlo, i suoi prossimi spostamenti, perchè viaggia per raccogliere più soldi, sulle caratteristiche fisiche e sessuali.

L'unico modo simpatico per ucciderlo è rispondere "Grazie, ma davvero non credo di aver bisogno di te", per poi rispondere con un secco "Ma ho davvero la faccia di uno che per scopare deve andare per puttane?" nei casi di gaius più insistenti, così insistenti talvolta da inviare immagini e filmati non richiesti, a mo' di campione di prova gratuito...

L'Apprensivo (gaius cagacazzis)

Oooohh mi ha dato la buonanotte, com'è dolce... Oooohh mi ha dato il buongiorno, com'è tenero... Oooohh mi ha chiamato nel cuore della notte per sapere se ero comperto bene e mi devo alzare alle 5 per andare a lavorare, com'è cagacazzo...

Ebbene si, ecco un limpido esempio del reverso del detto "Aver invidia del pene": questo tipo di gaius prende immediatamente confidenza con la sua vittima, trasformandolo nel giro di un trillionesimo di secondo da oggetto sessuale ad oggetto da accudire, come un figlio, appunto. E nella peggiore delle ipotesi, come un figlio appena nato.

Poca importanza ha la sua età che può variare dai 15-16 agli 82, dato che l'istinto materno (morboso) lo ha già sviluppato a livello spermatico... nel senso che rompeva i maroni come una madre quando era ancora uno spermatozoo, probabilmente lamentandosi in continuazione con i propri colleghi sulla scarsità di igiene nel coglione in cui è stato generato.

"Sa" quello che è meglio per te, quando lo è, perchè lo è, se lo è, se non lo è, e con una certa precisione posso affermare possieda conoscenze tali da poter creare microspie dall'aspetto del tutto innocuo che infila periodicamente in ogni tuo dove.

Il problema è che ci si accorge di lui troppo tardi e solitamente quando quando aprendo e chiudendo una conversazione salua con un sinistrissimo "Ciao Tesssssorooooo...." pensando probabilmente con una certa dose di ingordigia lussuriosa all'anello che vuole metterci al dito... munito di catena a richiamo.

Praticamente una seconda madre: fa, anzi, ci fa le pulizie, ci piega i vestiti, ci prepara da mangiare.

E non una cosa del tipo "Lavori tutto il giorno... dai, visto che sono qui intanto che ti fai la doccia do una risistemata" oppure "Ok, se nessuno ti ha mai insegnato a spolverare ti faccio vedere io una volta poi te lo fai tu" quanto "Io in sto porcile non farò mai sesso, guarda piuttosto ci pulisco io, oggi", no no, proprio godono nel prendersi cura del malcapitato che ha due valenti possibilià: una è quella di approfittarne spudoratamente fin che la cosa continua mandandogli addirittura a casa la roba da stirare e la lista della spesa per il giorno dopo, l'altra è eliminarlo tra atroci dolori facendogli trovare in casa....... ........ ..... l'ordine più assoluto e il frigo pieno.

Perchè c'è un modo infallibile per eliminarlo dalla circolazione... metterlo a confronto con il suo nemico biologico, qualcosa che riesca a sovrastarlo in meno di 4 secondi di modo che sentendosi inutile scappi alla sola vista. Di cosa? Di nostra madre...

Il Televisivo (gaius confessionalis defilippis venturam)

E guarda Amici, c'è poco da fare... ma quello è solo un esempio. Perchè guardasse solo quello non sarebbe poi un gran problema, è che guarda proprio tutto.

Sa a memoria la scaletta di Rai e Mediaset e non si perde mezzo secondo di qualsiasi reality possibile e immaginabile che la tv spazzatura ha da offrire in questi nostri gioiosi giorni catodici. Sa i nomi dei partecipanti, le loro storie, il numero di scarpe, quanti di loro hanno un principio ci calvizie e quante di loro si avvicinano alla menopausa, e pure di quanto.

Il problema derivante dall'aver a che fare con quesa bieca specie di divoratori di qualsiasi reality in circolazione, perchè davvero, li guardano tutti giorno dopo giorno e se non possono registrano, è che la priorità la danno alla tv.

"Ciao, ah no, stasera proprio non spossiamo uscire, c'è Amici";
"Cazzo mi andava proprio una pizza, ma c'è un casino nella Casa...";
"Hahahahahahaha!!! Ela Weber a faccia in giù nella merda di vacca... che figata! Ah scusa dicevi? Che Mi ami? Ah che carino...";
"Ciao scusa ma non posso parlare, Tina sta sbroccando a Uomini e Donne..."

Desolante vero? E si comportano così davvero... Bene, essendo io uno dei pochissimi miracolati che ancora non hanno avuto a che fare con un esemplare così puro di Televisivo, suppongo che per eliminarlo basti tacere: lo si lascia tranquillo tranquillo nel suo mondo mentre ce ne usciamo dalla porta in punta di piedi spalle al muro e con una buona percentuale di certezza sento di poter affermare che non se ne accorgerà neanche... salvo chiedersi se c'era veramente qualcuno con lui nei momenti di pausa degli spazi pubblicitari...

Se questo non funziona invece proporrei qualcosa di più drastico, come se dovessimo eliminare la Ventura o la DeFilippi: corona d'aglio, proiettile d'argento, pugnale di mithrill atk + 52, acqua santa, un paletto nel cuore, luce del sole, trucco fatto male, ascolti bassi, Malgioglio, il Mago Othelma e decapitazione più taglio del filo della corrente della tv. Qual'è il più efficace? Nessuno. Vanno fatti tutti assieme.

Bene, avrei altri modelli ma il tempo è tiranno, per ora quindi è tutto.

The Lady

Random Thoughts

2009-02-24T14:29:00.003+01:00

Seems like the need to keep my mind occupied (see My Confession post) brings me also to keep writing usless and unasked things on my life for how it is nowadays. What I'm going to list now is a mere ensemble of thoughts on everything is going in my mind, so please, if you're not a therapist or a Capricorn (even though some of the still don't get my ideas clearly), just read, enjoy, have a laugh if you find it funny, but don't even try to understand or find a logic cohesion because it doesn't exist:-)

I finally got my meal (brought everyday by my father from our bar, since here in the icecream shop I just have... well, icecream), I have the fork in my hand but you can bet your balls I'll have to give in my purpose in eating because after the first bite of salad someone from nowhere will pop inside asking fo a cone;
And of course you're under stricht diet so your father will ignore your gentle request for no dressing...
Why chestnut paste (for making icecream) must be so sticky?
Why sometimes I'm not that way sticky?
If the last 2 questions were asked to myself in Sarah Jessica Parker's style... does it make me mentally insane or just way too gay?
If the second option to the previous question is right, why guys don't try out with me in discos or clubs by saying I don't look gay in any way?
And considering the huge amount of japanese food I eat, I must be that gay some way...
I still can't believe how people can hurt themselves by staying with the same guy for over 5 years longing for something to change and breaking their friend's balls in fragments complaining everyday...
The most important Italian music contest just ended... second place to a homophobic loser with his homophobic song (gayness is a result of sad childhood), first place to a gay, how about that?
The Italian version of the Big Brother is slightly, but not that slightly actually, becoming a legal porn show;
The Italian Government has suddenly decided that informatic instrucion is the way for the future... if you can afford it at home by yourself because they're cutting the money out;
Damn, that sushi yesterday evening was amazing;
Damn, Underworld 3 after sushi was... well I was falling asleep...
How would it be to be a vampire? Live by night, fear the light of the sun, pale skin, sucking blood... hey, I do all that stuff already... and I have the feeling I'll be folgorated if trying to get into a church...
Do I smoke too much?

To be continued...

The Lady

And the winner is...

2009-02-24T10:35:00.002+01:00

Who's the most informed on movies, tv series and gossip around here between me and the Gentleman? It's her, of course.

Who's the sci-fi expert around here between me and the Gentleman? It's her, she'd like to say.

But she's not the one who spent almost 2 years watching ORIGINAL dvd's of Star Trek TNG and VOY dealing with terms such as warp drive, transwarp coils, plasma conduits, Jeffery's tubes, holodecks, phasers, photon torpedoes.... and surely she's not aware of the Stargate's world nor what a Leviathan is (talking about Farscape).

And all this because months ago, while the world was still speculating on who would the hell have been the fifth cylon (Battlestar Galactica)... I named it in less than 5 minutes following my pure geek logic.

The last five cylons should activate at the same time but only four of them do it. Why? Because the fifth and last is out of range and misses the call;
Cylon 3 (Lucy Lawless) saw the fifth in a vision and told it "I'm sorry", so she did meet it and she caused it pain, directly or not;

These are the only clues I had because I stopped watching the show when Scorpion took the Raptor and disappeared.

Now: the fifth is someone who actually met 3, who soffered of the cylon attack and who was not in range during the last activation sequence that revealed Saul Tigh, Galen Tyrol, Sam Anders(Kara's husband but Apollo's boytoy in my wildest dreams) and Tory Foster (Roslin's assistant).

Here are the options:

The fifth is someone new in the series and was kept secret by some cylon's "Major Willing": impossible because 3 met it;
The fifth couldn't hear the call because not in the area at the moment: impossible again because at this point of the story all characters are in range including Kara that is not a viable option;
The fifth has already died once and has been cloned automatically before the hive was destroyed, menaging to survive until the time was right to show up... ding ding ding, jackpot!

So, match the last points with this last one and who do you obtain? If you don't know the answer is here, I won't tell directly:-) but you can see HER here.

This is to say that there's a reason if in this blog I AM THE RULER OF SCI-FI AND ENDING FORECAST, despite the Gentleman... that for this had to pay a sushi dinner. I should begin betting money some day...

The Lady

My Confession

2009-02-23T00:28:00.003+01:00

Yes, sometimes the Lady switches from slut to human being... this is one of those times...

Those times when you meet a guy on the net, you almost instantly get alogn with him... but he's far away until a couple of months so you think "Hey, he's cute, he's nice, let's give it a try once he's arrived".

And you take that chance... knowing that after all you said to each other before he arrived that guy will be someone you'll want to spend a lot of time with.

And as always you're right, the first kiss arrives after 2 hours you've met him. He's the sweetest guy you've ever met and this you didn't foresaw... one you've kissed along the road to the train station despite you don't like kissing someone in public... not for fear of people, you just don't like it.

He says he feels the same about you, kind of. So you 2 start going out together, doing all the things a couple does... but you're not a couple yet, he never misses a single chance to say it to you.

Eventually you come up with a fight, then you make peace, then fight again... like this for 3 months... that you loved in every single way...

Then one day there's no way to make peace, and the story ends. It happens. It's unfair, but it does.

Too many problems in understanding each other... and that sweetest guy is not yours anymore.

You need to do something to keep your mind occupied... you must, in order to have a single moment of peace of mind, instead of feeling adrift for something so important you have lost.

You try to meet another guy, during last post, anything for that instant of peace, a single moment in which you can forget how much you love him and how unfair life's been with you giving you someone you can't keep by your side simply because you fight too much for incomprehensions. Not to be happy again, just to survive.

Then one evening, this evening, he tells you that now that you've been trying with another one, it's really over. The final stab.

He never believed you loved him, he never understood why you had to meet someone else. I don't blame him for this, I too did my mistakes, but he hurt me, he caused me real pain.

"Now that you started dating again, I won't feel guilty finally doing the same"

All the love you had, that you still have, doesn't mean anything anymore, you're crashed, empty, and all around you is suddenly cold...

The Lady

Another set of Rules

2009-02-22T12:58:00.003+01:00

After way too much time I went dancing yesterday night in a club near the centre of Bologna (something like the nearest good place to find a gay disco nowadays) with my 2 friends Bitchy and Slutty... not that I like too much these things but hey... I'm gay and to be a good one I'm supposed to go to a disco every now and then... am I wrong?

Anyway the 2 harlots spent some hours in a nearby sauna while I was with some ex university friends just to see each other sometimes since I've been living in Bologna for 3 years and they missed me a bit(ch).

Now, let's skip all the stuff about meeting again with old friends become quite like a second family and let's jump directly to today's issue: going to a gay disco and get out alive to report about it.

I must admit this place (Red Club) had and I believe will have forever my thanks for one main thing: no matter the hour, for Cher's sake you always find parking! I don't know if you readers usually drive even to get to the nearest smallest shop... but here we do and parking is a quest...

The inside was nice: red (of course) painted walls, some greek statues that in my opinion could have been avoided just for common sense of styling but hey... the club's not mine, a ridicolous amount of free condoms on every spot and an instant erection seeing the people inside... how about that?

Anyway: after having been ther for something like 5 hours dancing along with at least other 200 people sweating here's my list of...

The 10 Unwritten Rules Of Gay Clubs (Italian Version)

No matter the effort, there's at least 1 hour to spend in finding a place for your car (except fot the Red);
Upstanding citizens of the Country by day, your friends will turn into evil selfish sluts after the first step inside the club;
Due to n°2, you'll eventually find yourself suddenly dancing alone because all of them will be downstairs in the darkroom giving or getting a blowjob;
You'll find yourself in a Want Triangle: you want A, that want's B, that wants you;
The Want Triangle unfortunately WON'T EVER EVOLVE in a threesome;
Your hottest friend will find a hotter one, that hotter one won't even notice him and you will feel in peace with the universe thinking that there's a bit of justice in the world sometimes;
Since the dumping the hottest friend will be down until the end of the night thinking how unbelievable was what just happend: avoid him in order to have a nice time;
The guy from another city you've been chatting with for days and that looks good in picture will turn to be someone you wouldn't meet forever when you spot him in the crowd;
Due to n°9 you'll spend a big amount of time avoiding him;
It will take about 45 minutes to go from point A to point B because NOT ONLY IT IS PACKED, BUT EVEN WHEN YOU CAN FINALLY TAKE 2 STEPS FOREWARD AN IDIOT WILL SUDDENLY STOP, BLOCKING YOU WHERE YOU ARE AND WITH NO HOPE OF ADVANCING MORE FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 10 MINUTES, TIME IT TAKES FOR THE GUY HE'S TRYING WITH TO SAY CLEARLY THAT HE'S AN IDIOT, AS I SAID BEFORE.

N°10 is important people: just because if you're dying for a bathroom you couldn't care less if a monster is trying to get a blowjob from someone... and if said monster is standing in your way to heaven (you drank a lot) here's mi advice... tell him not to waste time, Brad Pitt doesn't have sex with Woody Allen.

The Lady

1 out of 4

2009-02-17T13:39:00.002+01:00

He has from 6 to 9 months… if the chemo works.

He’s 40.

He’s my mother little brother.

Lung cancer, spreading fast and widely, it’s already in his pericardium and oesophagus.

Six to nine…

IF.

He’s never been married, he still lives with my grandma, she’s 83… he was a mistake, she thought she was already in menopause. She wasn’t. She always told him that. My mom is the apple of her eyes, he is the remainder of her failures as a wife and as a mother.

He’s born with a cognitive deficit… someone would have called him slow or even retarded.

Six to nine…

IF.

The only thing his father taught him was how to fish and how roll a cigarette. He left home when he was still a child. my grandpa died of lymphoma’s cancer at 67. I did not remember his funeral.

He grew with a resentful mother, without a father and with a sister, 9 years older, who got married at 19 to leave the house, but who never left him.

He became prone to rage for awhile, then depressed, than psychotic… he’s been under cure for almost 10 years now and he’s better. He has a work tending public gardens and he helps his mother who’s suffering from a light form of dementia.

6 to 9.

He’s been chain smoking since he was 13…that was what he remembered his father doing and that was what he wanted to do too.

He was my godfather when I got christened.

He’s 40. He’s dying and he doesn’t know. “Too risky” the doctor said considering his mental state.

He dreams about finding the right girl and getting married “But no kids” he always says… “maybe a dog, dogs are less troubled”

6 to 9. If the chemo works.

And I don’t know what to hope for.

Posted by The Lady for The Gentleman

Love, irrefutable love

2009-02-13T00:50:00.004+01:00

There's a reason for everything I post... this is for a very important person that I... well... love. Not much for the song's lyrics though... it' because we both like it... abd surely we both have spent way too much time playing the game this is taken from...Any questions you may ask I'll answer them in the comments, if any.

The Lady

Ten Little facts...

2009-02-10T23:37:00.003+01:00

.. previously unknown to me, about having a long distance relationship (that I’ve recently come to understand…)

10.It sucks
9. It sucks
8. It sucks
7. It sucks
6. It sucks
5. It sucks
4. It sucks
3. It sucks
2. It sucks
1.IT SUCKS

… and the more you are in love the more the “long distance” part sucks…

And yes, I’m whining…

deal with it.

I like the song (Closer to You by the Wallflower)and I particularly like the lyrics... but don't blame me for the video.

Italian News : The "Almost Queer" Edition-

2009-02-05T00:30:00.016+01:00

Usually, looking for a queer news in Italy is like looking for some sense in Lost… you can try but in the end you are poised to fail and the only thing you'll get in return is a solid headache.

Recently however, the terms “gay” and “lesbian” have surfaced the news of this nice almost third world country that is Italy.

Times are changing you said? Not exactly…

Here's tonight top stories...

· Big Brother 9 welcomes 2 lesbian contestants… or so we thought.

It would have been the first time that 2 openly lesbian contestant ever entered a reality show in Italy (we had 3 openly gay contestant, 1 bi and many more not so open too…), so logically one would aspect a big media woo-woo. Nope, niet… the woo-woo lasted for about 2 millisecond.

The news broke out and was rebuffed back in the media closet in less than a minute.

Why? Because the real big news of this years “house” are the DDD sized boobs of another contestant… (and yes Syd, fear not, I’m posting a picture of those… )

One of the 2, presumably lesbians, is been voted off in last elimination, and not shockingly her first statement is been a clear deny of any allegations about her presumed homosexuality (to be fair she was “outed” by a youtube video - not the most reliable of sources- made by a self proclaimed ex-girlfriend, but apparently it was just a indie-documentary video of some sort with no relation with reality…).

Considering the level of idiocy of the program (in a recent challenge when asked what the Titicaca was, all the 14 contestant answered: “It is dance”… :S ) I’m almost relieved to not be represented in there.

and this is for Syd as promised

· Ballet god Roberto Bolle outed on a French magazine. Or not?

When one think of classical ballet it’s not news that “fierce masculinity” isn’t exactly the first thought that comes into mind…

For those of you who are not interested in classical ballet( and frankly I cannot blame you) Roberto Bolle
is a worldwide recognized “superstar” arguably one of the greatest dancer of his era on the same page as the celebrated Nureyev or Baryshnikov.
So when many online news headlines stated “Roberto Bolle: I’m gay” you can imagine the resounding big “D’uh” that is been heard all around the universe, gay or not.

Apparently during an interview with a French magazine Mr.Bolle had somehow leaked few tidbits of his private life that led the Italian Gay Association (ARCIGAY) to loudly proclaim his homosexuality to the world.

See how desperate we are for visibility?
We want so badly positive examples of successful Italian homos that we would out everybody we can…
I’m the first to admit that it would be nice if the all “outing or not outing” was not such a big issue but to force someone out of the closet (even a glass one like the one mr.bolle lives in) is cheap.
Btw right after the news headlined on the major news outlets Mr. Roberto Bolle released a statement in which he declared that his words have been improperly translated, that he talked about homosexuality in general and he was not referring to his private life.
He must have the same press agent Jodi Foster used to have…

And last but not least

· A song about a “converted homosexual” will participate at the Italian National Music Festival… and yes we are in 2009

Every year, since the last Ice Age I presume, we Italians are vexed by something that is both a tradition and a curse… the Sanremo Festival; think about the Eurovestival but only for Italians.

Is televised on the national tv and it last 4, and I repeat 4, freaking primetime evenings….

Generally the participants are D-listed singers, desperate newcomers and even more desperate old glories in search of the last limelight.

Frankly the situation cannot be described properly in all its pathetic nature.

You have to see it to believe it (and gauge your eyes and ears out…).

Every year this barnum-esque like event is always introduced in the prior weeks, by some kind of controversial dispute, doesn’t matter the nature of it, the important thing is to have the biggest number of people and media talk about the festival. For better or for worse.

This year stone of scandal has been provided by Italian songwriter Povia with the wisely titled song “Luca era gay” (Translation: Luke WAS gay), an happy song about a homo that now is "normal" again thanks to a girl that he meets and falls in love with

I let you regroup a second while I try not to scream angrly at my screen…

When the titled has been leaked to the press, weeks ago, of course every (all 2 of them) Italian LGBT associations have promoted a boycott campaign for the festival and on Povia's songs (no need to do that honestly since his last 2 albums I believe hasn’t been bought, or listened, not even by his close relatives..)

The singer defended himself saying that he wanted just to tell a story; too bad that from what some press sources says, in said song homosexuality is linked to common (and offensive) stereotypes like too much motherly love, absent father figure, been molested by a paedophile, parents separation…

At certain point it looked like the song was dedicated to a certain Luca Tolve a self proclaimed cured homosexual “thanks” to the theories and preachments of father Joseph Nicolosi.

A dude that thinks that gays can be “cured” with pray and faith (and somehow I don’t think he was referring to the Take That and George Micheal songs…)

Povia himself has declared:

“Homosexuality isn’t a illness but a deviance and that can be changed. I myself I had a gay-phase it lasted only 7 months. I’ve also converted two friends of mine they were gay now they are happily married”

I would like to stretch the term “happily”…

Too bad the complete and official song lyrics have not been disclosed yet (all songs competing are sworn to secrecy until their first exhibition) but as soon as I have those I swear I’m gonna dissect the test because frankly I’m too pissed off to be offended so I rather be humorous.

And It’s not the title that pisses me off. I accept people that from straight become gay and viceversa… maybe Luke wasn’t gay but bisexual..who knows, but mostly who cares…

I’m pissed off that some moron is allowed to sing on a national television that I’m “not normal” and that I’m gay because either I’ve been molested or my parents didn’t love me enough… THAT pisses me off…

Somehow I suspect that if someone would have proposed a song like “Luke was black” or “Luke was muslim” or “Luke was jew” the protests would have been much louder…

And just in case Povia is reading this and maybe he wants to change the title… here few suggestions:

- Luke was gay (now he calls himself Lola)
- Luke was gay (now he takes it up in the butt only when the wifey isn’t home)
- Luke was gay (Povia had “proved” him for 7 months..)
- Luke isn’t gay (but his boyfriend is…)

And with this we concluded our little segment about Italian news and queer culture… now you know why both me and the Lady are in desperate need to move somewhere else right?

The sparkling jewel in the crown of homosexuality

2009-02-03T13:11:00.004+01:00

As I said before when I tell someone I'm gay the main reaction is "I'd never guessed even in a million years"...

Recently some of my friends, well, a couple of them actually, came paying visit to my shop. After looking around the environement and a complete scan of what I sell in this period (any kind of chocolate, tea bisquits of any female name like Virginia, Rossana and so on, everything tha'ts pink and sweet) they came up with the unhappy sentence that "With this pink shop and all this stuff you sell it's a miracle you didn't become gay"...

Please note that inside I was laughing as much as while watching Karen on W&G...

But the best one ever was last week when another friend stopped by. We began chatting a bit on latest music on the radio and clubs to go dancing on weekends and here is the best thing one said to me ever:

"Damn, I always knew you were gay but really, you're a sparkling jewel in the crown of homosexuality"

Silence for a minute than outstanding applause for my friend, I sooo would have had a toaster to give him. I'm a sparkling jewel, isn't it amazing? Ok, not as much amazing as being quoted on Afterellen like my collegue here... but still a personal satisfaction...

Change of issue:

They say the more internet or tv you watch, the more influenced you get. Do you think it's possible? The reason I'm asking is because of that damned Facebook.com, where I started this idiot game, Pet Society. I got in because a friend asked me to in order to make her gain extra money or points and now that I'm playing with it I'm having some problems...

To better understand: in this game you create a pet (some kind of strange little cute monster you may wanna melt in acid while it screams of pain), you make him pay visit to others, gain money, play, feed, wash and build a house with an infinite variety of forniture of any kind.

And here comes my problem: I can't stop changing forniture positions in my real house. It's almost a week I'm thinking on some green to put on my bookshelf, changing the desk that's not so good with the wardrobe, putting some oriental stuff that I like here and there to make my room more... don't know what but I like it, spreading candles everywhere the way one comes in and finds himself in a graveyard...

I even asked the Gentleman to give me 2 lamps (purple-shocking pink lava and pink salt crystal) that I still need to find a place for. Do you think I've gone completely mad or I just got the TAD (Tim Allen's Disease)?

Not to mention that DIY is well known to be part (even in very small percentage) of the life of every gay in this world from building a shelf to painting walls... or nails...

In the meantime I'm still trying to escape from my job (one may say it just takes to find another one, but it's not easy to leave this for the moment) and to have a stable relatioship with Baby (new year's eve issue some posts ago) so I'm really sorry if I'm not here for my fans (you should be millions by now... ... ... ...) posting as much as I would, but I'm really busy. I promise anyway to try to post some more.

The Lady

Don't I know you from somewhere?

2009-02-01T17:49:00.010+01:00

While waiting for GF to get online to chat on Sunday afternoon, I had time to catch up a little with my internet readings (since most of the sites and blog I usually follow are now strictly prohibited for me at work... damn filter).

As always my first stop has been Afterellen.com even if lately for me is more a headlines read than anything, except for Liz Feldman's vlog and Scribegrrl TLW's recap... btw: wouldn't be great to have that wise cracking writer answering the nickname of Scribegrrl recap a day of your life? she can make sound funny even the crappiest TLW episode - and she had plenty of it to exercise on - imagine the wonders that she can produce with a plain day of an old good fashioned lezzie...

Anyway, my attention was grabbed by an article narrating (with pics too) my beloved Lucy Lawless singing @Roxy
a concert she performed last night at the famous LA club...(LA's lesbians.. you have my envy...)

Don't know how the concert went (for that I'll wait the Youtube clips and hopefully a dvd release) but I have 3 words: Schoolgirl Uniform + Blindfold.

Another 3 word? Oh My Goddess... thud,thud thud

Now... I do already have an honest, bill-paying job in a somewhat decent and relativily amusing workplace... but just in case... Where do I apply to get that kneeling brunette's job?

just askin'

PS: Can I be juvenile enough to blatantly photoshop Renee O'Connor's head and body over that girl and then use it as screensaver? YES I CAN...

Healthy Habits

2009-01-30T23:06:00.002+01:00

Disclaimer: I’m not a certified physician or an health expert… I’m just a dork with a wicked sense of humour, an amazing girlfriend and a flair for double entendre so do not take my advice literally.. sure they sounds fun but let’s be honest, you can’t really trust the internet, right?

First of all I deeply apologize for the lack of blogging efforts from my part.

I know… same old excuses you got tired of it already, so just be kind and have mercy of a fast line deprived-web access filtered from work-time lacking blogger like me…
who is also too lazy to take 5 minutes to learn wtf is this twitter thing everybody is talking and abusing nowadays…

Anyhow…
I’m about to share with you a great secret… shhh.

Get close...a little closer.. because I’m talking about something that may easily change the future of human kind…

I might have discovered the ultimate diet.

I’m not talking about one of those silly, silly regimen where you eat only green food or only liquid food or only the amount of food that can fit your hand (sadly I’m afraid those are not jokes.. there are crazy people like that).

OF course this new diet is just been created and has yet to be approved.. I’ve personally altready tested few times and the results are astonishing even with some minor side effects completely forgettable**.

First and foremost… this diet is not suitable for those who have to lose lots and lots of weight. If you are obese do the right healthy thing: get a gastric bypass and lie about it like Star Jones did…

(just kidding, obesity is a serious health issue that SHOULD NOT be taken lightly. And it's not a matter of physical appearance. everyone should aim to be healthy, not thin).

So this diet is ideal for those of you who plan to lose from 2 to 5 pound max and don’t have much time to do it.

The trick is simple and easy to accomplish. We all enjoy eating. The rule is only to substitude something you enjoy with a certain something you surely ENJOY A LITTLE MORE...

Step 1: Book an hotel room or a cabin or an RV, far from your home and your well stashed refrigerator,

Step 2: take with you your girlfriend, wife, partner, or roommate (if you are Californian or Catholic…)

Step 3: then proceed methodically to have mind blowing/ high energy burning sex for 48 straight hours minimum. (it works better if said girlfriend is a long distance one, enhancing the achingly need of one another, hence the results…)

Important Notice: Remember to keep yourself well hydrated through the whole process; my personal advice is to strategically place bottled water in every corner of the room for an easier reach.. because god knows how hard is to disentangle yourself from the cuddly embrace of your lover after some well practised “exercise” . *wink* *wink*

Some recent studies has shown that the consumptions of a tablespoon or two of sugar or some chocolate candies may help the process giving the necessary energy boost without compromising the weight loss. (or so my GF said...)

So now you might wonder: “Sounds Awesome Gentleman? But how exactly does it work??”

Well, fear not my dear believer… because is scientifically proved that when two horny bodies are occupied in pleasurable activities other internal organs are basically shut down… it is like your body knew that your blood and energy are needed somewhere else and that you don’t need to spend 1 or 2 hours looking for food, eat and digest when you still have to go through page 25 to 50 on the Lesbian Sex Guide…

Of course you may retort that is not possible to stay in bed for that many hours...And you are absolutely right that’s why you should choose your location wisely.. .sturdy furniture and a good sized bathroom are highly suggested. (shower stall are even better ‘cause there you would actually stand up for awhile *wink**nod*).

Maybe is the combination of physical activity that keeps your cardio workout at an high level hence burning calories, or maybe is the fact that you are so enthralled by the sexual haze and trapped in your own love bubble that you forget breakfast, lunch and dinner time altogether.

The results are there though .

Do I believe that is perfectly sane to compensate starvation with earth shaking love making? Fuck yes! (pun slightly intended).

As I said earlier this discovery is still to be deeply tested in all the possible exceptions and cases before it’d be handled to the masses… luckily you can count on at least TWO eager and selfless cavies that will do the dirty work for you.

Neverthless feel free to try it anyway and share the results ;)

(btw: THIS is a workout regimen that I hope Gene Simmons WILL NEVER EVER MAKE A VIDEO OF!! yeuch :/)

Correction: As you may have noticed my brain is still recovering from my last "diet"; I've confused Gene Simmons from KISS with Richard Simmons the hyperenergic-spandex enthusiast-celebrity trainer... My bad.. thanks Acrob4t for the heads up ;)

** diet’s minor flaws registered include: dizziness, wobbly legs while standing vertically, mucle pain, briefs loss of space and time perception, slow neurological response (the lone neuron syndrome), perpetual state of arousal, dehydration, utter and sudden state of happiness (well, this last one depends on with who are you “practising” with ;))

On completely unrelated news:

Those amazing ladies at Afterellen.com have picked one of my tips for their last Best.Lesbian.Week.Ever.
Is this the ultimate lesbian blogger’s fantasy or what??

Music Revivial...

2009-01-19T02:08:00.006+01:00

Total Control - The Motels

I love this song, I think is one of the Best 10 ever song to sing drunk in a karaoke contest... not that I think anyone should ever enter one of those sober mind you!

Next on LG&U: "Italian Big Brother 9 : with 2 lesbian contestants this year shouldn't they have called it Big Sister? "

Look who's back in town...

2009-01-16T02:29:00.004+01:00

So my fav shows are coming back in a few days...

Battlestar Galactica on Friday 16th... most notably the best sci-fi show ever made... a statement prompted also by the exceptional amount of hotness of the cast...

"Cylons were created by humans.. there are 12 models... some of them ACTUALLY looks like models!"

The L word on Sunday 18th... ok maybe (and I stretch the maybe) NOT the best show around but I can't honestly pass up all the eye candies.

two words: LuCy (F)Lawless...

And one funniest piece of vlogging I've witnessed in recent history...with the best guests line ever...

This Is Just Out with Liz Feldman on Monday 19th on Afterellen.com

(via Grace the Spot)

Now I just hope to have enough time to watch all of these goodies..

- Note Of Service -

2009-01-11T15:20:00.002+01:00

- Today, Jan 11th 2009, the Lady comes up with the logical conclusion that for how he's feeling these days he can't be less than hella in love with Baby -

The Lady

How that girl (…) gives me creeps

2009-01-10T11:01:00.002+01:00

The Gentleman talking about love, I mean, using that word pointing at herself… if you ever wanted to ask me what’s my worst nightmare, here it is. In 7 years I’ve been knowing that heartless yak (we’re talking about someone who in Bambi cheers for the Hunter) I’ve never heard a single sentence on love stuff. And now here we are, in a week she jumped from steel to plushes… can’t believe it. I need a new Scrooge now.

Funny thing indeed… the fact both me and the Gentleman got gf/bf at the same time I mean…

Well, in my case it’s a bit different because while I consider myself in a relationship, Baby isn’t sure about it. But in my opinion it’s just a matter of time before he surrenders:-)

My last day of 2008 has been different too: while the Gentleman was entertaining one person in Rome with her magical show “Home made fireworks: do me yourself edition” I was getting mad in Parma with terrible thoughts of what was Baby doing in a distant city, without me, closed in a cottage with other 20 gays…

Giving for granted that I know who the dirty 20 wanted to do, Baby said nothing happened with any of them so… well… let’s believe him:-) and in any case the situation got really better after last post. (mostly because there were not just 20 gays, but 20 people straight and gay together, that makes me think Baby wanted actually to joke or to accomplish a little vendetta on me for something I did:-))

That night I went to Parma’s Square with a friend of mine, waited for midnight, watched the fireworks, spotted the ones from Rome (anything I can shoot the Gentleman shoots higher), than back at my friend’s home an watched a movie until time to go back home. Lame, yes. But I’ve been working all day so that was the only thing I could do for the eve.

Now, time to go back to work, looks like people want ice-cream even in this season…

A little request: is there any of you that actually built once in his/her life some fairy wings? Baby wants to cosplay and asked me to help him with th wings…

The Lady

Back at the blog....

2009-01-09T15:14:00.004+01:00

Hello there!

Yep we have not dropped out from the blogosphere and even if we haven’t managed a single post in more than a week I can assure you we are not dead.
Consider it like a sudden and unannounced hiatus…

Why you’d ask? Love, life, work and a 2 day snowstorm that hit us hard and heavy…
So where were we?
Right.. the new year and the inevitably celebration of it.

Well, mine went amazingly well. (And strangely enough that was also the only new year's resolution that I had made :P. Perfect Score!)

Nothing like saluting the new year holding tight your girlfriend, sipping wine and watching the fireworks from then balcony.. the only thing better is getting back inside the room and make some fireworks on your own… if you know what I mean.

I know...you read it right… I just used the G word… scary uh?

But in an unpredictable sort of event the new year has brought me and the Lady out (no pun intended) of our single life of decadence and debauchery for a more complete coupled life of decadence and debauchery…Or as our profiles in various sites professed… Toto, we’re not in Singleville anymore…
the both of us. At the same time…

At any time I aspect the four horsemen of Apocalypse to knock at my door, I swear…’cause you know, this time it looks like we actually CARE for real… and it’s freaking us out :)

I always wonder why they say fall in love.
Why something supposedly good is associated with the act of falling which isn’t exactly neither fun or graceful usually…
Maybe is because you don’t plan to fall in love as you don’t plan to trip on a pothole…or maybe is because when you realize you are in love it feels like for an instant you miss the ground under you feet.
Like walking on a balancing rope.
But as long as you don’t hit the ground it is indeed a wonderful sensation.

Happy New Year...

2008-12-30T22:24:00.004+01:00

Dear Readers,

I'm off celebrating for the next few days the end of this 2008 and the begininnig of a new year.
And Yes, I do mean "celebrating" in the most biblical sense...

What? I'm allowed to entertain and be enteratained with my special one, am I?
I mean, do you know a better way to spend the last day of the year than having your special lady within your arms? My point exactly...

Speaking of a different Lady, I've been just chatting with him for about an hour (and mind you I was in the vedy middle of my usual baggage preparation madness... I mean.. 4 days, not many chances to step out of the hotel room... how hard can it be packing for THAT KIND of trip, right????)

...and what is so important that he needed to talk to me right when I am out of my freaking mind? Global Warming? The Econominc Crisis? Israel Bombing Gaza? The Fall Line?
Nope....
He wanted to talk about his BF issues...

That's not a news, since he met this (his word) half Italian half Brazilian semi-god, there aren't that many other subject of conversation..(I'm not the one who can judge, especially lately :P
BTW I haven't met him yet, not because Lady didn't ask, just because I have very crappy organizational skills when it comes to my agenda...)

Anyway... Lady is having trouble in paradise with his Baby. In my honest opinion is just a matter of failed communication:

- Baby wants more attention and Lady's quality time...understandable.

- Lady has a very demanding job and not much time on his hands... equally understandable.

Apparenly Lady is also been tagged as immature by Baby, which he's not...otherwise he wouldn't be the moral spine of our Pink Brigade, I mean we ALL gravitate around him for advice, support and truth telling... taking away great part of his time I think now...

Now they're celebrating new year's eve apart, due to previous programs or something, I didn't fully understand the Lady (he gets uncomprehensible when sad), which could be useful to clear things up a little even if we all know that partying apart when sorta mad at each other is not such a great idea.

I really hope for the best because from what I grasped from my BFF, he sure likes this Baby very much and he'd like to have a serious story with him despite the difficulties (and believe me, Baby, I know him and I know what I'm saying).

And while I'm here, I would like to say thank you to our readers before drifting slowly to sleep... (frankly I need all the rest I can catch considering my plans for the next days...)

Now, speaking also for the sad Lady, thanks to you all for the comments and the support you showed us through all this year, from the old friends that were with us when we were still an Italian blog and to those new friends from overseas or overborder that were kind enough to stop for a second and read all our BS...and typos. And grammar errors...

If you had troubles, we hope that this new year will bring you the serenity you are looking for, and if instead you had a good year, than we hope for you to be able to say the same thing about this new one that is about to come.

Cheers,

The Gentleman

Catholics Girls Gone Bad....

2008-12-25T23:25:00.002+01:00

Bitch Slap Behind the Scene: Lucy Lawless & Reneè O'Connor

I FRAKKING Worship those two...

L Word Season 6 - Spoiler

2008-12-24T16:39:00.001+01:00

Merry Xmas

The Gentleman (even if I posted this for her… the Lady)

Technorati Tag: L Word Season 6,Jenny,Lucy Lawless

Dear Santa... Part II

2008-12-21T17:12:00.006+01:00

Dear Gay Santa,

I know you have just received my BFF (as in best fag forevah…) request letter, and I know we haven’t been in touch since the infamous Xmas accident of the ’91.. but I swear I told everyone in the class that you were just a fat communist bastard only because I didn’t receive the mini-car I had asked for and instead my mom bought me a ballet class… so you can imagine why I throw a fit back then….
Anyway…
bygones.

I also know that I should be grateful for what I have and therefore not cluster your email account with some asinine and shallow requests, but since we’re talking about wishful thinking here…

To be clear this is not a list… I know you are busy and you know I’m awfully picky with the presents.. so consider this just as suggestions, advices or just ramblings from a pre-festive mind if you prefer..

1. Thanks to the new and improved web security system in my office I’m blocked out of everything… no seriously no blogger.com, no wordpress…no message board comments, no personal storage, nothing, zip… If I’d knew what kind of lager this place was gonna become I’d have never accepted the promotion… damn corporate.
So an hacker guide for dummies or some tricks to get around that stupid filter would be helpful

2. Since The Lady so kindly provided me with a brand new (and very stiff too) riding crop, can you please send me a pair of matching leather cuffs? ‘cause my old ones are kinda… well… loose.. you know with all the mileage and such (btw… not to miscredit the universal knowledge that I’m naughty, but Lady forgot that I already have plenty of such devices from my horse riding days… on REAL horses you pervs!)

3. I know I should not complain, that I'm more than ok with what I already have, but just for testing your "real powers" let me just tell you that I can make room for one of those babes... really, I'm not picky either of those would be ok...

4. Since there isn’t a day without some crap blabbing from that old fart that is the pope ( I respect the faith but not the man, sorry,)
which the least but not last, I’m afraid, was about the “ungodly and unnatural sex change procedures which are against god’s will” could you please give Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet ,Cupid, Donder , Blitzen and Rudolph too, some laxative and have them flight over the Vatican? You know just for comedy sake..

btw doesn't he look like Emperor Palpatine from StarWars? the resemblance is uncanny...

5. this is what an old friend of mine sent me couple of days ago...a link about this calendar girls for whishing merry Xmas... I believe she's was referring to my recent decision to have a second and a third tattoo done...

btw... even if I'm proud of my lower back tattoo I cannot pass the amazing joke on The Wedding Crasher...

"Lower back tattoo? Might as well put a bullseye on it"

priceless...

6. Since I'm generous please sent Lady something like this... possibly while he's having dinner with all his family... don't worry I'll call the paramedics right away I promise it will be fun :)

Ok I guess that's it for this year...

Give a Kiss to Mrs Claus from me ;)

A present to myself

2008-12-21T14:27:00.005+01:00

Since it’s hard for me to receive the present I want for Xmas (even though last night I’ve given away a big package to my new bf…) here’s something I really like, love and own in dvd as the Gentleman does for Xena.

Please note that I LOVE KATE MULGREW in every single way one could love an actress, from her phaser to her campaign against Alzheimer, and even if I’m just 25 (therefore not exactly one of the original Trek generation), I think I’ll be watching my Voyager dvd’s for the next 40 years.

Now, if you think about what kind of serious role is to be a starfleet captain, you may imagine how good she is doing her job. The genius of an actor shows up when he/she makes you laugh:-)

But since this is still a queer blog here’s something more… let’s say… appropriate. And the Gentleman agrees with me in saying THAT the other woman (namely Jeri Ryan aka Seven of Nine...) is somithing unbelieveable…oh, and ladies… watch out for minute 2:10, this is my gift for your Xmas:-)

Now, what do you think about it?

The Lady

Dear Santa

2008-12-20T17:54:00.002+01:00

Hi, long time no see! Almost a Year! Remember me? It’s the Lady, the idiot one with the sexual charm of a chair… got it? Ok, right!

Seems to me Mr. Karma did the big of the job this year by giving me someone to call boyfriend from tonight on… IF I do things right. So here’s my special special list of requests and whishes, please Santa, see what you can do:

Please target the Gentleman with some of your “Intelligence” presents, but something not smaller than a block of Italian marble or a funny natural sized Xena’s action figure, you can’t possibly miss her, she’s so unnaturally blonde a horse could mistake her hair for dinner…
Please ask the Vatican what a Bull (male) and a Donkey (male again) were doing in a cave before Mary arrived… and which of them was the top and which the bottom;
Please bring some anal diseases to all those who voted yes on prop.8, and double dose to all of those who always declared themselves pro gay and then turn their back, so that they will all know that a dick in the ass is far far away more pleasureable than surgery tools;
Please take Facebook offline, permanently. I't’s the evil incarnated and some of its functions appear to me to be even illegal on privacy issues;
Give me the strenght not to kill everyone that enters my ICE CREAM SHOP asking for a coffee, a drink and a meal;
Since this year I’m buying my presents in a porn shop please make my targets happy about receiving red glittered heart shaped nipple tassels, two tea cups with a 9 flavour set of condoms instead of the tea bags and a riding crop (for the Gentleman);
Don’t bother bringing a Baby in a cradle, bring instead MY baby in my bed, possibly naked and eager to…;
Make people understand that a 15$ present, according to the current economic crisis, is more than enough if the present is bought with feeling, but a 15$ present bought by 2 people together is just Scroogy;
Please don’t make mom discover I’m gay: I’d like to give her an heartache myself;
Let me be Gentleman’s roommate when she buys her new house, I don’t simply love Will & Grace, I wanna play it!

And if point n°10 isn’t available go heavy with n°1….

Best wishes, your little, lovely, slutty Lady.

The lady

Just an ordinary day

2008-12-17T14:42:00.003+01:00

Some may ask what how do the Gentleman and I spend the day or what do we chat about since we're in touch by IM almost all day long.

Well, everyday I get up, take a shower, look at myself in the mirror, get scared, grab the first clothes I see and go to my shop opening at 9 am. After that I turn on my pc and wait for her to show up.

Meantime she gets up, takes a shower, looks at herself in the mirror, screams of pure dark fear, 1 hour choosing what to wear, goes to work, turns on her pc and starts chatting with me.

The conversation is most likely what you would hear between an old married couple. We both are having a quick breakfast, both reading newspapers (internet) and chatting on the latest news on politics, internal and foreign affairs, haircuts, sentimental and sexual news, various and thematic topics, as for Christmas in this period.

Today it was different, the conversation started like this:

Gentleman: "Shit shit shit, I've started writing poetry again, shit shit shit";
Lady: "Oh my Cher, no...";
Gentleman: "Oh my Cher, yes";
Little time of silence
Lady: "Crap";
Gentleman: "What happened?";
Lady: "Poetry?";
Gentleman: "Oh, yes, crap";
Lady: "Not a chance you take your pen and pull it up in your ass right?";
Lady: "You write down something and you always produce chaos when someone reads it";
Lady: "And then I have to repair your disasters";
Gentleman: "Written last night with the pc, but just the both of us know";
Lady: "Pc huh? I'll take back the pull up in your ass part... maybe";
Lady: "And no one should know this right?";
Gentleman: "I think I'd better have a night out this saturday, I'm freaking out";
Lady: " ? " (meaning: weren't we talking about poetry?);
Gentleman: " I can't possibly spend even this weekend closed at home, I need to get out, I NEED IT";
Lady: "Wanna come dancing with us?" (me and my group of fags)
Gentleman: " XXXXXXXXXX?" (won't say the name of the place)
Lady: "Think so... or XXXXXXXX this friday";
Lady: "We could call the Vagina too, you'd make a perfect coming out and a brilliant heartache for her, it's present period in the end isn't it?";
Gentleman: "There's XXXXXXX this time also";
Lady: "Ok, double outing, souns like fun...";
Lady: "Hello, my name is XXXXXXX and I'm gay";
Lady: "Hello, my name is XXXXX and I'm lesbian";
Gentleman: "No coreography? You disappoint me... bad fag...";
Lady: "I have it, and we can sing it by modifiyng I'll never tell from Buffy..."
Lady: "She licks, he swallows, his ass is sleepy hollow... something like that..."

And the conversation goes on with the Gentleman laughing... now, what do you thing of us?

The Lady

Out of the Closet.. just a big mess!

2008-12-12T21:57:00.008+01:00

nope I'm not talking about coming out...

I've been sick since yesterday… I think I got some kind of seasonal flu. Anyway I’ve already confessed what kind of big cry baby I became when I get sick. I’m the proverbial pain in the butt, believe me…
Is not only that I don't like illness in every form I just plain hate the fact to be debilitated hence inactive for, what I perceive, as an incredibly amount of time (in my case anything exceeding the 24 hours mark).

Thankfully I had someone tending me… even if only virtually, my personal nurse caring attention where much MUCH appreciated ;)

Ok what I was trying to tell? Oh yeah… that I can’t be inactive for long without going completely nuts… so obviously the second I felt a little better.. (namely when this afternoon the fever got a little lower) I decided to use some of the free time I had to do an activity I usually reserve for times of incredibly depression… wardrobe cleansing… As I stated in my MSN message… “Busy ‘cause I’m cleaning up my closet, and I don’t mean it metaphorically…”

Only rule applied: If you don’t remember last time you wear it, you throw it…

Anyhow… here few things I’ve realized about myself while storming through my wardrobe

According to my closet (and the always reliable Grace the Spot ) I’m a certified lesbian.. at least considering the absurd amount of hoodies I own. Somewhere along the way I must have developed some kind of hoodie syndrome. No way an human being needs to possess that many hoodies… no way… yet they’re so comfortable and cool. What?? I’m not throwing any of those.
Always according to my closet, at least at a certain point of my adult life I was a dyke slut… no other ways to reasonably explain why I own not only very indiscrete leather pants but also a black leather corset which was clearly not made for a lady…
Another very inexplicable clothes addiction of mine: high neck wool and cashmere sweaters… I have 10 of them.. all very very similar. I’ve found out that I have 3 black one basically the same model! And one chocolate, one eggshell, one dark green, one dark grey, one light grey, one cerulean, one lilac and one dark orange. I think I need help. Does it exist a support group for obsessive dresser?
I’m pretty giddy to report that after scrumptious search… there’s no sign of flannel. I’m a dyke, but I know my limits…
I own more than 20 blazers… and I think I have it in all shades of grey humanly known…
I have an entire section of my wardrobe devoted to denim jeans.. I found out that of one particular model I have 5 pair… but only 3 colour.. guess that when I find something I like I do stick with it.
I’m not even open up the “oxford shirts chapter” that’s just painful…
Light brown corduroy pants.. why I ask? Why???
I still don’t understand why I keep buying skirt when I know that there’s a snowball chance in hell that I’m gonna wear it when sober… maybe I'm not buying is just one of my mother psycological guerrilla tactics...
That would also explain the sleevless bright sparkly purple sweather I've found... was I on crack when I bought that?? I hope it was a present and not a voluntary action from me...
Yep… and without considering the shoes and the purses I’m not only lesbian but a butch too… ok maybe not a REAL butch... a sporty femme? or maybe a futch in progress? who cares... labels are good only on designer's clothes anyway :D

Somehow I managed to sort all that crap out without getting crazy… but I realized something else while watching the increasingly growing THROW AWAY pile… Do not start some selective and delicate work as a closet cleansing when feverish… I think I might have thrown away half of my good stuff too...

it’s like painting your house while on LSD…

it sounds fun but you risk to end up parading naked for your neighbours…

just saying…

Sometimes I should just shut the eff up…

2008-12-10T12:46:00.003+01:00

Seriously I don’t know what is wrong with me that I have the uncanny ability to say the most inappropriate things in the most inappropriate moments… you know the typical "open mouth, insert foot" kind of moments
maybe is the crappy weather outside or maybe I’m just so bored at work that I unconsciously have the need to generate some embarrassment for myself.

Today has happened twice already…like earlier this morning when I was taking my coffee with one of my co-workers when she noticed my necklace pendant and while reaching for it for a better look she accidentally grazed my boob and I say right back to her “sorry...”
“geez you should at least buy me a drink first…”

insert nervous laugh…

And then a little later…

Exhibit B.

Scene: the TSA Security back office
Premises: I work for a local airport managing company. And we all know that the craziest anecdote about “weirdest thing witnessed” always came from ER and Airport Security…

Anyway I was downstairs to talk with the TSA Chief about some HR contracts and he was late as always, when one of the TSA guys called me in one of the back room where they usually laid off during brakes (think about the smell of a frat house after a wild party… gross) and keep all the stuff they confiscate during security controls, you know.. toenail clippers, lighters, scissors…

He said they need a female opinion…

There were 5 of them laughing and snickering and probably saying obscenities as always.. of course they stopped right after I put a step in the room ( hate when it happens, for crying out loud I’m an adult is not like some profanities are gonna hurt my sensible woman hear, you fuckers…)
They were all around a desk, like in a huddle, so I didn’t see right away what was so damn fun.
Apparently all this childish mischief was caused by some poor bastard sex toys which clearly he/she forgot to put in the checked baggage and not in the hand one… amateur mistake.

They probably thought I would have been embarrassed… another amateur mistake (and borderline to sexual harassment too, if we had such policy…)

Guy1: “So have you ever seen something so small?... I guess they used you as a model right?”
Guy2: “Well your mother didn’t mind”
Guy3: “handcuffs, dildo… guess someone was planning to have fun, what do you think?”
Me: “first, that’s not a dildo but anal plug and those are generally used for the calves not on the wrists… ”

Crickets
Blank Stare
Crickets
Blank Stare

Me: ”Glad to have cleared things up, hope you didn’t miss a gun or two while looking for sex toys…”

Wonder what kind of rumour mill I’ve started this time :P

I'm the newest BSG fan now!

2008-12-06T13:45:00.001+01:00

Hoping for more

The Lady

Real Life

2008-12-05T15:10:00.009+01:00

This is a real conversation happened this morning in my office:

Noisy Colleague: Hey xxx! Me and Anne were wondering what kind of decoration buy for the office.

Me: (puzzled look) So?

NC: What do you think? (while showing equally hideous sparkly silver red and silver blue balls (no pun please ) and other Xmas crap)

Me: Are you asking my aesthetic opinion or my validation on the expense?

NC: Actually both..

Me: Let put it this way, I’ll double your budget and pay for it myself if you promise to never ever come back to my office asking me such thing.

NC: Are we a little cranky this morning?

Me: No,it’s just that, if you haven’t notice, all this crap piled up my desk isn’t here just for show you know… I’m late with the budget summary.

NC: You know what, Sara was always cranky and tired when she found out she was pregnant… you should check with you gyno…

Me: (not even move the look from my pc screen) believe me, If that’s ever gonna happen I'm not gonna need a gyno but a priest. Because either I'd be the new Virgin Mary or I’d be carrying the Antichrist..

NC: (leaving my office) either way you should consider switching to decaf…

yep... that's my daily life... Thank god it's Friday

How a song changed my life...

2008-12-04T11:25:00.005+01:00

But not in the way: "now that I know it I'm more self-confident or something"... It's just because, from that particular moment on, I have a valuable weapon to use against the Gentleman when she overindulges in insulting me:-)

Meaning that, as she commented, it's true that I got Sade's song dedicated and even if I'm really happy for it, my problem to respond sweet to sweetness still remains intact... but she got THIS SONG, karaoke version, sang just for her in front of a real audience in a real karaoke bar!

And believe me, this situation was terribly funny for me as just plain terrible for the Gently here, because she couldn't help but sending me a sms at 4:39 am (local time, she was abroad) with the following text:

"I'm in a karaoke bar here and someone just has dedicated Woman in Love to me... The bathroom's window is not a viable option so find me another way to escape, suicide can be a quite good suggestion"

And from that magical night, everytime I put the video below, I feel a little happier. Am I a bitch?

The Lady in Love

And after Mamma Mia...

2008-12-04T11:04:00.002+01:00

Yet another Gay Musical... (lol... gay musical... doesn'it sound a little reduntant??)

for the series: "If you can't beat them, make fun of them" ;)

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

The Lady and the Gentleman

(hat tip to Huffigton Post and Bridget McManus Kregloe )

Maybe There's ONE Christmas Tradition that I don't mind after all...

2008-12-04T09:24:00.004+01:00

Ok.. is true than no more than 2 days ago I rant about how much I hate Xmas ... but then I remembered that there's is indeed a Xmas traditional event that I don't really mind, on the contrary... I kinda look forward too:

IS THE VICTORIA'S SECRET XMAS FASHION SHOW!!!

Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a bunch of hot, Hot, HOT, supermodels parading almost naked on a runway... that's the true meaning of Xmas... bras and panties (and lots of feathers apparently..) did I say already that they are super hot? (in a "I'm not really human, we've been created just for show..." kinda way)

This event, which is clearly just a decoy to put soft core porno on primetime network television without having the MPAA on your ass..., is the perfect combination of brainless entertainment, eye candy and sparlky outfits to be both a gay and straight funapalooza.

Want a Prove? : My very gay friend and co-blogger Lady just recently confessed me that since he saw the Guitar Hero's Video he's been obsessed both with the song and with Heidi Klum... don't know if it's a) a resilient sign of his latent heterosexuality or b) that he's thinking about starting a career in the drag industry and wants some inspiration... only time will tell.

I don't know how the ratings were but I'm convinced that the show would work better only if they decide to run it as the halftime show during the Superball...

Anyway.. thanks to CBS here's some clip... of course this should be considered NSFW I guess ;)

WARNING: mind you the outfits shown are not intended for REAL WOMEN...so don't rush in the nearest VS store to buy "presents" for your wifey ;) lol (and quality speaking... LaPerla Underwear is way, way better... just sayin')

Ten Unwritten Rules About The Gentleman's Christmas

2008-12-02T01:04:00.006+01:00

I know, I know… Tina yet again...

I swear I’m not gonna say a thing about her amazing-ness this time (that’s Dorothy’s job ), I just like the picture (high heels, white unbuttoned shirt and librarian glasses?? Good lords have Anne Leibovitz take a look in my fantasies or what?... ok, sorry I’m digressing ) and I thought it was a nice and completely unrelated way to introduce today’s rambling:

Believe me when I say that I would have tons and tons of things to write about, but either a) have almost no time to do it or b) are somehow a little too personal to share (mind you, I have absolutely no problems in sharing.. gods that sounded awfully whorish… I mean that I would very much enjoy to share my thoughts with you, only that most of those are concerning a certain someone who may or may not feel that much inclined in reading private stuff on the internet… I should probably ask her first…)

And I’m not even entering the subject of my fellow co-blogger soon to be ex-gay best friend who’s ditching his blogging duties lamenting a rare form of writer’s block… or as I call it “I’m to busy cruising gay guys on the internet and working out to better cruise gay guys on person, to actually take 10 minutes of my time and post a frakking youtube video…”

Anyhow…

As you may have noticed by the increasingly amount of lights, sparkly decorations and cheesy bell-filled songs, we’re rapidly approaching what I easily identify as “The WORST TIME of the year ” at least for me, who apparently I’m part Italian and part Grinch…
True story: I’m getting nauseous just writing about it…

I have absolutely nothing against who’s cheerful and giddy about the idea of Christmas… the decorations, the presents, the carolling, the ever present family dinner… is just that I hate every single part of it with all my guts, to put it mildly…
I have absolutely no idea why I’m so not Christmas-y… from all I know I might as well have submerged in my subconscious that I have been molested by Santa-like when I was a toddler or have been attacked by a reindeer… because frankly I don’t remember having ever enjoyed Christmas in my whole life…

If it wasn’t for the constant guilt-trip I might as well convert to Judaism…

And I know that every happy family is the same while the dysfunctional one are unique in their own ways… but is undeniable that Christmas multiply tenfold all the craziness.

Now, here are the 10 rulez why I can't stand December 25th...

10) Every attempt to bring a pointy tree inside the house will be irremediably boycotted by me, only to inflame Mother’s mean streak resulting in having a flashy giant sequoia-like tree in the middle of the living room with enough light to help land a Boeing 767.

9) When your uber catholic grandmother would point out that there’s no sign of the Nativity in your house you would have to tell her for the hundredth time that they moved to stay in a less ethnic neighbourhood.

8) The “presents hunt” will be poised from the beginning of the season. You will not find what you look for, or find it but then realize tha is to moronic as a present, or refuse to even start to look for presents, only to find yourself storming through crowded stores like a mad woman on Christmas’s Eve.

7) Do to point n. 8 even if you have managed to foresee a limited budget for your presents, you will end up double it or worse, trying to compensate with monetary value your lack of emotional involvement in the process.

6) Against your own will you would have to buy at least 1 Christmas Songs collection Cd… who will be played endlessly from the 20th to the 27th at the point that the only mention of “snow” “Jesus” or “santa” will immediately create some sort of violent Tourette’s Syndrome reaction from you.

5) Since the Italian traditional celebration comprehend 1 Christmas Eve Dinner on the 24th + 1 Christmas Lunch on the 25th with, in the most fortunate cases, an attendance of at least 10 to 12 people… your mother will morph in a crossover between Martha Stewart, Satan, a Nazi commander and Julia Child randomly alternating nurturing reassuring moments with vile hatred tirades.. mostly towards you and the fact that a)you are not exactly smiling at the prospective of spending hours at a dinner table with people you don’t like, b) you're not wearing that awful red wool dress she bought you and c) you refused to help with the decorations

4) You will be forced to share your precious time in the company of family members you a) don’t really give a crap about b) are too old, deaf or senile dement to even try to hold a normal conversation or c) just plain boring.

3) Due to point 5 and 4 you decide early that booze will be your best friend subsequently opting for an alcohol induced haze that will last until the 27th (recent notably moments… last Christmas outburst towards auntie C after yet another “so, darling… when are you gonna settle down and make some babies?” “well, I would love too, but it would postpone my acting career… they don’t like preggies in the porno industry…” after that I was exiled from the dining room... or when I traded baby jesus from the nativity scene with a smurf :P)

2) the presents "opening ceremony" will come down as the worst representation of a bunch of white guys lying to each other and force fake smiles on their faces since the 9/11 Congress Commission…

1) You will never ever get the right present from your folks

Now you see why I'm starting turning green even if we are weeks away...

Love Thyself...

2008-11-27T10:33:00.012+01:00

P!nk "Sober"

I heart Pink , this last single is quite good, even if is not one of those that gets immediately into your head... To be completely honest, 3-4 years ago I would have totally "connect" with the lyrics...

On the contrary the video DOES get straight (no pun intended) into your head... wanna proof? Skip directly to minute 2.24 and watch it from there, audio is optional... yep, you can thank me later ;)

I think she just took literally the saying "You can't love someone until you learn how to love yourself..."
This is narcissism in its full swing!

BTW... Would you DO yourself? Like, would you make a pass at you if you saw yourself in a bar?(does it sound crazy? yeah maybe a little...)

I think I most definetely would... of course it would end up to be a little messy... being both top and very fond of it... :D

PS: I would like to know who was the lucky gal who played Pink stunt "double" in this... boy what a nice day at work she must have had...

UPDATE: thanks to the Anonymous commenter here we have a
name , and more importantly a face, to the lucky body double...

Happy and GAY Thanksgiving ya'll