Lost in Translation: Good Advice and Formatting Brain...

Since it looks like I finally have half an hour to spare and that the new and improved dreadful office web filter forbids me to look at 2/3 of the blogs that I usually follow (Sublimefemme, FunnyorDie.com, Syd's blog to name a few...) I have the time to translate Lady’s last post.
Considering that it has been ages since he last posted and when he finally decided to write something he did it in Italian I must step in to bring his words to the masses.
Too bad his are not happy words these days.

Here’s the translation:

Good Advices and Brain Formatting

It’s funny… I can give advices to anybody with an almost ridiculous level of precision and righteousness, but when those exact same advices are thrown in my direction for me to follow they have no effect whatsoever.
If it wasn’t so devastating I would probably laugh at it… there is to wonder wether I am different from everyone I know or if my problems are just so peculiar that no good words seams to be able to, I’m not saying solving those, but at least soothe the pain a little bit.

I’m in love with someone.

It happens. I’ve always tried my best to avoid it, but it happens. Someone I could describe as unforgettable, sadly.

Afterall, as I’ve always said, when you love someone is forever, even when the relationship ends. You cannot love someone JUST for a certain amount of time. Love, the real one, is strong enough to resist even when the other one isn’t there anymore…or as it is in my case, when the other one doesn’t want to be there anymore.

However, I begin to ask myself if it was worth it to surrender my defences and deeply fall in love with this person when in the end the whole thing resolved with me, heartbroken, and him laughing at me while telling that it was over.…

Yes, that’s what I keep asking myself, because sadly enough I have a very strong memory, used as I am at not forgetting anything, anybody, even if I generally pretend to do so. But I never forget, like a pc and sometimes I wish to clean up my memory and formatting the whole thing…

“I don’t know what to say…I’ve realized that I was wrong with you, I should have been sweeter, because you deserve that. I’ve realized that you indeed love me, and that I love you too”

And after that, the illusion I was envisioning from afar completely took me over. It was done, there was something to hope for, and I gave in, accepting the defeat, loving him, like I never did before.

“You know, I don’t think you should trust him, he’s a boy, far from home, alone, who probably told you that because in that moment he didn’t know what to say. I don’t necessary think that he really loves you, and quite frankly is possible that at his age, for what you have told me, he doesn’t really know exactly what love is in the first place.”

I knew it, that was the same advice I would have given, to take it easy, stay detached and wait for his comeback before rushing to conclusions… but as I’ve already said, I’m as much good at giving good advices as I am incredibly inept to follow those for myself, even when they flash through my head like a fire alarm.
I couldn’t do anything, the words he wrote to me, that night, had unblocked something that I was keeping quiet for too long. And for the first time, after so long that is just a cloud in the memory, I loved that boy, unconditionally for the reason that from my part it could have been only love.

“You’ve made a mistake”

“I really hope not, but I can’t do it otherwise”

But I did make a mistake

I loved him, I dreamt about something important, and I've been punished for it. With his laughs.
I probably deserve it, I believed that I could have had something real that lasted more than a couple of months…but one can not build reality over illusions...

“When I told you I was feeling it for real”

No, you were not. Not if after merely 2 weeks you've changed your mind. Because at the showdown I do believe that you absolutely don’t know what truly being in love with someone means. Maybe one day you will understand it, when you will feel what I’m feeling right now, and then, that day, remember me.

My mind is steely, the memory do not betray and I cannot forget. Nothing. Nobody. Never. I wish I could, but it’s impossible. If I could I would do it immediately...

“Ah thanks a lot, would you erase me also?”

“For how I am feeling right now It would be hard to decide what to whipe out: the good memories, the bad ones, those amazing moments or those that were hurtful”

Now I know.

I will cancel everything.. the moguris, the cactuars, all those roses, the evening eating Chinese, the nights slept together, those endlessly phone calls, your smiling face, the songs I sang when coming home from you, Yuna...

All that was good and fantastic

I cannot forget, the way you are itself forbids me to do it, but I can chose what to remember, and I chose to remember something that will not hurt me everytime it comes back before going to sleep.

Some friends told me I’m pathetic, others called me sick, but I’m not, I’m just a fool.
I love someone who doesn’t understand what he’s been missing leaving me, who doesn’t understand that contrary of others I take him as he is, and I bear with him regardless of his immaturity.

“I don’t understand, how can you tell that you would go back with him immediately?? No, really you are clearly a masochist… don’t’ you see how has he been treating you? What he has done to you??”

Yes, I would go back with him. Here I said it, I love him. All those good advices are useless. Those are words that have to be said, but I have nor the strength or the courage to follow. I’m a rock, I don’t bend if not for the right reason, I can stand every ordeal and I tend to mediate the things of life, not for others but for myself, yet I’m helpless.

“So you are saying that when you will be free from that job, do whatever you want and going wherever you prefer, you would follow him? Move miles away for him???”

Sure, but not FOR him. Once I've been asked what my dreams were; well my dream is to move away from where I am now. London as first choice, because is the city I love the most in the world. But really, I just want to get out of here. If he goes to XXXXX and I cannot go to London, why shouldn't I go to XXXXX myself?
Sure, he will be there, but I’d do it for myself.

Another mistake.

“The notion that you would have moved to XXXXX just for me, scared me… I don’t want to have obligations”

But who told you that I would have moved to XXXX just for you? If I will move I will for myself.. XXXXX is a big city that I would like to visit and live. And in all of this you are just a plus, a big plus maybe, but nevertheless just a plus.

But now what is worth to talk about it? Broken dreams, unforgettable memories and no one seems anyway able to take their place. That’s the burden of my memory, erasing it… no, I can’t, and not because I don’t want to.

So now, finally, the only advice that I can follow and listen to: Closure. One last chance to see each other, to be over with, like grown ups and then take separate roads. If fate wanted for us to met there was a reason and if fate will, we will meet again. But for now your presence makes me ache so I need to get rid of it. One last night and everything will be over and done.

And for you who's reading this and that may think, with a reason, that I’m a pathetic, a fool, a poor bastard I’m telling you this: there are people in the world that without warning, or permission, enter your life and offer you an advice.

Listen to those: even if you break your heart doing so.