Somehow I think it is ironically appropriate to buy lesbian books on a website called "Amazon"...

When Friday arrives I always need a brief moment to unwind a little at the office because frankly otherwise I’ll be prone to scream and to use physical violence towards the colleagues..

Today I decided to dedicate few minutes searching some good readings for the summer season (meaning: easy readable paperback novels with absolutely no heavy content but just happy lesbians in it, or if not happy at least hot lesbians…)

Of course being a loyal customer of amazon.com I can always count on their valid (yet sometimes creepy) suggestions, this time though I was also provided some titles by Alex the WryWriter via the Kissed by Venus book’s review page.. (thanks btw ;))

Thanks to the dollar/euro rate exchange I can afford more than a dozen of books at once, and while I’m not sharing the titles I’ve bought, generally the plots go along this way...

Woman A, gay and with a lesbianish name (meaning that it can be shortened in a 3 or less letter nick: Sam, Jay, Mel, Cat, AJ, Max, Jes etc…) with a glamorous or at least interesting job (cop, doctor, lawyer, corporate executive, secret service operative, actress, horse trainer, rock star, stripper) exceptionally good looking (as that the term drop dead gorgeous is used A LOT while describing her) meet some random Woman B either closeted gay, bi-curious or straight(not for long) with a more femme appearance and girly name (or a weird/original foreigner name ) whom is either her new colleague/partner/patient/assignment/opponent/pain in the ass (with most of the time an ex boyfriend or a boring current one –if straight-) then, after an initial period of reciprocal distaste, they proceed to get involved in some improbable conspiracy involving either a serial killer/the government/ the mob/ a drug lord/ an abusive ex or a shadowy past and while fighting against all odds, doubts and prejudice they inevitably end up falling in love.. first by yearning for each other from afar then giving in to the attraction (page 110 or so…)
then when all seems to point to the happy ending some new troubles happen but at the end they will find their way back to one another…
the end.

Of course some variations may appear (for example the time period setting… I rather read about contemporary/modern time anyway… notable exceptions: Sci-fi and Horror/Mystery novels).

It has to be said that how all of this is written makes all the difference, a good dose of humour or the right amount of angst and emotion can turn an unimaginative plot in a decent read. But this could also be said for many serial writers we have nowadays… you know, the ones that publish a new book every six months...

And you know what? As cheesy and sappy (and painfully obvious) this plots may be I still FREAKING LOVE to read these stories!

Just one suggestion that I’d like to let out in the interweb… to the book’s cover authors: please, try not to be too graphic.
I’m not ashamed of my readings , but seriously I would rather not have to read on a train or while sunbathing at my country club a book with a woman’s crotch or a tong clad butt on the cover…

(the one on the left is the Italian edition of Rita Mae Brown’s Rubyfruit Jungle… the one on the right.. just paper porn, highly suggested…)


Anyway…

Order placed, I decided to take a look at the always surprisingly funny non-fiction section in the Gay & Lesbian book world… and I must admit that some of the titles seem just made to be made fun of..

(I didn’t put the authors because I did not read any of those so I don’t want this list to look like a suggestion of some sort, but nevertheless these are all real titles found on amazon.com so feel free to look for them if you see something of your interest...)

1) Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

Hundred and one positions? And what I’m supposed to do on Monday…

2) The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks

I believe this is just a guide filled with drinking games and cocktail recipes...

3) The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment

They lost me at “male”…

4) Same Sex in the City: (So Your Prince Charming Is Really a Cinderella)

That sounds funny… even if I consider Cindarella nothing more than some sort of crazy rats-talking maid…

5) True Secrets of Lesbian Desire: Keeping Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships

Sure… keep writing books about how to avoid Lesbian Bed Death Syndrome and you know what the results are? Lesbians in Bed reading and not having sex…

6) The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex: A Complete Resource for Women and Men
Again.. don’t want to sound like I’m an heterophobe but I did not order a side of pegging with my strap-on..

7 ) The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex

…I think there’s a joke in there somewhere…

8) Box Lunch: The Layperson's Guide to Cunnilingus

What’s not to love about a well placed metaphor…

9) CBT: Cock-and Ball Torture in a Nutshell (SMTech Educational)

If they ever sell this with a CD with the soundtrack from the Nutcracker it would be a true laugh blast...

10) How to Get Laid: The Gay Man's Essential Guide to Hot Sex

…from the same author of the great literary disappointment : “How to Get Laid: The Gay Man's Essential Guide to Not So Good Sex ”

11) Office Kama Sutra: Being a Guide to Delectation & Delight in the Workplace
Written by Clinton B. and Spitzer E...

12) Eleven steps to the inner orgasm: The G spot (Quick 25 minute "how to" reader)

...And now lesbians will break up over silly arguments such as: “you don’t love me enough because we just made up to step six while I know for sure ‘cause a friend-of a friend-whom I befriended on Facebook-who was the rebound girl for your ex, told me that with her you arrived at ten…”


See... that's why I'm partial to fiction...