I know…. You are probably thinking that lately I’ve been talking so much about my real GF (nickname pending) that my fake girlfriend aka BFF aka The Lady must feel a little left out…
But fear not we are still rocking our incestuous friendship from hell.
For Example.. a week ago we went to the movies together. Our choice? The big hyped new superduper mega blockbuster DC Comic movie “Watchmen”.
As I recently commented on Dorothy’s post “It was so bad that I waited the credits to see if Ilene Chaiken had anything to do with it…”
Seriously.. the best part of the evening (company excluded) were the trailers for Star Trek, Terminator 4, Angel&Demons and WOLVERINE (which looks like the ultimate kickass movie or the year)
Anyway… just because I’m devoted to stop the circle of pain here's my 2 dime opinion on why you shouldn’t spend 15 bucks (or 8 euros depending where you are from) and 2h43’ of your life on this movie.
(SPOILER ALERT: If otherwise you rather spent those 15$ and you do have 3 hours to spare than skip this post altogether because I’m necessary gonna address the plot )
NO SERIOUSLY Go Away...
Still here? don't say I didn't warn you...First the good stuff.
Visually Watchmen isn’t that bad… Sin City and 300 ( or the flop The Spirit) were better designed and more visually enticing probably because they reflect perfectly the atmosphere of the respective graphic novels, but Zach Snyder (director) did a nice job again.
What bugs me (other than the characters, but I’ll be back on them later) is the narration structure.
Too many flashback, to many stills and disconnected fragment of past episodes that frankly didn’t add much to the characters or the plotline.
The only thing added was time.
The movie is too freaking long for it is own good.
2 hour and 43 minutes.
On my clock those 43 minutes were completely unnecessary.
NOW THE BAD PARTS...
The Gay Bashing Part I
SILHOUETTE
A lesbian who looks like a dominatrix and probably behave like one. I said “probably” because we see her just 4 times in a 5 minutes span.
- in a pics with the other first generation watchmen
- kissing a nurse at the end of WWII like the notorious sailor on Times Square
- with said nurse in another group picture
- And last, with the same nurse on a dishevelled bed, shoot to death in a pool of blood with Lesbian Whores written in blood and bold letters all over the room’s wall.
(apparently graphic novels are not happy place for lez… see also Carla Gugino’s character in Sin City…)
(n.d.b: I bet that the “lesbian whores” reference will skyrock our googling research statistics,…)
And in case some distracted viewers were missing the point, they also put a narrating voice on the background saying something on the line of “… or like Silhouette who was killed for her indecent lifestyle”
Nice touch…
Bye Bye Silhouette… nice meeting you; it was short and completely forgettable…
Gay Bashing Part II
OZYMANDIAS
Why gay? Well that Wham jacket should be self explanatory…
plus his obsession with Alexander the Great is another clear indication that good Ozy had a closet full of accessories ans unresolved issues with his sexuality.
Why bashing? well he doesn't die of a murderous hate crime, but he's the villain, the mischievous self absorbed egomaniac with nazi-tendencies that plot a nuclear holocaust just to achieve his dream of world peace and unity… I know, that’s the plot, don’t blame me…
NIGHT OWL II
The "revenge of the loser"
He must be the most pathetic attempt to super hero ever written... without the costume he's almost bald, chubby and impotent...I mean, how not feel safe with him...
Of course he ends up banging the hottest (and only) latex-clad girl around...
Btw he bangs her in the Owl-mobile (the ugliest piece of hero-machinery ever made)
of course I couldn't refrain to joke about the possibility that she wasn't actually fucking but just "driving shift"...
I know I'm 15...
SILK SPECTRE II
What's wrong with her?.. I mean: she's brunette, she wears a latex leotard, and she keeps her knee-high boots on when she has sex ... what's not to like?? maybe the fact that she has 0 personality factor. You see the picture? Well that's her only expression, get used to it.
THE COMEDIAN & RORSCHACH
Two Sociopath to put it mildly... one a baby killing rapist the other a masked maniac who looks like the yet to rehab version of Danny Bonaduce... If those are the heroes :S
And last and also least, my personal unfavourite --- ---
beyhold...
THE GIANT SMURF (aka Dr.Manhattan)
The only one with actual super-powers.
A gigantic nuclear battery that can bore you to death with his blabbing...he makes you wanna scream at him:" please stop talking and pulverize me already!!"
He can mold the matter and the time at his will but HE CAN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR !!!
I mean if the movie wasn't bad enough you have also to play pick a boo with his weener... not cool at all.
Watchmen is the second movie night in a row me and Lady bombed with poor picking (Underworld 3 the other one)... we need to change the trend ASAP.
30th April (Wolverine release date) isn't coming fast enough...
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2 commenti:
Actually the movie makes sense to me... and anyway you can't expect too much logic from a fiction where Nixon is still President in 1988, can you?
BTW the Gentleman couldn't like it anyway because she was constantly staring at her cellphone asking me if mine had signal, reporting me romantic pills of GF's messages and annoyingly asking me what time it was to get hme and switch on Gtalk...
For all others this movie is good, you just have to keep in mind tha's not about superheroes, but humans acting like they were so.
Yikes...thanks for the warning!
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