The Great Mall of China...

Text messages conversation with my dad who’s right now wondering up and down Beijing and the Great Wall of China with my mom for a week long holiday/work trip…

Dad: “After half a day of shopping with
your mother we are still alive. Barely. Kisses.”

Me: “After half a day of shopping I’m surprised that mom hasn’t been put yet in the
list of the biggest "Made in China" importer right behind Wal-Mart...”

Dad: “we still have two full days ahead of us…anything
can still happen”

Me: “I feel for your Platinum Visa…”

Dad: “and I feel for your inheritance… ”

Frakk...

You should know that right before departure, our family physician had the wonderful idea to suggest my shopaholic mother a mall in Beijing where all the biggest European designer’s outfit and products are sold at Chinese prices…meaning that an original* Valentino silk tie can cost you 1 euro… nevertheless to say that must have been the greatest news my mom ever received since her first sonogram...

(* it looks like it's common for Chinese factories which work and produce for the western world, to use the same materials and techniques to produce the exact same clothes - with desingner's brand-, only that those are "destined" only for the Chinese market, hence the prices are ridiculously low...)

They left with 2 suitcases, and isn’t hard to imagine that that number will be easily doubled before departure…

As always I’ve instructed my mother about potential souvenirs and gift for me.. to ease the process I wrote down to her 3 simple rules to follow, to avoid the usual domestic drama scene: she buy me something that she thinks is perfect for me, while I find it hideous.. of course I can’t hide the fact that I do find it hideous and she ends up taking it personally as if I was doing it just to piss her off…

Anyway the rules for mom are (and this time I called my dad as witness… ‘cause you’ll never know…)

Rule n.1: If you like it and you’d wear it, then do not buy it for me… we absolutely have not the same taste…in ANYTHING.. it’s been 26 years now, you should have coped with it.

Rule n.2: considering rule n.1 if it something you don’t like or would never wear then there is an high chance that I would like it
(side note to rule n.2… rule n.2 does not apply in case you utter the words “Do you have it in pink or with flowery prints?”)

Rule n.3: if rules n.1 and 2. are satisfied than remember that if it fits you I’ll need a size more…since your concept of “form fitting” includes belly button showing and boobs exposure..

Side note to rule 1, 2 and 3: Remember if the aforementioned rules are to strict to abide, then you should now that cash is always a respectable solution

Or...you know, she could always follow Shane's advice...



...but considering my mother strong will and utter refusal of reality I suppose she would end up convincing Kate that pink and cocktail dresses suits her, that she'd need to put on at least 15 lb and have a boobs job... :S

Update: I’ve received a phone call from Mother about her recent shopping frolics…
It’s not a mall but a whole market's street with indeed thousands of designer’s brand clothes…
Hereafter the approximate amount of stuff bought by my parents in a 4 hour span (I’m no fucking kidding)

For her:
2 Pucci’s dress
2 Prada’s suit
Undisclosed amount or raw silk (various colours) than later will be sawn as various dresses
4 cashmere twin set sweaters
2 Burberry trench. same model: one white, one black
2 D&G tops
2 Miu Miu sling backs

For Dad (he says a lot about mother's shopping hobits but he's even worse than her...)
Armani wool and cashmere trench
Belstaff raincoat
2 pair of Ferragamo sail man moccasin (and he did not have a boat)
2 tailor made (they tailored it in one day) suits
20 ties
4 to 6 (mother couldn’t remember) cashmere sweaters
And an undisclosed amount of Polo’s shirt (probably between 10 and 15.)

For me
2 Pucci’s top
2 v-necks cashmere sweaters
A Dolce and Gabbana biker jacket
Half a dozen of Abercrombie t-shirts
3 Hilfinger Oxford shirts white, black and blue.

Plus some other things that she was not going to confess, which frankly scare the shit out of me..

We ended the conversation with mom saying that she was going to bring back to Italy also her Chinese masseuse.. “ ’Cause you have no idea how wonderful those girls are… incredible skilled hands”… I’m surprised of how much she sounds like a cougar lesbian when she’s enjoying her revamped moment of colonialism…