Happy New Year...

Dear Readers,

I'm off celebrating for the next few days the end of this 2008 and the begininnig of a new year.
And Yes, I do mean "celebrating" in the most biblical sense...

What? I'm allowed to entertain and be enteratained with my special one, am I?
I mean, do you know a better way to spend the last day of the year than having your special lady within your arms? My point exactly...

Speaking of a different Lady, I've been just chatting with him for about an hour (and mind you I was in the vedy middle of my usual baggage preparation madness... I mean.. 4 days, not many chances to step out of the hotel room... how hard can it be packing for THAT KIND of trip, right????)

...and what is so important that he needed to talk to me right when I am out of my freaking mind? Global Warming? The Econominc Crisis? Israel Bombing Gaza? The Fall Line?
Nope....
He wanted to talk about his BF issues...

That's not a news, since he met this (his word) half Italian half Brazilian semi-god, there aren't that many other subject of conversation..(I'm not the one who can judge, especially lately :P
BTW I haven't met him yet, not because Lady didn't ask, just because I have very crappy organizational skills when it comes to my agenda...)

Anyway... Lady is having trouble in paradise with his Baby. In my honest opinion is just a matter of failed communication:

- Baby wants more attention and Lady's quality time...understandable.

- Lady has a very demanding job and not much time on his hands... equally understandable.

Apparenly Lady is also been tagged as immature by Baby, which he's not...otherwise he wouldn't be the moral spine of our Pink Brigade, I mean we ALL gravitate around him for advice, support and truth telling... taking away great part of his time I think now...

Now they're celebrating new year's eve apart, due to previous programs or something, I didn't fully understand the Lady (he gets uncomprehensible when sad), which could be useful to clear things up a little even if we all know that partying apart when sorta mad at each other is not such a great idea.

I really hope for the best because from what I grasped from my BFF, he sure likes this Baby very much and he'd like to have a serious story with him despite the difficulties (and believe me, Baby, I know him and I know what I'm saying).

And while I'm here, I would like to say thank you to our readers before drifting slowly to sleep... (frankly I need all the rest I can catch considering my plans for the next days...)


Now, speaking also for the sad Lady, thanks to you all for the comments and the support you showed us through all this year, from the old friends that were with us when we were still an Italian blog and to those new friends from overseas or overborder that were kind enough to stop for a second and read all our BS...and typos. And grammar errors...

If you had troubles, we hope that this new year will bring you the serenity you are looking for, and if instead you had a good year, than we hope for you to be able to say the same thing about this new one that is about to come.

Cheers,

The Gentleman

Catholics Girls Gone Bad....

Bitch Slap Behind the Scene: Lucy Lawless & Reneè O'Connor




I FRAKKING Worship those two...

L Word Season 6 - Spoiler

Merry Xmas

The Gentleman (even if I posted this for her… the Lady)

Technorati Tag: L Word Season 6,Jenny,Lucy Lawless

Dear Santa... Part II

Dear Gay Santa,

I know you have just received my BFF (as in best fag forevah…) request letter, and I know we haven’t been in touch since the infamous Xmas accident of the ’91.. but I swear I told everyone in the class that you were just a fat communist bastard only because I didn’t receive the mini-car I had asked for and instead my mom bought me a ballet class… so you can imagine why I throw a fit back then….
Anyway…
bygones.

I also know that I should be grateful for what I have and therefore not cluster your email account with some asinine and shallow requests, but since we’re talking about wishful thinking here…

To be clear this is not a list… I know you are busy and you know I’m awfully picky with the presents.. so consider this just as suggestions, advices or just ramblings from a pre-festive mind if you prefer..

1. Thanks to the new and improved web security system in my office I’m blocked out of everything… no seriously no blogger.com, no wordpress…no message board comments, no personal storage, nothing, zip… If I’d knew what kind of lager this place was gonna become I’d have never accepted the promotion… damn corporate.
So an hacker guide for dummies or some tricks to get around that stupid filter would be helpful

2. Since The Lady so kindly provided me with a brand new (and very stiff too) riding crop, can you please send me a pair of matching leather cuffs? ‘cause my old ones are kinda… well… loose.. you know with all the mileage and such (btw… not to miscredit the universal knowledge that I’m naughty, but Lady forgot that I already have plenty of such devices from my horse riding days… on REAL horses you pervs!)

3. I know I should not complain, that I'm more than ok with what I already have, but just for testing your "real powers" let me just tell you that I can make room for one of those babes... really, I'm not picky either of those would be ok...



4. Since there isn’t a day without some crap blabbing from that old fart that is the pope ( I respect the faith but not the man, sorry,)
which the least but not last, I’m afraid, was about the “ungodly and unnatural sex change procedures which are against god’s will” could you please give Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet ,Cupid, Donder , Blitzen and Rudolph too, some laxative and have them flight over the Vatican? You know just for comedy sake..

btw doesn't he look like Emperor Palpatine from StarWars? the resemblance is uncanny...


5. this is what an old friend of mine sent me couple of days ago...a link about this calendar girls for whishing merry Xmas... I believe she's was referring to my recent decision to have a second and a third tattoo done...



btw... even if I'm proud of my lower back tattoo I cannot pass the amazing joke on The Wedding Crasher...

"Lower back tattoo? Might as well put a bullseye on it"

priceless...

6. Since I'm generous please sent Lady something like this... possibly while he's having dinner with all his family... don't worry I'll call the paramedics right away I promise it will be fun :)



Ok I guess that's it for this year...

Give a Kiss to Mrs Claus from me ;)

A present to myself

Since it’s hard for me to receive the present I want for Xmas (even though last night I’ve given away a big package to my new bf…) here’s something I really like, love and own in dvd as the Gentleman does for Xena.

Please note that I LOVE KATE MULGREW in every single way one could love an actress, from her phaser to her campaign against Alzheimer, and even if I’m just 25 (therefore not exactly one of the original Trek generation), I think I’ll be watching my Voyager dvd’s for the next 40 years.

Now, if you think about what kind of serious role is to be a starfleet captain, you may imagine how good she is doing her job. The genius of an actor shows up when he/she makes you laugh:-)

But since this is still a queer blog here’s something more… let’s say… appropriate. And the Gentleman agrees with me in saying THAT the other woman (namely Jeri Ryan aka Seven of Nine...) is somithing unbelieveable…oh, and ladies… watch out for minute 2:10, this is my gift for your Xmas:-)

Now, what do you think about it?

The Lady

Dear Santa

Hi, long time no see! Almost a Year! Remember me? It’s the Lady, the idiot one with the sexual charm of a chair… got it? Ok, right!

Seems to me Mr. Karma did the big of the job this year by giving me someone to call boyfriend from tonight on… IF I do things right. So here’s my special special list of requests and whishes, please Santa, see what you can do:

1. Please target the Gentleman with some of your “Intelligence” presents, but something not smaller than a block of Italian marble or a funny natural sized Xena’s action figure, you can’t possibly miss her, she’s so unnaturally blonde a horse could mistake her hair for dinner…
2. Please ask the Vatican what a Bull (male) and a Donkey (male again) were doing in a cave before Mary arrived… and which of them was the top and which the bottom;
3. Please bring some anal diseases to all those who voted yes on prop.8, and double dose to all of those who always declared themselves pro gay and then turn their back, so that they will all know that a dick in the ass is far far away more pleasureable than surgery tools;
4. Please take Facebook offline, permanently. I't’s the evil incarnated and some of its functions appear to me to be even illegal on privacy issues;
5. Give me the strenght not to kill everyone that enters my ICE CREAM SHOP asking for a coffee, a drink and a meal;
6. Since this year I’m buying my presents in a porn shop please make my targets happy about receiving red glittered heart shaped nipple tassels, two tea cups with a 9 flavour set of condoms instead of the tea bags and a riding crop (for the Gentleman);
7. Don’t bother bringing a Baby in a cradle, bring instead MY baby in my bed, possibly naked and eager to…;
8. Make people understand that a 15$ present, according to the current economic crisis, is more than enough if the present is bought with feeling, but a 15$ present bought by 2 people together is just Scroogy;
9. Please don’t make mom discover I’m gay: I’d like to give her an heartache myself;
10. Let me be Gentleman’s roommate when she buys her new house, I don’t simply love Will & Grace, I wanna play it!

And if point n°10 isn’t available go heavy with n°1….

Best wishes, your little, lovely, slutty Lady.

The lady

Just an ordinary day

Some may ask what how do the Gentleman and I spend the day or what do we chat about since we're in touch by IM almost all day long.

Well, everyday I get up, take a shower, look at myself in the mirror, get scared, grab the first clothes I see and go to my shop opening at 9 am. After that I turn on my pc and wait for her to show up.

Meantime she gets up, takes a shower, looks at herself in the mirror, screams of pure dark fear, 1 hour choosing what to wear, goes to work, turns on her pc and starts chatting with me.

The conversation is most likely what you would hear between an old married couple. We both are having a quick breakfast, both reading newspapers (internet) and chatting on the latest news on politics, internal and foreign affairs, haircuts, sentimental and sexual news, various and thematic topics, as for Christmas in this period.


Today it was different, the conversation started like this:

• Gentleman: "Shit shit shit, I've started writing poetry again, shit shit shit";
• Lady: "Oh my Cher, no...";
• Gentleman: "Oh my Cher, yes";
• Little time of silence
• Lady: "Crap";
• Gentleman: "What happened?";
• Lady: "Poetry?";
• Gentleman: "Oh, yes, crap";
• Lady: "Not a chance you take your pen and pull it up in your ass right?";
• Lady: "You write down something and you always produce chaos when someone reads it";
• Lady: "And then I have to repair your disasters";
• Gentleman: "Written last night with the pc, but just the both of us know";
• Lady: "Pc huh? I'll take back the pull up in your ass part... maybe";
• Lady: "And no one should know this right?";
• Gentleman: "I think I'd better have a night out this saturday, I'm freaking out";
• Lady: " ? " (meaning: weren't we talking about poetry?);
• Gentleman: " I can't possibly spend even this weekend closed at home, I need to get out, I NEED IT";
• Lady: "Wanna come dancing with us?" (me and my group of fags)
• Gentleman: " XXXXXXXXXX?" (won't say the name of the place)
• Lady: "Think so... or XXXXXXXX this friday";
• Lady: "We could call the Vagina too, you'd make a perfect coming out and a brilliant heartache for her, it's present period in the end isn't it?";
• Gentleman: "There's XXXXXXX this time also";
• Lady: "Ok, double outing, souns like fun...";
• Lady: "Hello, my name is XXXXXXX and I'm gay";
• Lady: "Hello, my name is XXXXX and I'm lesbian";
• Gentleman: "No coreography? You disappoint me... bad fag...";
• Lady: "I have it, and we can sing it by modifiyng I'll never tell from Buffy..."
• Lady: "She licks, he swallows, his ass is sleepy hollow... something like that..."

And the conversation goes on with the Gentleman laughing... now, what do you thing of us?

The Lady

Out of the Closet.. just a big mess!

nope I'm not talking about coming out...

I've been sick since yesterday… I think I got some kind of seasonal flu. Anyway I’ve already confessed what kind of big cry baby I became when I get sick. I’m the proverbial pain in the butt, believe me…
Is not only that I don't like illness in every form I just plain hate the fact to be debilitated hence inactive for, what I perceive, as an incredibly amount of time (in my case anything exceeding the 24 hours mark).

Thankfully I had someone tending me… even if only virtually, my personal nurse caring attention where much MUCH appreciated ;)

Ok what I was trying to tell? Oh yeah… that I can’t be inactive for long without going completely nuts… so obviously the second I felt a little better.. (namely when this afternoon the fever got a little lower) I decided to use some of the free time I had to do an activity I usually reserve for times of incredibly depression… wardrobe cleansing… As I stated in my MSN message… “Busy ‘cause I’m cleaning up my closet, and I don’t mean it metaphorically…”

Only rule applied: If you don’t remember last time you wear it, you throw it…

Anyhow… here few things I’ve realized about myself while storming through my wardrobe

• According to my closet (and the always reliable Grace the Spot ) I’m a certified lesbian.. at least considering the absurd amount of hoodies I own. Somewhere along the way I must have developed some kind of hoodie syndrome. No way an human being needs to possess that many hoodies… no way… yet they’re so comfortable and cool. What?? I’m not throwing any of those.

• Always according to my closet, at least at a certain point of my adult life I was a dyke slut… no other ways to reasonably explain why I own not only very indiscrete leather pants but also a black leather corset which was clearly not made for a lady…

• Another very inexplicable clothes addiction of mine: high neck wool and cashmere sweaters… I have 10 of them.. all very very similar. I’ve found out that I have 3 black one basically the same model! And one chocolate, one eggshell, one dark green, one dark grey, one light grey, one cerulean, one lilac and one dark orange. I think I need help. Does it exist a support group for obsessive dresser?

• I’m pretty giddy to report that after scrumptious search… there’s no sign of flannel. I’m a dyke, but I know my limits…

• I own more than 20 blazers… and I think I have it in all shades of grey humanly known…

• I have an entire section of my wardrobe devoted to denim jeans.. I found out that of one particular model I have 5 pair… but only 3 colour.. guess that when I find something I like I do stick with it.

• I’m not even open up the “oxford shirts chapter” that’s just painful…

• Light brown corduroy pants.. why I ask? Why???

• I still don’t understand why I keep buying skirt when I know that there’s a snowball chance in hell that I’m gonna wear it when sober… maybe I'm not buying is just one of my mother psycological guerrilla tactics...

• That would also explain the sleevless bright sparkly purple sweather I've found... was I on crack when I bought that?? I hope it was a present and not a voluntary action from me...

• Yep… and without considering the shoes and the purses I’m not only lesbian but a butch too… ok maybe not a REAL butch... a sporty femme? or maybe a futch in progress? who cares... labels are good only on designer's clothes anyway :D
  

Somehow I managed to sort all that crap out without getting crazy… but I realized something else while watching the increasingly growing THROW AWAY pile… Do not start some selective and delicate work as a closet cleansing when feverish… I think I might have thrown away half of my good stuff too...

it’s like painting your house while on LSD…

it sounds fun but you risk to end up parading naked for your neighbours…

just saying…

Sometimes I should just shut the eff up…

Seriously I don’t know what is wrong with me that I have the uncanny ability to say the most inappropriate things in the most inappropriate moments… you know the typical "open mouth, insert foot" kind of moments
maybe is the crappy weather outside or maybe I’m just so bored at work that I unconsciously have the need to generate some embarrassment for myself.

Today has happened twice already…like earlier this morning when I was taking my coffee with one of my co-workers when she noticed my necklace pendant and while reaching for it for a better look she accidentally grazed my boob and I say right back to her “sorry...”
“geez you should at least buy me a drink first…”

insert nervous laugh…

And then a little later…

Exhibit B.

Scene: the TSA Security back office
Premises: I work for a local airport managing company. And we all know that the craziest anecdote about “weirdest thing witnessed” always came from ER and Airport Security…

Anyway I was downstairs to talk with the TSA Chief about some HR contracts and he was late as always, when one of the TSA guys called me in one of the back room where they usually laid off during brakes (think about the smell of a frat house after a wild party… gross) and keep all the stuff they confiscate during security controls, you know.. toenail clippers, lighters, scissors…

He said they need a female opinion…

There were 5 of them laughing and snickering and probably saying obscenities as always.. of course they stopped right after I put a step in the room ( hate when it happens, for crying out loud I’m an adult is not like some profanities are gonna hurt my sensible woman hear, you fuckers…)
They were all around a desk, like in a huddle, so I didn’t see right away what was so damn fun.
Apparently all this childish mischief was caused by some poor bastard sex toys which clearly he/she forgot to put in the checked baggage and not in the hand one… amateur mistake.

They probably thought I would have been embarrassed… another amateur mistake (and borderline to sexual harassment too, if we had such policy…)

Guy1: “So have you ever seen something so small?... I guess they used you as a model right?”
Guy2: “Well your mother didn’t mind”
Guy3: “handcuffs, dildo… guess someone was planning to have fun, what do you think?”
Me: “first, that’s not a dildo but anal plug and those are generally used for the calves not on the wrists… ”

Crickets
Blank Stare
Crickets
Blank Stare

Me: ”Glad to have cleared things up, hope you didn’t miss a gun or two while looking for sex toys…”

Wonder what kind of rumour mill I’ve started this time :P

I'm the newest BSG fan now!

Hoping for more

The Lady

Real Life

This is a real conversation happened this morning in my office:

Noisy Colleague: Hey xxx! Me and Anne were wondering what kind of decoration buy for the office.

Me: (puzzled look) So?

NC: What do you think? (while showing equally hideous sparkly silver red and silver blue balls (no pun please ) and other Xmas crap)

Me: Are you asking my aesthetic opinion or my validation on the expense?

NC: Actually both..

Me: Let put it this way, I’ll double your budget and pay for it myself if you promise to never ever come back to my office asking me such thing.

NC: Are we a little cranky this morning?

Me: No,it’s just that, if you haven’t notice, all this crap piled up my desk isn’t here just for show you know… I’m late with the budget summary.

NC: You know what, Sara was always cranky and tired when she found out she was pregnant… you should check with you gyno…

Me: (not even move the look from my pc screen) believe me, If that’s ever gonna happen I'm not gonna need a gyno but a priest. Because either I'd be the new Virgin Mary or I’d be carrying the Antichrist..

NC: (leaving my office) either way you should consider switching to decaf…

yep... that's my daily life... Thank god it's Friday

How a song changed my life...

But not in the way: "now that I know it I'm more self-confident or something"... It's just because, from that particular moment on, I have a valuable weapon to use against the Gentleman when she overindulges in insulting me:-)

Meaning that, as she commented, it's true that I got Sade's song dedicated and even if I'm really happy for it, my problem to respond sweet to sweetness still remains intact... but she got THIS SONG, karaoke version, sang just for her in front of a real audience in a real karaoke bar!

And believe me, this situation was terribly funny for me as just plain terrible for the Gently here, because she couldn't help but sending me a sms at 4:39 am (local time, she was abroad) with the following text:

"I'm in a karaoke bar here and someone just has dedicated Woman in Love to me... The bathroom's window is not a viable option so find me another way to escape, suicide can be a quite good suggestion"

And from that magical night, everytime I put the video below, I feel a little happier. Am I a bitch?




The Lady in Love

And after Mamma Mia...

Yet another Gay Musical... (lol... gay musical... doesn'it sound a little reduntant??)

for the series: "If you can't beat them, make fun of them" ;)

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

The Lady and the Gentleman

(hat tip to Huffigton Post and Bridget McManus Kregloe )

Maybe There's ONE Christmas Tradition that I don't mind after all...

Ok.. is true than no more than 2 days ago I rant about how much I hate Xmas ... but then I remembered that there's is indeed a Xmas traditional event that I don't really mind, on the contrary... I kinda look forward too:

IS THE VICTORIA'S SECRET XMAS FASHION SHOW!!!

Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a bunch of hot, Hot, HOT, supermodels parading almost naked on a runway... that's the true meaning of Xmas... bras and panties (and lots of feathers apparently..) did I say already that they are super hot? (in a "I'm not really human, we've been created just for show..." kinda way)

This event, which is clearly just a decoy to put soft core porno on primetime network television without having the MPAA on your ass..., is the perfect combination of brainless entertainment, eye candy and sparlky outfits to be both a gay and straight funapalooza.

Want a Prove? : My very gay friend and co-blogger Lady just recently confessed me that since he saw the Guitar Hero's Video he's been obsessed both with the song and with Heidi Klum... don't know if it's a) a resilient sign of his latent heterosexuality or b) that he's thinking about starting a career in the drag industry and wants some inspiration... only time will tell.

I don't know how the ratings were but I'm convinced that the show would work better only if they decide to run it as the halftime show during the Superball...

Anyway.. thanks to CBS here's some clip... of course this should be considered NSFW I guess ;)






WARNING: mind you the outfits shown are not intended for REAL WOMEN...so don't rush in the nearest VS store to buy "presents" for your wifey ;) lol (and quality speaking... LaPerla Underwear is way, way better... just sayin')

Ten Unwritten Rules About The Gentleman's Christmas

I know, I know… Tina yet again...

I swear I’m not gonna say a thing about her amazing-ness this time (that’s Dorothy’s job ), I just like the picture (high heels, white unbuttoned shirt and librarian glasses?? Good lords have Anne Leibovitz take a look in my fantasies or what?... ok, sorry I’m digressing ) and I thought it was a nice and completely unrelated way to introduce today’s rambling:

Believe me when I say that I would have tons and tons of things to write about, but either a) have almost no time to do it or b) are somehow a little too personal to share (mind you, I have absolutely no problems in sharing.. gods that sounded awfully whorish… I mean that I would very much enjoy to share my thoughts with you, only that most of those are concerning a certain someone who may or may not feel that much inclined in reading private stuff on the internet… I should probably ask her first…)

And I’m not even entering the subject of my fellow co-blogger soon to be ex-gay best friend who’s ditching his blogging duties lamenting a rare form of writer’s block… or as I call it “I’m to busy cruising gay guys on the internet and working out to better cruise gay guys on person, to actually take 10 minutes of my time and post a frakking youtube video…”

Anyhow…

As you may have noticed by the increasingly amount of lights, sparkly decorations and cheesy bell-filled songs, we’re rapidly approaching what I easily identify as “The WORST TIME of the year ” at least for me, who apparently I’m part Italian and part Grinch…
True story: I’m getting nauseous just writing about it…

I have absolutely nothing against who’s cheerful and giddy about the idea of Christmas… the decorations, the presents, the carolling, the ever present family dinner… is just that I hate every single part of it with all my guts, to put it mildly…
I have absolutely no idea why I’m so not Christmas-y… from all I know I might as well have submerged in my subconscious that I have been molested by Santa-like when I was a toddler or have been attacked by a reindeer… because frankly I don’t remember having ever enjoyed Christmas in my whole life…

If it wasn’t for the constant guilt-trip I might as well convert to Judaism…

And I know that every happy family is the same while the dysfunctional one are unique in their own ways… but is undeniable that Christmas multiply tenfold all the craziness.


Now, here are the 10 rulez why I can't stand December 25th...

• 10) Every attempt to bring a pointy tree inside the house will be irremediably boycotted by me, only to inflame Mother’s mean streak resulting in having a flashy giant sequoia-like tree in the middle of the living room with enough light to help land a Boeing 767.


• 9) When your uber catholic grandmother would point out that there’s no sign of the Nativity in your house you would have to tell her for the hundredth time that they moved to stay in a less ethnic neighbourhood.


• 8) The “presents hunt” will be poised from the beginning of the season. You will not find what you look for, or find it but then realize tha is to moronic as a present, or refuse to even start to look for presents, only to find yourself storming through crowded stores like a mad woman on Christmas’s Eve.


• 7) Do to point n. 8 even if you have managed to foresee a limited budget for your presents, you will end up double it or worse, trying to compensate with monetary value your lack of emotional involvement in the process.


• 6) Against your own will you would have to buy at least 1 Christmas Songs collection Cd… who will be played endlessly from the 20th to the 27th at the point that the only mention of “snow” “Jesus” or “santa” will immediately create some sort of violent Tourette’s Syndrome reaction from you.


• 5) Since the Italian traditional celebration comprehend 1 Christmas Eve Dinner on the 24th + 1 Christmas Lunch on the 25th with, in the most fortunate cases, an attendance of at least 10 to 12 people… your mother will morph in a crossover between Martha Stewart, Satan, a Nazi commander and Julia Child randomly alternating nurturing reassuring moments with vile hatred tirades.. mostly towards you and the fact that a)you are not exactly smiling at the prospective of spending hours at a dinner table with people you don’t like, b) you're not wearing that awful red wool dress she bought you and c) you refused to help with the decorations


• 4) You will be forced to share your precious time in the company of family members you a) don’t really give a crap about b) are too old, deaf or senile dement to even try to hold a normal conversation or c) just plain boring.


• 3) Due to point 5 and 4 you decide early that booze will be your best friend subsequently opting for an alcohol induced haze that will last until the 27th (recent notably moments… last Christmas outburst towards auntie C after yet another “so, darling… when are you gonna settle down and make some babies?” “well, I would love too, but it would postpone my acting career… they don’t like preggies in the porno industry…” after that I was exiled from the dining room... or when I traded baby jesus from the nativity scene with a smurf :P)


• 2) the presents "opening ceremony" will come down as the worst representation of a bunch of white guys lying to each other and force fake smiles on their faces since the 9/11 Congress Commission…


• 1) You will never ever get the right present from your folks

Now you see why I'm starting turning green even if we are weeks away...